Have your parents ever said something so unhinged that you’re just left standing there like🧍♂️?
Mine hit me with the “We're spending all this money on you now so you can’t grow up and say we didn’t spend money on you when your were a kid.”
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My mother telling me I should not think that she makes any money with me. (Backstory: Was living with her, dad paid alimony child support). I was baffled, because even when I lowkey suspected that, it was not even a relevant thing for our conversation at this time.
A few years later, when I wanted to move out for studying it was suddendly a problem, because she could not make the full payments for her house without the alimony child supprt from my dad. So I stayed.
Some more years down the line I finally wanted to move out, as I had a full time job in sight and wanted to live with my boyfriend. I was in my mid-twenties. Basically the conversation was the same as before, she could not pay for her house without me. She could not answer my question how she thought this would work out. Was she expecting me to live with her until she paid for the house? Because this would be up until my forties, maybe longer. The house is not big enough for two families, so it was never an option for me and my bf to move in. Of course I moved out.
Child support would happen if you lived with one parent and the other parent pays.
Alimony (as far as I know) has nothing to do with having a kid there or not.
So I’m not sure why her alimony would change if you move out. It would change if she got remarried.
Alimony, also known as spousal support or spousal maintenance, is a court-ordered financial payment made from one spouse to another during or after a divorce. Its purpose is to help the recipient maintain a similar standard of living to what they had during the marriage. The amount and duration of alimony are determined by a judge based on various factors, including the length of the marriage, the financial circumstances of both spouses, and their ability to support themselves (this paragraph copied from Google).
Ah sorry, this was an phrasing error on my side. I meant child Support! Will correct that.
No problem on the phrasing.
I've seen things like what you describe where the parent was using the child support in that manner. Becomes a real problem when the kid leaves home. Always interesting when the one paying child support stops the payment to the ex and starts giving it to the kid (because they are going to college). Suddenly the kid sees who's really helping and who isn't.
Exactly. For me it was relatively clear the older I got, as my father had to give me pocket money and pay for my extracuricullars on top of child support. I was not eating much (smallish, lean, not really sport oriented) and was getting some new clothes maybe twice a year, one time mostly as part of my birthday present.
What happened with your mom after you moved out?
She somehow managed to keep the house, but struggles to this day with payments. Does not want to move in a flat, because the house has more room for possibilities and a garden. Also says I should get the house someday but it is unclear when or how this should take place. She tried to make a deal with me and my boyfriend (now husband) a while ago, but the terms on her side werde very loosley written out and had too much room for malicious intent in the long run. Also the payments are very high, because she made a bad deal in regards of the interest rates, so me and my husband also would struggle financially and we do not want a house this bad.
Sounds like she wanted you to get a house, so she can move in for free. She's probably claiming you as a dependant, or using you to get more money from alimony or the state if you were living with her
Actually the plan for giving me the house included that she would move out. But she wanted to be imprecise in how I/We would pay her back for the amount she already payed for the house. Switched back and forth inbetween money and/or getting to live with us sooner or later (so basically what you say). She also did not say how much money we would then owe her and wanted to let that open specifically, which could basically result in us paying the left amount (which we should have done in her name, she wanted us to pay HER the amount every month so that then she would pay the bank) plus "rent" to her endlessly.
kinda wierd shes not telling you the details of the payments on the house, no wonder she is struggling payments, she might assumed certain things? usually when they try to free-load they tell you how much it is owed, or how much money they need.