What are some things people have called your instrument?

All of my drums are bongos to my five year old.

bass guitar idiot's harp

I never bothered to name my fixer-upper guitar, but if I had named it, I would have called him Gary.

I'm not a music student anymore but growing up my mom used to call my snare drum "the headache cylinder".

She loved that I was playing drums, but she hated hearing them lol.