TPE and safety
TPE and safety
I experienced a complicated situation where TPE & 24/7 was turned against me in a way that was exploitative, and left both my finances and career in ruins. This was very difficult to recover from - my family rejected me pretty thoroughly - why did I “let” him do these things to me?
I still struggle a lot with holdovers. Things turned almost culty - for a few months after he kicked me out, I thought it was some kind of “test.” He didn’t even bother uncollaring me when he kicked me out.
I’ve been in therapy for a couple years and have rebuilt some of the smoldering ruins of my life.
I don’t know how to reconcile my desires for submission with maintaining my safety. Realizing that he never loved me and meant the degradation and humiliation has me still fucked up.
But I still crave that promise - I still crave that idea of being owned by another person. It feels like it’s delusional to imagine getting what I want without being hurt again. It helps me function - being able to focus on the needs and happiness of just one person. I could spend hours cleaning for a “good boy” and a pat on the head.
Does anyone have this? Successfully, healthily, with a real respect and maybe even love? It’s fucked my head that my devotion resulted in being left sleeping on a friends couch for months.
Damn this sucks, I'm so sorry. Abuse like this really messes one up.
I personally think kink should never be used in a way where it negatively affects somebody's career or relationships. That's something that need agreement on. Is there any way to reconcile with you family (if you even want that)? A career can always be build back up but personal connections are a bit harder.
For me personally (I know it's not quite the same dynamic) all my D/S or Owner/Pet relationships have been build on top of very strong relationships in the first place. Those are people that I am sure I can trust with my body and life. I know for sure that if they hurt me, it's because they love me. Build you safety and trust with somebody first before you enter a relationship where this trust is so important.
For me also, someone once outright rejected my proposal of a freeuse relationship, because they didn't think they would be able to take full responsibility for me like that. This was a huge sign of respect and showed me that this person has my safety higher than their enjoyment, which is a trait you need for these extreme types of relationships.
I hope you're doing well and will get back out there with time, just always keep your safety in mind first