1w ago

Anal probing doesn't seem that bad

That’s not what I mean….

I was just listening to a biologist podcast about tardigrades and learnt we've been subjecting them to all the extremes to see what they can tolerate: super-fast speeds, radiation, you name it we've done it to them...

Think if super-advanced aliens did this to us. Oh. Oh god. 'How much velocity to squish us?' 'How much sound to shake us apart?'

Suddenly anal probing doesn't seem so bad.

e: ‘we’ll stick an appropriately-sized thing into an orifice that seems made for that’ sounds downright friendly by comparison.

37 comments

Heres the thing. Every month, once a month. They probe you and not just them but they hand you around to their friends probing you over and over again. Every month, once a month. And then. for no reason. they stop. You never hear from them again. No calls. No text. No email. Nuthin. Totally ghosted. wtf!
- It isn’t fair. They have a lot to answer for.
  Those rings in our wheat aren’t enough, the bastards. Most of us do t even speak wheat rings anymore.
- Can... Can you sign up for this or?
  
  Oh, i can take your info here, actually.
  Please provide:
  Pseudonym: __________
  Instance: ____________
  Date of Birth: _________
  Desired Frequency:
  [ ] Twice-monthly
  [ ] Monthly
  [ ] Bi-monthly
  [ ] Hexa-monthly
  Probe Style Preference:
  [ ] Synthetic
  [ ] Biological
  Filling and sending the form will constitute consent for further contact
  
  If it was a subscription service, what would you call it?
- Totally ghosted.
  I thought we were talking about aliens...
  
  theres a lot of cross cultural relations. ghosts, aliens, demons, fairies, etc.
- And then one becomes President. Again.
- Don't threaten me with a good time...
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/probe-4
- Related (prequel?)
  https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/probe-3
  
  I was initially searching for even another one, but couldn’t find it - where aliens invade earth and request a number of people to conduct experiments on. Only to have them delivered in a short amount of time. The humans reveal that they just posted the alien’s request to several kink forums on the internet and there were many people willing to participate.
Alien abduction stories have a survivorship bias.
2/3 of our planet has a great place to drop test subjects that gave them the answers they wanted outside of fecal samples.
- Were you watching my Sims play throughs?
  
  No, yuri tentacle hentai.
I believe the anal probing stories of the 50s-70s were excuses made up by queer men to rationalize their late night encounters.
Alien in a wig = cute twink?
- That or just an indictment of how pervasive homophobia and xenophobia was in the zeitgeist of that era.
  "Aliens are different, so they must be wanting to do bad things to us ^{cause it is what I would do in their shoes} What are some bad things they could be doing to us? Sticking things up our butts ^{which is something I'm terrified of happening to me, cause what if I enjoy it and it makes me gay!}"
- I believe the anal probing stories of the 50s-70s were excuses made up by queer men to rationalize their late night encounters.
  New dating app for gay curious straight men:
In comparison to the other experiments that could be conducted on us, probing does sound relatively mild. What I want to know is why these super advanced beings that are capable of interplanetary travel haven’t been able to come up with a more sophisticated method of studying us than sticking things up our bums. Unless they enjoy it.
- Plot Twist: It is us who enjoy it.
  
  Maybe it's just some people who are so afraid and yet so fascinated about the thought of getting plowed in the ass, that they have to envision a powerful, advanced alien race that they're unable to fight, so they can justify the fantasy to themselves without having to come to terms as to why their peepee tingles when they look at other peepees.
- Don’t kink shame.
- Now I’m picturing a sort of reverse cargo cult situation in which the aliens, after a generation or so, think this is expected as a sort of human greeting.
  It seems weird, but it always starts good relations, so…
  (e: in some federation of planets, word has got round that this is the customary greeting when visiting earth.)
Depends on the construction, depth, speed, and any other unfathomable spacetime-related capabilities of said probe.
- Most people who report such an experience seem to have been relatively uninjured. e: sometimes they claim to be tagged with a chip or something. We tend to do that to animals, too.
  
  I have never probed an animal’s anus so please speak for yourself.
That's what you think!
- With a username like yours, I would have expected a little more enthusiasm :D
  
  Probes just don't do it for him I guess.
Ologies with Ali Ward (aka DadWard) I listened to it yesterday while fixing my hard wood floorboards - pretty interesting hey. I kept thinking the guest sounded a lot like Will Forte.
- Pic of your floorboards? Sorry if that’s too forward.
  
  Sure, I like someone who knows what they want. Have three! I had a bit of a rude shock once it was too late to back out - I was like “who the hell glued these quarters down man?!”
  Still gotta seal the area. Getting to this point took me far longer than I care to admit.
Alien anal probes ha e and always will be the accepted form of gayness in the rural parts of America. No one wants to say they let Charlie dick them down when they got drunk in the field. "It's aliens, I swear!!"
Obligatory
"All we've learned is that 1 out of 10 really doesn't mind."

37 comments