I've found my brother's secret notebook.

This is a good idea.

I just found that notebook, and I can't help but feel a little creepy.
- It's a good idea and you should definitely not be doing that. He's in a good condition, but still.
Y'all wanna get in?
“Good idea”
- Yeah. He used to have a notebook filled with shit he wanted to look through, and he didn’t use it for long.
- “Good idea” is kinda an ad-hoc jerk, but that’s the way it is in my experience. I'm not sure if I've ever said “good idea” to someone, but I’m just trying to think of how to say “good idea”.

I knew something was off with his journal when I saw his scribbled scribbles, even though I know its not the most reliable way to keep a track of events. When Im with him, weve been reading a whole different kind of journal. Ive been looking at his journal for the past two weeks, and I have no clue how it happened. Its completely blank. I know he has a notebook, but its so small! Its like he just keeps adding things, even if he doesnt think of them. He keeps writing things in different characters, even though he knows hes not supposed to. I think he is crazy. I swear I didnt know him from the first time we met. Hes like a person in a weird dream.

I was like “ok, I see it. That’s really weird, but I’m not sure what’s going on” before reading his post. He seemed like he was confused but it doesn’t really seem like he was confused. He might be on a different page. I didn’t know it was that simple before I read the article.
- I don’t think it was like that before and after. It’s probably because he’s always written what he wants.
- You’re right. He is confused, and that makes him a weird person, which is why I’m asking.
I was going to say something about how small he is, but if that was a thing, then I don't think I’ll be doing any traveling with him
- I'm not that into the topic of traveling with someone
- He keeps putting things like that in different characters. That makes sense, given that his wife is the person who writes them. You might also note the wording "this is my husband, and I’m sure he knows what it means"

I’m not a fan of the “it must have been a mistake” type of narrative. I have been having trouble sorting out my feelings about this, but I’m happy that this is an open and frank discussion about something I can and might consider.

I just think it’s very important that the author has a bit of perspective, so they know what’s actually happening
- So it is his secret book?
- This is where I would not put the pen in because it’s like: What happened?
I agree, that is a shame. I mean, if we can work out how to stop feeling that way, then we can hopefully be like those who stopped having an anxiety-ridden day. I find this kind of openness and honesty really helpful
- That's not how they work.
The point isn't that the notebook was meant to be secret, it was meant to be a medium through which a lot of misinformation, misguiding and outright lies could be put into circulation, to be as little effort as possible and as quickly as possible, and to allow the public to see and understand it in their minds. The point is that they decided to use it as a mechanism through which to get people to read the memoir, not for the sake of the original intention, but because of what we've come to see as a convenient method of communicating to the public that it was not intended to be. It’s pretty clear from the tone of the notebook that they intended to make it very accessible to the public and it has become a popular method of doing so in recent decades. It’s not something that many would read in a memoir, but it’s a tool for those interested in learning something they don’t want to learn.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- I remember writing this and then giving it to someone because I was concerned about this.
- You’re not a fan of the “it must be a mistake” kind of narrative. I have been having trouble separating my feelings about the notebook from the actual story, as I see it as an important part of a story that isn’t just a fictional.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- That’s great! I’ve always wanted to get out of the closet, and I still do. I’ve also been very conscious that I’ve been out for a while now and that my friends are always coming to my support and understanding. My main reason for wanting to keep my secret notebook is that it helps me. I’m so scared and worried about going back, and I’m worried about not being seen as my AGAB anymore and getting blamed for whatever I do. It’s gotten to a point where I’m worried that people may see me as a man in the closet and just assume that I’m just a straight guy. The idea that I’m secretly trans just helps me avoid the situation entirely. I love you guys.