TSSD

btw moving physically is healthy, it essentially stimulates your metabolism and you have fewer disease-causing conditions like obesity later in life.

wanting to move physically is a healthy urge and suppressing it is unhealthy. it's unnatural for people to sit still 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, for 12 years straight. and people wonder why there's an obesity pandemic today ...

I much prefer the term executive functioning disorder.

Is it because we're EFD? Lol
- That's just an amusing (and accurate) side effect. 😁

you forgot these hits:

Oops! I Did it Again??? (running into things so often that you're constantly finding bruises you don't remember getting)
Analysis Paralysis
Justice Sensitivity (it totally helps to live in a fascist state)
Having Mental Breakdowns Over Trivialities Disorder✨️
- Hard mode: surprise, PMS too! fuck you loser lol

Had my water bottle in my hand. Suddenly realized my water bottle is not in my hand. Where did it go?

Searched the entire house, it's nowhere. No, wait, it's back in my hand.

"It's too peopley" is missing.

Yes but I do have a severe problem with sitting still

5/7 of the things listed are explicitly related to attention and/or hyperactivity

It's a common misunderstanding of what "hyperactive" is supposed to be referencing. It isn't the body that is hyperactive, it is the mind.
People still think it means "Little Timmy bouncing off the walls cause he has a lot of energy" when it really means "Little Jimmy can't stop his mind enough to process thoughts"
- My buddy likes to say when he's medicated his train of thought is like grand central station. When he's unmedicated it's the same, but all the trains are running full speed, no one is driving them, they're crashing into each other and still going, there's a fight on one of the platforms where someone is trying to throw someone else on the tracks, all the food at the restaurants is burning, and there's a small army of guys with signs warning things like "The End is Near".
  You'd never know it by looking at him.
Well, yes, but they go into detail rather than just simplifying it as "This kid can't fucking sit still, what a little jerk"

All My Friends Hate Me (I Deduced This From A Three Word Text)

You have friends? And they text you back?

I mean, I don’t, but maybe OP does?

This definitely sounds like AuDHD to me.

ADHD: The world is too noisy today and I can't focus on that important thing I need to do instead of some stupid hyperfixation for 14 hours.
AuDHD: The world is too noisy today and I need to get out of here and recuperate.