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Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
da_cow (she/her) @feddit.org

The success of other people transitioning seems to be quite a trigger for my dysphoria

I already knew, that I am not capable of looking at the images of transition timelines, because it is absolutely devastating to see the progress of others while I have not even got it to get on the waiting list for an endo (but I am on my way to starting DIY). Seeing these kinds of pictures usually triggered quite heavy dysphoria and it usually comes almost instantly.

However, it seems like that not just transition timelines, but also storys of others who came out and literally had the best possible experience seems to be now a trigger too. Storys of people telling how supportive their parents are or who got the courage to go out full girl mode, while I am sitting here not trusting my parents with anything I plan on doing transition wise, since they usually try to gaslight me into not doing things or my mother gatekeeping on what standards I have to meet to be a woman. I am also way to nervous to go out in full girl mode (it took me literal weeks until being comfortable enough to not constantly hide my painted nails while being out in public).

It is absolutely devastating seeing how others are succesfull in becoming who they really are, and getting lots of support on the way to it, while it kind of feels like that I have to fight for everything myself and every single step in my transition takes literal ages.

Just so that this does not get mistaken: I have friends who are supportive, but they cant really take the burden of actually doing things from me. Best they can do is, that sometimes when we are doing something I get the courage to go out in a skirt since talking to someone distracts me and stops me from panicing over something as small as a piece of clothing. I dont even really have to fear for transphobia or meeting someone I am not out to yet when going out in girl mode. Its completely irrational, but still it takes wagon loads of courage (or weed) to actually go out in girl mode.

14 comments

  • I get a mix of intense gender envy, but also a ton of vicarious euphoria just enjoying how much happier people look/are in their timelines/stories. I can definitely relate though, and I'll go into a bit of my situation to better explain how I observe it.

    In my case I've been aware that I'm a girl for over like 16 years now, and I only mustered enough courage to go on hrt 4 years ago. In all that time I've been constantly thinking about transitioning, but I've still hardly been able to acquire any clothes or make enough gender affirming changes, so timelines for me often feel like a painful reminder that I'm unable to make the changes I want as fast as I'd like.

    I mostly manage by appreciating all the small bits of progression I do get and knowing that I'm only going to look better from here in the future. And even with how much they sometimes hurt to see, hearing about other people's success helps fill in some of the happiness I'm missing from my own transition, so I'm fortunate to get far more of a positive reaction from them.

    It's all so slow and rough (I'm still annoyed that my endo waitlist took over a year, so good call on starting DIY), but as someone also struggling to make progression I wish you the best of luck. 🙏🏻❤️

  • As a person who's been in the closet for the last 4 years, I share the same struggles as you, I'll see someone sharing their transition story/timeline on other social media platforms and get a mood hit instantly.

    Seeing other transgender people is basically a reality check for me, reminding me of the harsh reality I live in, the person I actually am, and what it can be.

    Hang in there, probably everything will be alright!!

    • seeing other trans people make me feel that way whether they are beautiful and cis-passing or the opposite - especially when I was pretransition and in denial, I just didn't want to think about gender at all

    • As a person who's been in the closet for the last 4 years

      Damn, that's a lot. I could not even imagine having to live in the closet that long. Even the few weeks when I am with my parents (they know, but they dont know my new name and I Am not comfortable enough wearing skirts and stuff around them) feel like an eternity.

      • Damn, that's a lot.

        Yeah, I dissociate a lot, haha.

        Anyways, they will get used to you doing stuff you like, they usually need to get past their trans and other stigma (which can take a really long time). If your city has a support group for parents of queer children, you can try signing them up.

  • I think those stories and images exist at all because they are the exception, and sharing their successes can be inspirational. It's not meant to make you feel bad about your life. It's about embracing your authenticity and celebrating your happiness with others.

    There are far more people who don't have a positive experience transitioning, or coming out, or even opening up to their loved ones emotionally. It's a scary world out there, and the dangers are very real. It isn't always safe to be yourself, and if weed helps you keep your anxiety in check, there's nothing wrong with that, either.

  • What you're experiencing is relatively common in my experience. Transitioning sucks, even with support. It's slow, expensive, often disappointing and it takes an absurd amount of both bravery and energy to live genuinely. You're doing great.

    I've always struggled with transition timelines, especially before I started transitioning. Thinking about it now, I'm actually surprised that I don't find they trigger dysphoria any more. Certainly still jealousy, but it makes me happy to see people enjoying life. I'm not really happy with the physical changes I've made so far, it's been slow and subtle and I can't really work out how to stop boy moding, but I like myself now even if I still want to much more.

    It's too bad that transition timelines often focus on meeting stereotypical beauty standards, because imo transition is about so much more than that. I get to talk to a lot of people at different stages, and the truly inspiring thing is how much happier people become. It's definitely a fight, but it's one you can win even if it's in ways you might not expect. I'm sorry it's so damn hard and I wish it was possible to ease the burden.

    Celebrate your wins as they come, you're working hard as hell and deserve to feel good about every step forward.

  • I think you should keep in mind that transition timelines and success stories are just that. Stories about specifically the success, not the full story...

    Over all I'm incredibly happy with my transition but I feel like for almost all of us, there is going to be at least one wrench in all of it. Friends/Family we had to cut out of our lives, belittlement from people, outright discrimination, or even just the nightmare that getting HRT is.

    You got this, even if it takes you time. And you're not alone in your struggles!

14 comments