Scary Movies for Wimps

(tl;dr: scroll down for my plain list of not-too-scary scary movies, without gore warnings or editorializing. If you have recs for me based on the list, I’d love to hear them!)

The smell of wood smoke and dead leaves in the air; tardy dawns and chilly twilights; pumpkin spice added to all the foods – the signs are there: it’s spooky season! That time of year where the world is made up two kinds of people: pumpkin-carving, costume-wearing, candy-eating, movie-watching Halloween-heads, and losers. You can see where my loyalties lie.

Of the former enlightened and judicious group, there is a smaller, more unfortunate subset to which I also belong: those of us who love spooky season in principle, but who just can’t handle it in practice. It may be a tragic irony, the horror fan who scares too easily, but it’s not uncommon. I know this because every September I spend a disproportionate amount of time trawling the internet for Halloween movie viewing options that are juuuust right: fun without being too tame or too childish, atmospheric without being terrifying. And if you google phrases like “horror movies for chickens,” “scary movies that aren’t too scary,” or even “Halloween movies for tweens, pre-teens, and little kids,” there are a lot of lists out there already! But usually, their entries are either too boring (Teen Witch, please), or their sense of what’s scary is way off (I once came across a list that suggested The Conjuring as a good gateway horror movie for the timid viewer. Are you KIDDING me).

The lists that do seem to hit the right tone for me all recommend the same movies: Beetlejuice and Ghostbusters, Hocus Pocus and The Witches, Monster House and Coraline, Practical Magic and Sleepy Hollow. Don’t get me wrong, some of these are great – but there are only so many times you can watch Angelica Huston melting in a lumpy plasticine mask before the experience loses some of its fright factor.

So, if you, too, spend each fall searching high and low for Halloween movies riding that line between snoozefest and nightmare fuel, this list might be for you. Based on countless hours of research and personal trial-and-error, these movies (and one show!) were spooky enough to give me some jolts or some creeps while I watched them, but not scary enough to keep me awake at night afterwards. They also don’t appear on the most mainstream lists you’ll find, so hopefully one or two of these are new discoveries for you. Happy viewing, and Happy Halloween!

*A note on the list: while I’m not averse to some campy gore, I know that fellow fraidy-cats may be, so I’ve tried to include details about the type of scare factor for each entry. For me, sleepless nights are mostly related to ghosts/supernatural scares, so I’m better with the zombie/monster/slasher side of things. The list is in vaguely preferential order, meaning only that I’ve saved my most favourites for last.

The List

16 Little Monsters (2019) Not to be confused with the 1989 movie of the same name, *Little Monsters *(2019) is an Australian zombie horror-comedy that inexplicably stars Oscar-winning, blockbuster-headlining, all-around goddess Lupita Nyong’o as a kindergarten teacher whose class fieldtrip takes a turn for the apocalyptic when the farm they’re visiting is overrun by zombies. There’s plenty of gore and some hit-and-miss gross-out humour, so this one is not for the seriously squeamish. But it’s a cheerful, zany, and sometimes pretty funny addition to the zombie cannon, with none of the bleak tragedy that’s a staple of more the more serious films in the genre (lookin’ at you, Night of the Living Dead).

15 Rear Window (1954) and Dial M for Murder (1954) If you enjoy the panache and suspense of classic Hitchcock films, but you’re not a big fan of overt misogyny, then these are my top recommendations. Don’t get me wrong, there’s still plenty of sexism to go around, but it’s not as distractingly centre-stage in these films as in some of his others. They’re clever, stylish thrillers with sustained tension and even some surprising scares, and the gore factor is minimal to none (although some violence is present in each).

14 Extra Ordinary (2019) Irish paranormal horror comedy Extra Ordinary follows Rose (Maeve Higgins), a lonely driving instructor who has been ignoring her supernatural ability to communicate with ghosts ever since a freak exorcism accident killed her father. The movie is a triumph of bonkers deadpan humour – the charming, understated lead actors are effectively offset by Will Forte chewing scenery as a washed-up musician channelling demonic forces to recapture his glory days. Contains some casual violence and gross-out gore.

13 The Final Girls(2015) The Final Girls falls into a category we could call Slasher-Lite: not as upsetting as more brutally slashy films (e.g., Scream) or sadistically violent horror (e.g., Saw), but if you want your Halloween scares fully gore-free, this is not the genre for you. Like all the best parodies, this movie is both a send-up of and a tribute to its subject—in this case, 80s horror clichés, like that of “the final girl,” the virtuous tomboy heroine who is usually the sole (female) survivor of a slasher blood-bath. In this iteration, it’s Max (Taissa Farmiga), who finds herself trapped along with a group of her friends in one of the slasher movies starring Max’s mom (Malin Åkerman), a Scream Queen from the 80s who died in a car accident that Max survived. A whole lotta meta-jokes and quippy dialogue supplement the movie’s surprisingly heartfelt emotional core.

12 Troll Hunter (2010) The Norwegian Troll Hunter is a great example of the found-footage horror mockumentary. If you were too afraid to watch The Blair Witch Project, but you like the minimalist feel and the natural acting of the found-footage genre, then you’ll love Troll Hunter. It’s dryly funny, with striking scenery, some impressive special effects (especially for the time), and a feeling of persistent dread that I found pretty disconcerting. The gore is minimal, though there are a few incidents of troll-related violence that were surprisingly effective and could disturb some viewers.

11 Happy Death Day (2017) & Happy Death Day 2 U (2019) The Happy Death Day movies are two really fun additions to the Slasher-Lite canon that also belong to the “time loop” genre: college mean girl Theresa “Tree” Gelbman (Jessica Rothe) finds herself perpetually reliving her birthday, which is also the day of her own murder—prevent the murder, break the loop (she hopes). It may not be revolutionary material, but it’s satisfyingly well-executed. Fast-paced and fun, these movies are also a rare instance where the sequel is as good or better than the original, adding a sci-fi twist to its horror premise with entertaining results.

10 The Host (2006) Since Bong Joon-ho became a household name with Parasite in 2019, his other work, like 2006’s The Host, may have found its way into the mainstream. But in case you haven’t heard of it, it’s worth mentioning here as my favourite Creature Feature (after Jurassic Park, of course). It tells the story of Park Gang-du (Song Kang-ho, who also stars in Parasite), a hapless father attempting to rescue his only daughter, who was snatched by a monster that emerges from the Han River. I remember the first time that I watched it, I loved its special effects, its wicked action sequences, and its affecting family drama. The second time I watched it, many years later, I still admired all of those things, but I also found it very funny—make of that what you will. Lots of monster violence throughout.

9 Freaky(2020) Rounding out my selections from the Slasher-Lite category, Freaky is maybe the goriest of the bunch, so buyer beware. It’s also a fun take on the “body swap” genre, where mild-mannered high school student Millie (Kathryn Newton) accidentally switches bodies with the Butcher (Vince Vaughan), a deranged serial killer. Watching Vince Vaughan play a teen girl with real conviction might be this movie’s main selling point, but with its snappy dialogue, some skillful slapstick, and a supporting cast who all seem to be fully enjoying themselves, there’s lots to like.

8 A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014) Persian-language Western-style vampire movie A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is full of surprises. It’s beautiful to look at, using black-and-white film to capture both the barren solitude and the voluptuous squalor of fictional Iranian town Bad City, where a lonely vampire (Sheila Vand) encounters criminals, prostitutes, and a sweet, vulnerable young man named Arash (Arash Marandi). Part love story, part revenge fantasy, part monster movie, part social commentary, A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night wears a lot of different hats, but makes them all look good. It’s a little harrowing and a little heartwarming, and its moments of violence deemphasize gore in favour of a lush, stylized symbolism that may make it easier, or harder, to take.

7 Goosebumps (2015) Ok, hear me out. This movie may be based on the R. L. Stine series of children’s books (which was way too scary for me when I was a kid), and it may also already appear on a lot of “best Halloween movies for tweens” lists, but! It is way better than the usual tiresome teen fare. It’s a pretty conventional premise: world-weary teen Zach (Dylan Minnette, pre-13 Reasons Why fame) and his mom move from the big city to a cute small town, where in getting to know their new neighbours, a reclusive horror writer and his charming but mysterious daughter, supernatural hijinks ensue. The cast is good, the script is solid, and if the jokes are more frequent than the scares, there’s still some creep factor (or maybe I’m just too easily freaked out by ventriloquist dummies). Regardless, the all-around festive, Halloween feel of the film is delightful, and makes it a good spooky season watch.

6 One Cut of the Dead (2017) This Japanese masterpiece is not your average zombie movie. Things start out predictably: a fanatical director (Takayuki Hamatsu), a small cast of actors, and a skeleton (ha) crew are filming a low-budget zombie movie in an abandoned water filtration plant, when they are set upon by actual zombies. But after about the 40-minute mark, this film makes a wild 180 that would be ruined if I described it further. Don’t google this movie! Just watch it! (Low-budget zombie gore throughout, but nothing very graphic.)

5 The Vast of Night (2019) Visually arresting, narratively gripping, and deeply unsettling, The Vast of Night is cool and strange, tense and eerie, and perfect for horror fans who don’t like the sight of blood. Set in the 1950s and filmed in black and white, the movie follows switchboard operator Fay (Sierra McCormack) and radio DJ Everett (Jake Horowitz) as they investigate a mysterious frequency that interrupts Everett’s late-night broadcast. There’s zero onscreen violence or gore and little action to speak of, which makes it all the more impressive that the movie is so riveting, elevated by sharp cinematography, great writing, and first-rate performances.

4 Snatchers(2019) A teen girl version of the Hangover meets Aliens, Snatchers depicts the catastrophic fallout from the first sexual experience of high-school wallflower Sara (Mary Nepi). This movie has so many gross-out moments that somehow made me laugh out loud even as I was covering my eyes, that I don’t really know who to recommend it to. It might be one of those movies that’s just not as good if you don’t watch it in a squealing, popcorn-throwing group of friends, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and say, I think it’s better than that: unapologetically crude, bizarre, and hilarious, the movie relies on old-school special effects for gruesome monster mayhem and high-speed teen speak for its tight pace and best jokes. Not for the faint of heart, but also not very frightening.

3 Over the Garden Wall (2014) From the minds behind Adventure Time, this is a complete animated series, but there are only 10 episodes of about 10-12 minutes each, so the whole thing can be watched in one sitting. Of all the entrants on this list, Over the Garden Wall best captures the wistful, nostalgic pleasure of Halloween, as well as its uncanny feel. Wonderfully sweet, frequently funny, and deeply strange, the series chronicles the journey of a young boy and his little brother who are trying to find their way home through a mysterious wood. Perfect for viewing on a dark, rainy night, curled up with a steaming mug of tea and your coziest blankets. Zero gore, but some spookiness throughout.

2 Attack the Block(2011) Before John Boyega led the Star Wars revival of the mid-2010s, he was already tangling with space beasts in Attack the Block, the best alien invasion movie out there (I will die on this hill). Snappy, silly, stirring, and seriously scary, this movie has it all, including a talented core cast of colour, able supporting turns by Nick Frost and Jodie Whittaker, and some great one-liners. If you’re not used to super-thick South London accents, it’s best watched with the subtitles on. Pretty vivid monster-related violence and gore throughout.

1 Housebound (2014) Strong female characters? Check. Deadpan New Zealand comedy? Check. Mysterious happenings and not-too-frequent but still legitimate frights that are yet, somehow, not too frightening? Check. This is my perfect not-too-scary scary movie, and I don’t know why more people haven’t heard of it. It’s got a great premise: Kylie (Morgana O’Reilly) is a troubled young woman serving a sentence under house arrest at her mother’s, where the women begin to suspect that the house may be haunted. It’s as fun as it sounds! There are a few moments of violence / gore, but nothing too explicit or out-of-step with its light, dry tone.

Do you have other recommendations that, based on this list, you think I’d like? Hit me up!

The List in sum:

16 Little Monsters (2019)

15 Rear Window (1954) and Dial M for Murder (1954)

14 Extra Ordinary (2019)

13 The Final Girls (2015)

12 Troll Hunter (2010)

11 Happy Death Day (2017) and Happy Death Day 2 U (2019)

10 The Host (2006)

9 Freaky (2020)

8 A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014)

7 Goosebumps (2015)

6 One Cut of the Dead (2017)

5 The Vast of Night (2019)

4 Snatchers (2019)

3 Over the Garden Wall (2014)

2 Attack the Block (2011)

1 Housebound (2014)