Don't worry about it, I love hearing from you whenever you're in post-responding mode. Thanks for engaging. :)
Thank you for empathizing with my weird rp situation. There are a couple of elements to it for me:
- The day I'm supposed to meet them, I boymode from the moment I get up so I can get used to it. It isn't bad since other trans people I see around recognize me and know what I'm doing. I end up looking like a very effeminate man dressed as a trucker, almost a butch lesbian vibe. That's the best I can do, and it's actually kind of gender-affirming that I fail at masculinity so hard. As long as I don't have to change my body for that gender presentation (beyond letting my arm and leg hair grow a bit) and as long as it's just two days out of the week at most, it's a worthy sacrifice for me. It does cause me a little stress to think about, like I'm slipping irreversibly into manhood, but when it's over I'm back to my old self.
- The sex is a little odd since I can't top very well, and my partner certainly doesn't want to top. We've never had sex with our clothes on, but I put my hair in a bun and try to be as dominant as I can. Last time, all I did was give them a blowjob and finger them a bit. Hopefully we'll have more energy next time. I'm desperate for sex, so anything is better than nothing.
As for hormones, not cumming much is absolutely a side effect of full MTF hormone therapy, in my case E and spiro. There are still orgasms, but not significant ejaculations. If you did monotherapy or just E + finasteride or some other DHT blocker, it might be different. You might think of the latter cases as enby hormones, since there would probably still be significant levels of T, so your dick would probably work the same.
I don't need to top, but with this partner maybe I'm a passive top. π I do it for them, and I get a little lethargic in that role, maybe due to trauma or something else. I hate bashing the people I'm with, and they really are a nice person, but I always prefer to be the little one. π₯Ί It's weird when fem AMAB people try to help me live some unclaimed manhood or whatever. Where were you when I was 22? When I was 16? I was abstinent for 7 or 8 years because nobody wanted me to top in the aggressive, BDSM-informed way that I see as ideal. And there was that that one guy who wanted me to "rape" him. Like bro, I'm barely hard, and you've never bottomed before. I swear, the people I date are the most random and often ill-fitting partners imaginable, and I'm so socially awkward/desperate that I will accept them just because.