J.D. Vance Revives Couch-Sex Rumors With Awkward Wife Joke
J.D. Vance Revives Couch-Sex Rumors With Awkward Wife Joke
A joke that the Ohio senator once got intimate with a couch has dominated political memes the last two weeks. On Tuesday, the VP hopeful may have inadvertently kept the gag going.
'“Now, I would call her up here to come and speak,” he said, “but then I think I’d have to sleep on the couch tonight, so I’ll leave her alone.”
Vance smiled big as he delivered the joke, which earned some tepid laughter from the crowd.'
What a fucking creep.
130There is now officially more evidence for JD's couch shenanigans than anything involving Hunter Biden's laptop.
56The way this is evolving by the end of the month Marjorie Taylor Greene is going to roll a TV out into the floor of the house and show a video of JD fucking a couch.
22
But then I think I’d have to sleep with the couch tonight, er, I mean on the couch tonight. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
38A subtle adjustment would have been good. "But then I think I'd have to sleep WITH the couch tonight."
6
It wasn’t even a rumor. It was a shit post
75Shh. Part of the shit post is all of us talking about it as if it was a rumor. Don't ruin the joke
42Right? Never stopped the right from spouting blatant lies (hello, Obama's birth certificate that Trump catalyzed?). Nice to fight fire with fire for a spell.
22
What? Is anyone else noticing just how plain weird him and trump are?
38I bet y’all were wondering when I’d get around to making this comment. Well, here I am and here it is:
Print photos of different couches or dolphins and mail them to any or all of these locations:
https://www.vance.senate.gov/office-locations/
Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”
And remember kids, if you shake it more than twice, you’re playing with it.
31Went over about as good as his Diet Mt. Dew joke. Comedy is definitely not his backup job. His best approach would have been early on to dismiss the meme as a dumb joke and move on, but that ship sailed a while ago. Everyone knows it's a joke, but the more he tries to undo it or roll with it now, the worse it gets.
28Are we seeing gay fish happening in real time?!
9I dunno. The best thing anybody could do in his situation is, aside of not fucking couches that is, is to own it, make it your own, and roll with it.
5Perfect. Stay the course, JD
5
God, what a weirdo
27Like Ron DeSantis before him, after seeing JD Vance talk I'm confused why he was hyped up. Seems like they should just not try to make their most awkward speakers the next face of the party.
25Are you implying they have an army of clean cut and articulate politicians just waiting for their chance to wow the masses? I'm pretty sure guys like Vance are about the best they can get out of the pool of people willing to put their name on a MAGA ticket.
26
To completion
21I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
13Never to completion? What a fucking quitter.
9NO RECORDS OK, SO IT DIDNT HAPPEN. EVERYBODY KNOWS IT
4
18“Now, I would call her up here to come and speak,” he said, “but then I think I’d have to sleep on the couch tonight, so I’ll leave her alone.”
Vance smiled big as he delivered the joke, which earned some tepid laughter from the crowd.
12Wait, did he say that on purpose?
3I honestly cannot tell. He’s smart enough to catch what he did but idk
2
The Mascara Shillbilly sure knows how to loveseat.
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