“AI toothbrushes” are coming for your teeth—and your data

Roko's basilisk is gonna have a field day with this one

I fucking hate brushing my teeth. I cannot understand how so many people seem to just willingly do it like multiple times a day. How do they deal with the feeling of open revolt that washes over every cell in your body when thinking of teeth brushing?

I was thinking a vibrator from a device with haptics, but if that's what you want, go for it.

Or my data

Or at least take him out to dinner first.

God I can only imagine spoonkid reading this sponsor out and it wouldn't even sound off

I'm not an adventurous person. I haven't been to a sex shop at home in decades so I don't keep up with what's available out there. But on vacation in Tokyo in 2023, I was at a four story sex shop in Akihabara. The top floor is exclusive to men, no women allowed up there. There are all sorts of fuck dolls and the more intense, expensive dude stuff up there.

Now, what I was not mentally prepared for was the glass display case. I don't remember much about what else was in the case but the thing that caught my eye was what I can only call "The Device."

The Device was a very inelegant metal machine that in any other context I would have assumed was some kind of kitchenware. But it had a nozzle on the end and it was incredibly obvious what The Device was there to do. This was not a nice machine, it was a tool with one purpose. I imagine it was incredibly good at that, too.

I was tight on cash for that trip and this thing was listed at 45,000 yen, which was about $375 at the time. I joked with my friends that it would be well worth it. It would have been difficult to get home due to size and I imagine heft. I would have taken The Device back to our rental house and let it suck the soul out of my body. I would have died on that trip and would have had no regrets.

I went back to the same store earlier this year and the glass case had other things in it, The Device nowhere to be found. Someone bought it, took it home, and was claimed by its power. The shelves of the top floors of that shop are now sleek looking plastic and silicon jerk machines that look very user friendly; exactly what you'd expect from a sex toy. But they are probably nothing compared to The Device.

Its the way of the future

Apparently no one did any market research first:

https://futurism.com/the-byte/study-consumers-turned-off-products-ai

That ⬇️

Our rice cooker's only "logic" is a spring that lifts the bowl off the element once enough water has evaporated.

*Inspects saucepan*

It does? Wow this technology stuff is more insidious than I thought.

fuzzy logic doesn't send a constant stream of user data back to the mother company.

The problem isn't using choice making systems, the problem is using purchased appliances as spyware for corporate profit.

I don’t have or use a rice cooker. Not that that makes me special. I cook my rice in the oven using the Alton Brown method.

I had one of those but the battery died pretty quickly :(

Now I have an Oral B Pro 1000

That's sorta my point.

IIRC, the 2 minutes is the bare-minimum, and intended for someone with perfect teeth and technique. Now most people (ones who aren't perfect) use the toothbrush, their common reaction to the timer completing is they are done brushing. They don't realize that they were likely rushing to keep up with the timer and ignoring different plaque hot spots.

I personally have a couple crowns that my previous dentist screwed up on and mis-sized the base, leaving a ledge where food and plaque get stuck in. If I don't spend extra time around them, tatar will form like a madman. (Same issue with my lingual bar before I had it removed)

I'm alright with a timer to help keep rhythm and let you know when you hit the minimum, but don't make it integral to using the damn brush and turn it off when it hits zero.