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Hi, we're a tech startup run by libertarian Silicon Valley tech bros.

Hi, we're a tech startup run by libertarian Silicon Valley tech bros.

We're not a newspaper, we're a content portal.
We're not a taxi service, we're a ride sharing app.
We're not a pay TV service, we're a streaming platform.
We're not a department store, we're an e-commerce marketplace.
We're not a financial services firm, we're crypto.
We're not a space agency, we're a group of visionaries who are totally going to Mars next year.
We're not a copywriting and graphic design agency, we're a large language model generative AI platform.

Oh sure, we compete against those established businesses. We basically provide the same goods and services.

But we're totally not those things. At least from a legal and PR standpoint.

And that means all the laws and regulations that have built up over the decades around those industries don't apply to us.

Things like consumer protections, privacy protections, minimum wage laws, local content requirements, safety regulations, environmental protections... They totally don't apply to us.

Even copyright laws — as long as we're talking about everyone else's intellectual property.

We're going to move fast and break things — and then externalise the costs of the things we break.

We've also raised several billion in VC funding, and we'll sell our products below cost — even give them away for free for a time — until we run our competition out of the market.

Once we have a near monopoly, we'll enshitify the hell out of our service and jack up prices.

You won't believe what you agreed to in our terms of service agreement.

We may also be secretly hoarding your personal information. We know who you are, we know where you work, we know where you live. But you can trust us.

By the time the regulators and the general public catch on to what we're doing, we will have well and truly moved on to our next grift.

By the way, don't forget to check out our latest innovation. It's the Uber of toothpaste!

startup #business #tech #technology @technology

143 comments
  • @ajsadauskas @technology The one thing I don't sympathise with in that list is the taxi services — at least here in #Ottawa, they were even more exploitative than Uber or Lyft, with a small number of plate holders acting as feudal lords for the drivers, and extracting rent from their vassals even on a bad shift with few fares.

    The city could have fixed that by issuing more plates, but the plate-owner lobby was too powerful.

    • Exact same system in Paris, with the same issues.

    • It's not all black or white, those startups brought some good things like breaking highly profitable monopolies and creating well designed apps that provide a much better service which ended up being picked up by the former monopolies, overall the quality of service often improved and we sometimes have more choice now, like picking the less human exploiting alternative that still has a usable app.

    • Ah yes, the “local taxi lobby.” Uber helped show a lot of us what a fucking joke that is, not just in Ottawa.

      Innovation, choice, quality and freedom are the choice spices for capitalism soup. These shit-cook-legislators kept sprinkling in taint like protectionism, cronyism, extortion and corruption thinking nobody would notice. Well guess what? Now it’s just taint soup.

      Why does it matter who’s serving you taint soup? The problem is there’s no other soup and they keep telling you it’s fine.

    • While we don't like what these services have become, lots of people forget how bad comparative services were before these came along. Example: bookstores. Everyone dreams up some ideal bookstore that didn't exist for the majority. Growing up, my local bookstore was run by a religious nut who refused to get Devil literature like Lord of the Rings. The good bookstores were in Ann Arbor, which was a 45 minute drive away. Chains like Borders, B&N, or web stores like Amazon were a huge positive change.

  • @ajsadauskas @technology don’t forget the fact that a good amount never turn a profit

    • I was a couple of years in the Tech Startup World not long ago, but at a point when I was already an Old Seadog of a Techie (having crossed a couple of Industries to get there, including Finance, and qualified amonst other things in Business Analysis, so I did saw everything also from a business angle).

      People's motivations are not AT ALL about profits or even creating a legacy in the form of a successful company: Tech Startups are made from the very start to make the Founders and Early Adopter filthy rich via an Exist Strategy (normally IPO or Buyout by a larger company).

      This is actually all very open (if there is one thing Founders discuss a lot is Exit Strategies) and Pitching is all about convincing early investors that they're going to make a lot of money. Sure, the right bollocks is fed to the (almost always young and naive) techies to make them work crazy hours for little more than promisses (usually broken, often quite purposefully using financial mechanisms like stock dillution) of lots of money from stock options, as well as to the small investors who buy the stock at or post IPO (who are seen as marks no just here but by the Finance Industry, of which Startups are nowadays pretty much just another arm, in general), but if you're actually inside the Industry with enough experience in the right areas, it's pretty obvious what drives those who control it (which nowadays are people from Finance, Marketing and other Sales-similar areas, seldom Techies)

      Unlike in the previous wave of Startups (back in the late 90s, during which I was also in the Industry, but more peripherally) people aren't out to make great things or create self-sustained companies: it's all about the big score in the form of a successful IPO or massive buyout.

  • @ajsadauskas @technology
    And we'll change our TOS and user agreement to our advantage whenever we feel like it but won't tell you what changed or why or how it'll effect you. But legally we told you so fck off if you have a problem with that.

  • You left out, "once we get the IPO, we're fucking right off with our billions."

  • Sounds great! Please take all of my savings, my kids' college fund, and the money from mortgaging my house. I'm sure you'll put it to good use and I'll get any sort of return at all.

  • @ajsadauskas @technology "By the way, don't forget to check out our latest innovation. It's the Uber of toothpaste!"

    From: noreply@tøøther.com
    Subject: Account closure

    Dear User,

    You have been rated 3 stars or lower by our toothbrushing partners in the last 14 days. For this reason we are closing your Tøøther account and revoking your toothpaste access. This decision is final and there is no appeal process.

    Best regards,

    Tøøther Trust And Safety Team.

  • Yo, you looking to recruit? I'm unabashedly brazen with sharing my search history.

    Furries have to get to space somehow.

  • @ajsadauskas @technology And don’t forget their enablers - the investors who pour in billions of dollars of other people’s money, the marketeers who hype these “disruptive” technologies and the copycats who naively follow them. “Disrupter” used to be a bad word - how that became a badge of honor is another of Silicon Valley’s mysteries. #disruptors #SiliconValley

143 comments