Time for the poop knife
82ReplyA complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.
28Reply*poop knife and poop ruler
10Reply
The poop knife stays on reddit. Please.
-10ReplyThe poop knife transcends reddit, please
19ReplyCan't have both your fancy app and your fancy knife
5ReplyI first learned of the poop knife on Metafilter.
3Reply
Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached
64ReplyThat thing only works for standard length tho
4ReplyPeriodically move it sideways. One oversized poop becomes two standard poops. Pooplication.
2Reply
Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.
30ReplyThe real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.
30ReplyFortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.
5ReplyWhile americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.
4ReplyThe United States, Liberia, and Myanmar all high five one another and beg to differ. It's an exclusive club
1Reply
The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.
20ReplyBut not Bigger?
9ReplyThe first letter if Bigger. That computes.
5Reply
18ReplySir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.
17ReplyThat's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.
14ReplyPretty much this size
3ReplyI think 2.5 inches would be closer to a soda can if we're using references.
6ReplyThey should just refer to the caliber
5ReplyRelevant username.
That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.
3Reply
Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.
That's bigger than a Coke can.
12ReplySure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.
I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.
They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign
6Reply
Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.
11ReplyTime to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.
11ReplyThat is way less volume. Acceptable.
4ReplyRinse & repeat
1Reply
Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.
4Reply
When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔
11ReplyHere in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.
10ReplyI poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.
I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.
9ReplyI poop in Courics
3ReplyTake my upvote you magnificent bastard.
1Reply
That's the size of a standard UK beer can.
What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?
8ReplyDamn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it
7ReplyWhat should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?
7ReplyA bean batter.
2Reply
How many courics is that?
6ReplyAh crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.
5ReplyPermanently Deleted
4ReplyOkay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?
3ReplyNow we all know where Goatse poops
2ReplyGotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"
2ReplySuspiciously specific.
1Replyagreed 🧐.
2Reply