12 mo. ago • 98%

Sorry for the inconvenience

65 comments

Time for the poop knife

82
- A complimentary poop knife and ruler should be provided.
  
  28
  
  *poop knife and poop ruler
  
  10
- The poop knife stays on reddit. Please.
  
  -10
  
  The poop knife transcends reddit, please
  
  19
  
  Can't have both your fancy app and your fancy knife
  
  5
  
  I first learned of the poop knife on Metafilter.
  
  3
Need one of those tools for measuring spaghetti portions attached

64
- That thing only works for standard length tho
  
  4
  
  Periodically move it sideways. One oversized poop becomes two standard poops. Pooplication.
  
  2
Gotta plan accordingly, or carry a poop knife.

30
The real inconvenience is having to convert the olde world measurements to modern ones anyone would understand.

30
- Fortunately toilets tend to stay attached to a specific region, so it's possible to know which unit system the best majority of people using it will be most familiar with.
  
  5
- While americans don't measure in centimeters, we do understand grams. Weigh the damn poops.
  
  4
- The United States, Liberia, and Myanmar all high five one another and beg to differ. It's an exclusive club
  
  1
The arbitrary capitalisation of “Poops” and “Time” bothers me immensely.

20
- But not Bigger?
  
  9
  
  The first letter if Bigger. That computes.
  
  5
Brought to you by big poop knife

18
Sir. Sir. Sir! Your poop is too big. Please take it with you. Sorry for the inconvenience.

17
That's funny... until I actually think about a 2.5in diameter turd... then I'm horrified.

14
- Pretty much this size
  
  3
  
  I think 2.5 inches would be closer to a soda can if we're using references.
  
  6
  
  They should just refer to the caliber
  
  5
  
  Relevant username.
  
  That thing is nowhere near 2.5" dia.
  
  3
Whoever is making those poops, I feel so sorry for your tattered asshole.

That's bigger than a Coke can.

12
- Sure, sure. But they've probably been doing it for a while now.
  
  I feel bad for the person who's come to expect them and isn't going to get their XXL turds today.
  
  They are going to be very disappointed when they read that sign
  
  6
Just hang a poop knife. Problem solved.

11
Time to squeeze them sphincter muscles to extrude a 4 inch long, 2.25 in diameter turd.

11
- That is way less volume. Acceptable.
  
  4
  
  Rinse & repeat
  
  1
- Ah, the Play-doh fun factory technique.
  
  4
When ya forget the tape measure outside of the bathroom 😔

11
Here in Australia no one has "poop knives". American plumbing is a sad joke. Most Aussies don't even own a plunger.

10
I poop in metric so this doesn't apply to me.

I live in Japan and you can flush a pair of work boots down these toilets.

9
- I poop in Courics
  
  3
  
  Take my upvote you magnificent bastard.
  
  1
That's the size of a standard UK beer can.

What fucking animals are using that poor toilet?

8
Damn. Where's lemmy shitpost when you need it

7
What should be the lemmy equivalent of the poop knife? A shit blade? A defecation spatula? A dung spoon?

7
- A bean batter.
  
  2
How many courics is that?

6
Ah crap, my poop is 2 and 5/8 inches in diameter and 6 and 1/8 inches long.

5
Don't tell me how to live my life

5
Permanently Deleted

4
Okay, so I gotta pinch it off twice then?

3
Now we all know where Goatse poops

2
Gotta get one of those Play-Doh shape-sphincters to shove up your butt before you get down to business to "defeat the huns"

2
Suspiciously specific.

1
- agreed 🧐.
  
  2

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