You are now in charge of Russia. What do you do?

Try to learn Russian really quickly.

• Give Volodymyr a call
• Pull out of Ukraine and Georgia
• Hand over Putin to ICC
• Instruct the loyalists that democratic reform is coming, and nobody is to be given the window/tea treatment.
• Call Navalnys widow and tell her to prepare her political aparatus
• Announce an election in 6 months (should be enough to prepare everything, I guess?) with international observers encouraged to participate
• Realize that I have no fucking idea how to ensure that elections on that scale are free and fair, so I ask for assistance from aforementioned observers.
• Pull an epic prank on Lukashenko. Possibly involving potatoes.
• Realize that I am in no way fit to run a country, and start planning my (safe) exit. Once the election results are in I'll be gone without a trace.
• Repeal putins laws
• Start releasing political prisoners
• Last thing I do before leaving is calling this guy named/called Misha whether he's fine with Murmansk, or if he wants the city to have a new name.

Nice try, Putin.

two chicks at the same time

assign everyone a government mandated fursona

Freak the fuck out.

Pull back from Ukraine, Crimea, and Georgia, and negotiate an immediate ceasefire.

Call as many political scientists and scholars as possible and get their advice on how the fuck I can design a reformed system of democratic governance that is robust enough to withstand the inevitable attempts to undermine and corrupt it.

Find the multitude of stashed billions from the various oligarchs and seize it, use the money to invest in overhauling Russian society--improving infrastructure and education, improving the standard of living, etc.

transfer collective power of russia to hexbear and see what happens

Get the fuck out of Russia

Probably get assassinated if I'm being real

Probably shit my self.

Not because it's scary or something, just because I have so much power that I can shit myself and no one would dare say anything.

I think i'm starting to understand dictators

Ideally, I'd call up Zelenskyy, ask if he wanted to hang out, have a beer and offer him the job.

Realistically, I'd be doomscrolling on Lemmy, have a wank, get drunk and go to bed.

Don't stand too close to windows.

For starters:

Arrest Putin and all his enablers.

Stop all hostilities with Ukraine.

Return all prisoners.

Help rebuild Ukraine.

Develop Russia into what it can be. It's the largest country in the world, lots of land and resources. Build it up responsibly and sustainably.

Recognize the positive achievements of Russia while trying to avoid past mistakes.

Contact Zelensky directly, and offer the following peace terms:

Ukraine gets it's land back, everyone gets their own people back, war crimes are investigated. Inform him that if he takes the deal, I'll start issuing orders to surrender immediately, and we can sign whatever document and do whatever ceremony when people aren't dying. Delegate the orders to withdraw and surrender.

Call Trump and talk to him about future relationships with Russia. Immediately publish the phonecall so there's evidence of him violating the Logan act.

Then I'd schedule a to see a physician so I can get some Healthcare, and start bringing in real experts so I can fix the domestic problems Russia is facing. This'll probably include a translator because I don't speak Russian. My overall goals with the reforms would be restructuring the central government to be an extremely robust democracy, abolishing corporations and replacing them with cooperatives, putting together better (especially IT) infrastructure, and dismantling Oil production. Russia is already a place where online piracy thrives, so I'd probably lean into that, and make state-sponsored programs that make information freely available to the entire world.

Finally. All these years of Hearts of Iron are going to pay off big time.

Invite DJT, Bibi and several other leaders to my dining room, on 14th floor, with great view as with many, many windows ...

I would want to be the sort of leader with tons of weird facts around himself, so

Offer a ceasefire with Ukraine, try to make peace with as little losses as possible. It's not really my priority to make war, my priority is filling my wikipedia page with as many different shit as possible.

Abolish physics laws one day, then legalise it again.

Introduce Mann Co's CEO policy for the position of Vice President. (Whoever can beat the current VP via one on one unarmed combat becomes the current VP, no matter who.)

Legalise gambling between 03:00-07:00 and ban it between any other time interval.

Define tax evasion as a taxable income source, as long as they detail how they commit tax evasion so future laws can patch it.

Take putin's legalising piracy one step further and fund open source piracy software openly. Offer developers full time residency and shielding from law if they encounter legal troubles.

Make a deal with another country's leader to declare war and make peace right afterwards, breaking the records for fastest declaration of war, shortest war and the fastest peace treaty. Maybe declare multiple wars in a similar fashion to try to keep lowering the records.

Recognise all micronations, with the exception of those around Antartica.

Claim Antartica is owned by polar bears and define all claims made there as illegitimate claims.

Stop the war.

Apologize.

Find someone else to run the show.

Ctrl+A, Delete

Resign. I can't handle that kind of responsibility

I really don't like that level of responsibility. Probably just put the country under anarchic rule, and head back home.

I'm not saying I'd demand a functional set of Doctor Doom armor, but I'm not saying I wouldn't.

As I, Ivan IV, now stand as the undisputed ruler of Russia, my first act shall be to consolidate power by crushing any remaining dissent among the boyars. I will strengthen the central government, expand our territory through conquest, and establish a centralized, autocratic rule to ensure the absolute authority of the Tsar. The people will be brought to heel, and the Orthodox Church will be harnessed to support my reign. Russia will become a vast and powerful empire, feared by all, as I reshape it according to my vision.

Let a hell of a lot of people out of prison and throw a Pussy Riot concert for them.

This... is difficult.

See, the oligarchs love Putin because he keeps them wealthy and comfortable at the cost of his people. If I come in and start helping my people, it'll come from the oligarchs, then they'll turn on me. Which comes to the other Putin thing, he's absolutely feared in Russia. Someone annoys him, polonium tea. To those that are absolutely loyal to him, he has an iron fist with a velvet glove. To those not in positions of power, the glove isn't there. That's what his power is.

I'd like to think I'm cutthroat if it were in the name of good... but we're talking Ex-KGB with top tier paranoia, deservedly earned. I'm pretty sure Putin-Me would have a "self inflicted gunshot" to the back of the head within hours.

I would have ice cream for supper, that's for sure. If I started getting fat, I'd start taking the new weight loss shots to trim down. I'd offer everyone in the country ice cream for supper and then I'd also offer them weight loss shots if they got fat from eating ice cream.

Abdicate. And die I guess. I couldn't even navigate politics in the US, no way could I politick at a Vlad level.

What are my goals? The same as Putin?

If yes: continue attrition fighting, but defensively. The goal is to stretch out ukraine losses past the point of western support. Keep offering varying "peace deals" that solidify the capture of oil and gas resources and access to the black sea. Claim the fighting will stop once the Russian territory is liberated (the captured oblasts). In the backroom arrange to let israel to start their middle east ground war, that will distract and drain support from Ukraine. Move the conscript soldiers to the Russian side of the north eastern border with Ukraine. Negotiate to get CIS volunteers as part of the defensive home guard.

If no: pull back troops to very defensive lines across rivers. Dig in. Don't try to take any territory. Negotiate for return of some territory in exchange for crimea and total access to black sea, settle for crimea and a promise not to join NATO for 20 years.

Focus on energy export pipelines to Europe and China, try to pivot industrial base to post solar future. China is the biggest long term competitor, find a niche that is critical to Chinese interests like oil (negiotate with kz to be sole supplier)

Immediately stop the war against Ukraine and pull back to the 1990s border, then enlist international experts to improve the country and peacefully integrate with the global community

Reminds me of an 'elseworlds' Batman story from a while ago.

Bats kills R'as al Ghul but realizes that Ghul's evil empire is still operational. Batman takes the role of R'as, but sets it up so that all his top lieutenants take each other out. It takes a few years, but eventually the League of Assassins is a force for good in the world.

Something similar in Russia. Pit the worst of the worst against each other and let democracy prevail.

Oh my god, first things first, repair relations with Ukraine. Secondly end the war. Thirdly repair relations with the west.

Then begin the task of figuring out why a random white guy in Ohio suddenly became the ruler of russia.

Also, stay away from windows and tea. I imagine MANY russians would attempt to take the life of an American who's ruling their world.

But also, I'd actually make attempts to improve the health and happyness of people in russia. And increase tolerance towards gay people. It's like the 1980s over there in that regard.

Put Zangief as my right hand.

Immediately start figuring out how I can disappear. I am not cut out for the world Putin lives in.

But assuming I'm staying in the job, I find oligarchs who have been personally impacted particularly badly by western sanctions and share with them that the war has become too costly. I know I can't openly just change my mind, because too much of the apparatus below me would gut me for it and nobody on the other side would believe me. So we're orchestrating a coup against me. If you just let me fuck off, I will, and we'll set it up so that you're taking the reins off of me. Powerful figures that have legitimate grievances against the ongoing costs of the war are going to forcefully oust me and offer peace. I'll try to pick one who will actually do that. Someone who stands to profit enormously from better relations with Europe.

Wow, this is my one of my least favorite reincarnation isekai yet

Put all money into conquering pluto while trying to make it a planet again

Obviously stop the war but after that: Step one, thorough cleaning of public offices. Step two MRUSSRA hats. Step three, no profits.

Now that's a sequel to Freaky Friday I'm down for. I don't want the Putin mantle though, can the movie feature Zelenskyy and Putin waking up in each other's bodies?

(Real answer btw is the same as everyone else, we just want the war to end and Russia to be free, y'all.)

If I just magically appeared and everyone knows it was magic, I could claim to be God and get even more power.

Try and do what Trotsky wanted to do before Stalin took the reigns.

Put most of my hoarded billions $ into funding education in Russia -and funding a legitimate socialist party in America.🇺🇸

I remove the nukes.

If you havent already, I would highly recommend you watch the following video by CGP Grey:

Rules for Rulers https://youtu.be/rStL7niR7gs

It describes why its so difficult to turn a country around from authoritarian to benefiting the people. Even with magical dictatorial power.

Pull out of the wars, declare myself a constitutional monarch, then appoint a prime minister from a reasonable democratic party and then call an election every 5 years.

I do not accept the new position and therefore I leave Russia secretly, as fast as possible, and go back to my home.

After all, I want to live a little longer than Russian leaders usually do.

I think hiring more people from North Korea, increase policing for conscription avoidance and spend a lot on industrial policies to encourage arms production. Mjeh, basically what they're already doing.

Start special operations into every single nation bordering Russia at the same time and immediately board the next flight to Venezuela.

Live in exile and laugh my ass off while Russia balkanises right before I get murked by half a dozen hitmen at the same time.

I didn’t think this through. But so did Putin.

Change the name to Vacation-land for Lawyers in Love.

This is a job for Bitt3rSteel. Make it a hoi4 disaster save episode.

I think it would look something like "If I Was President" by Wyclef Jean. None of the world powers would suffer an anarchist to be in a position to make actual changes towards equity.

Initiate special prosecution to investigate all of the former leader's administrative state, changes made to law and the country's oligarch class. Maybe based on Nuremburg trials structure, likely world experts on this type of investigation/prosecution brought in from outside of the country.

Negotiate immediate ceasefire with Ukraine, establish a council to fund and return Ukrainian children to Ukraine, restore land borders to pre-Russian invasion (at least), establish restitution to rebuild cities and support the people.

Demolish all levels of media censorship and open access to all information.

Tell China and North Korea that were no longer friends and publicly announce to donald that his last resort hidey hole is now closed, unless he wants the underground hitler suite complete with loaded gun, gas can and matches.

When all this is done, or far enough along to feel like it can complete, New democratic elections held for every seat of government, including my own. In strategic waves to preserve stability.

End the war, arrest and imprison all oligarchs, declare the rebirth of the RSFSR (Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic)

Russians wouldn't know what to do with democracy if you gave it to them, there are plenty of older Russians who would be happy to go back to the way things were before 1991.

There's no trust in leadership, corruption is rife, the people know they're being lied to, they're used to it and expect it.

I'd GTFO as soon as humanly possible before I'd try and fix things and just end up making it worse.

Free healthcare

nuke it

Negotiate a peace agreement between NATO, the European Union, Ukraine and Russia, with the aim of:

• Keeping control of Crimea and small parts of the Donbas in exchange for the land Ukraine gained in their Kursk incursion. This would give Russia access to a second sea port that can be used all year round, and unlike Kaliningrad, isn't an exclave sandwiched between NATO powers.

• Negotiating the immediate release of all POWs on both sides.

• Obtaining a neutrality agreement to ensure Ukraine will not join NATO (EU or EFTA membership is fine.) Not really anything we can do about Finland or Sweden joining.

• Joint Russian and Western aid in rebuilding Ukraine.

• Lifting all economic sanctions (including those placed on Russia before 2022), travel restrictions and readmission back into the G7, Council of Europe, FIFA, IOC, etc.

Launch all the nukes for the lulz