How to find queers IRL in a very queer-phobic country?

Havingconnections is probably best/safest way. Otherwise maybe ask in subreddit of your country

Carefully, but I probably don't have to tell you that.

I hear people just go ahead and use Grindr, but there's been some stings on it in places like Saudi.

Honestly, you don't. You do whatever it takes to get out of there in the long term, and start looking for partners once you're out.

Without knowing where you live, I'm kinda scared Lemmy users will give you dangerous advice. I'd be wary of any suggestions that don't come from people in your country.

Maybe using a VPN would make it safer to search for queer discussions specific to your area. But also, you know, be wary of my suggestion! I don't know your situation.

Move to the capital city or the largest city. Find a few people online and meet more through them. Try to find social spaces where queer people gather. Doesn't have to be queer-specific, leftist spaces are usually also safe.

Get out of that country.

knowing a queer kuwaiti, russian, chinese and mexican plus my own experience in the united states have taught me that there's atleast a bi-model reality for queers everywhere.

anecdotally: the well connected; rich; and/or attractive queers usually don't see much of a problem with living a queer-phobic country, citing that they can usually find a queer friendly community in their home country without much trouble.

also anecdotally: the other queers that don't fit into the shapes i mentioned have a bad time in their home country and their existence in the western world isn't much different than anyone else there.

Kind of unfitting advice, but you might want to travel and visit places where it isn't a problem.

Either that or a lot of luck to run into someone. Or an online place, and also have the luck or running into someone there from your local area.

You leave the country. Simple as that.