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Transfem @lemmy.blahaj.zone
awesome_person @lemm.ee
• 100%

I am really, really questioning my gender

Hey! I started finding out what being trans actually means about half a year ago, and as I look into it more and more, I am realizing just how much of that stuff relates to me, or sounds like what I want to be, and I really wanna look further into it.

I was wondering what are some good resources, stories of trans people or other possible signs, that would help me answer my question.

My main issue is that I do not like my body. I always thought it was because I am fat, but now that it could be something else, I have no idea where to look and see which one it is, which is something that has really been bothering me lately. I also don't like quite a few aspects of "male" society, but again, that could just be normal.

I just want to know who I am, I wanna be able to question myself and find out things about myself I would've not found on my own

Please don't reply with "you are trans" or "you aren't trans", I want the only person that answers that question to be myself.

I'd just appreciate some help, some resources, something to read up on to find out what's wrong with me

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7 comments

  • For me, what helped initially was not to focus on whether I was trans or not, but on specific questions like whether I wanted to start HRT.

    Because when I read the list of changes it caused, none of them seemed bad, and many seemed really desirable!

    That helped reduce my dilemma from a complicated question of "identity" ("Am I trans? Am I nonbinary?" etc), to a more specific choice I could proceed with.

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  • If games are your thing, ‘What’s Your Gender?’ is a really beautifully made resource. There’s not really any mechanics, just walking and clicking interact.

    https://store.steampowered.com/app/1761630/Whats_Your_Gender/

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  • The big thing for me is that I never, ever felt gender euphoria when I was living as a man. I never felt proud of my clothes, my body, my appearance, a new haircut, nothing, I also didn't like the way I acted. Even when I was "at my best" I felt awful. I also greatly preferred the aesthetics of women and dreamed of being one. But of course it goes beyond just fashion into personality traits too. If you constantly feel like you're not comfortable in your body and your gender role, and it's been consistently that way, then you're probably trans.

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  • I found genderdysphoria.fyi to be a really helpful resource. It was my time figuring out that it was more so that I didn't understand dysphoria than that I didn't have any.

    Also, therapy with a gender affirming provider is amazingly helpful.

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  • You are right not to want answers along the lines of 'you are trans' or 'you are not trans'. You are right that you are the only person that can answer that. As a non-binary trans woman, I can tell you that 'being trans' isn't a uniform experience that can be easilly put in neatly defined boxes with easy to recognise checkboxes to tick off.

    Even if it turns out you are cisgendered, it is good that you are questioning gender. Some of what we think about as 'gender' is social expectations that are entirely toxic. And more cisgendered men should question those gender norms.

    Then you have femboys, and other cisgendered men that have a gender non conforming expression in terms of presentation, clothing, hairstyles and makeup. Expression is not identity. Of course some femboys are nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys. But most nonbinary, genderfluid, trans men, trans masc or demi boys are not femboys. Again, identity is not expression.

    Ultimately all you can do is work out what makes you happy. Does the thought of being a woman spark joy? Does the thought of being neither man or woman (agender) spark joy? Does the thought of being both man and woman spark joy? Or man and agender? Or woman and agender? Or being masc but not quite a man (demiboy)? Or the thought of being almost a woman but not quite (transfem)?

    Answering those questions won't give you a definitive answer, just a starting point for exploration. As you explore you may find your answers to those questions change as you pilot yourself and your life towards where you want to be.

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