1 wk. ago • 93%

Damn that's quite the statement

94 comments

Imagine being the guy at the novelty T-Shirt company, who takes requests.

And then THIS order comes in.....

129
- They probably make these in bulk.
  
  29
  
  ..........I honestly don't know if that's better or worse.
  
  31
- That must be a day for thought, like what is going in in that man's head?
  
  20
Imagine a world where people just wear their dating profile on the back and then someone who fancy them says "I'm down for that, where's your consent form?".

93
- Incredibly based world, if it were so easy
  
  49
  
  Sounds like bureaucracy that has gone a bit too far, lol
  
  I bet the Vogons would like it though.
  
  10
This reads like a EULA

77
- More like a warning
  
  5
The longer you read it, the more bizzarely specific and funnier it gets

71
- I wish I could read the whole thing.
  
  20
  
  I wish I could set him up on a blind date with a few people
  
  12
- the more [bizarrely] specific and funnier
  
  Maybe that's the joke? Are we all just not getting the humour? I watched The Office and kinda felt the same as I do now; maybe it's more 'cringe' humour?
  
  8
  
  That is indeed the joke
  
  4
How were they able to catch a picture of him before he got swarmed by 17 and 18 year old blondes.

66
- He probably not in Illinois, so that cuts a lot out.
  
  1
Terrifyingly specific.

63
- Hilariously specific!
  
  17
- Yeah, not sure who the ad is for, but they must've paid a lot of money for space on that dude's back.
  
  5
Someone needs to put this text into a Star Wars style opening crawl

62
- never ask me for anything ever again
  
  https://starwarsintrogenerator.com/scroller?u=ysq7d7kg
  
  (for some reason the text takes a while to come up, but it does eventually)
  
  29
  
  Just realized you couldn't copy/paste for the prompt and had to type that out...
  
  11
- And print the scrolling text on a shirt like a gif.
  
  7
Lawful evil

56
It's nice for him to be inclusive of 18! year olds. Dating can be difficult for ladies in their mid-quadrillions.

55
It's like the intro text scroll to a Star Wars movie...

52
- IT'S A TIME OF STRIFE FOR THE REPUBLIC MEANWHILE IF YOU'RE A BLONDE OF 17 OR 18 YEARS OLD, WHICH IS..
  
  38
Seeing this in the wild my first thought would be that he lost some kind of bet or has been challenged into wearing this in a crowded place.

49
- You have good first thoughts!
  
  6
4chan irl

44
- OG Craigslist M4W
  
  3
All of that text and he didn't specify what gender he's looking for.

38
- Technically, blondes implies women; if it was non-women it'd be blonds
  
  51
  
  well shit, TIL
  
  13
  
  Had no idea. Thank you for the knowledge!
  
  3
- Blond boys doing what blond boys do
  
  3
The man has a type, and that type is either 17 or 6402373705728000 years old.

36
There must be easier less public ways to declare yourself a permanent virgin.

34
- On the other hand, what better way for a parent to ensure that their precious little guy remains one? 😜
  
  8
Some shirts here honestly do not go that hard. But this shirt... this shirt goes fucking hard wow

29
- Like, fuck damn, is it possible to go harder on a shirt?
  
  4
In the future for this guy; getting shived in prison for being a pedo.

28
- But he's specifically looking for legal age girls.
  Very. specifically.
  
  39
  
  Indeed.
  
  If (and when) he keeps doing that, it's gonna get progressively more weird with him aging.
  
  4
- .
  
  1
Jesus Christ. Dude has no self awareness or taste. Just technical demands for a subjective experience.

19
- An objectively gross and fucked up 'subjective experience', though. Dude needs some serious help.
  
  3
  
  Objectively gross and fucked up? If you aren't into women, that's ok. You oughta learn the difference between objective and subjective though.
  
  0
I'll rather do:

The Country Needs You!

If you're legally blonde,

apply here.

Service grants citizenship.

Note:" Brevity is the soul of advertisement"

17
- Service grants citizenship.
  
  I expected the "Do you want to know more?" meme.
  
  4
  
  SLEEP WITH ME
  
  2
I would not hang around that guy in that shirt. Hell, just knowing he owned that shirt would make me terminate a friendship. That's fucking insane.

16
I want to be believe he lost a bet or dare. If not, I think this person would have more luck forgetting about dating and going super niche into a competitive hobby. Getting into a competitive hobby isn’t about getting laid, but about focusing your frustrations into something goal oriented and controllable. You cannot make someone like you, but you can become the god of your hobby kingdom. Maybe along the way they’ll learn social skills and graces which might help with getting laid.

Sometimes I think there should be a dating app specifically for awkward and less conventionally attractive people.

15
- My bet is he lost a bet, it's so specific especially at the end
  
  13
"sir, this is a Wendy's"

or

"my son is also named Bort"

13
Putting your physical description on your shirt 💀

12
c/libertarianshirts

11
This feels like we're making fun of someone with clear social disabilities.

I don't like it.

10
- Yeah! Someone with a social disability decided to make their very very creepy and detailed preferences plain for the world to see in exhaustive, almost parodillic detail,
  
  Or: It's a joke shirt
  
  68
  
  Counter argument: Chris Chan exists
  
  2
  
  I would argue deciding to wear this shirt publicly means the person has a mental condition that requires intervention whether sincere or not.
  
  -6
- "I want my first time to be with someone as young possible..."
  
  23
- First time I saw this online people seemed pretty convinced the dude just lost a sports bet and this is the loser's prize.
  
  22
- It's the unfortunate plight of a lot of anonymous communities.
  
  2
- Well he is saying he has aspergers
  
  1
Women if you want me you have to be hot and have big titties. I'm a youtuber so I obviously don't care about age. Just don't snitch or tell the police. I'm too pretty to go to prison and I also don't wanna get beat into submission or get killed while i'm there. Also don't bring bear spray on our first date or a gun. Please come unarmed. Trust me I won't hurt you. The last three violent crimes I committed were well deserved and I won't do it again. Bring a ballgag thank you have a good day. I want a cupcake goodbye. 🥰🧁

9
- Based <3
  
  3
The pinnacle of chivalry

9
This is just so ridiculous, it's hard for me to believe he actually believes or thinks this way. My assumption, and maybe I'm too optimistic here, is that he saw this and thought it was stupid funny and decided to buy/wear it to be immature funny/edgy...

I just can't fathom someone wearing this unironically. In which case, severe mental/cognitive issues?

8
- I'm with you, just seems like they're trying to be edgy and forgot the real world isn't a 4chan board.
  
  1
I was waiting for that line found commonly on neckbeardy requirements...must be an untouched virgin who is skilled in sexual techniques and can meet my needs and desires at any point in the day

4
It looks photoshopped.

2
Pathetic.

1
_

1

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