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sleepybisexual @beehaw.org
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I'm just tired I wish I could come out (vent)

My parents have been giving a lot of mixed signals so indon't know if I can come out or not.

On one hand they don't talk shit and don't get pissy about pride flags and stuff and actually seem supportive. On the other they are extremely religious. To the point where they get pissed when I don't want to go to church. Wish I had a clear answer. Extended family is even worse. Everyone is extremely

I don't even know why I bother. Everything has been crashing down recently. My family is probably unaccepting. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend left me. Don't know why I keep going. I'm just sick and tired

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14 comments

  • I am sorry you are struggling with this. There's nothing wrong with keeping yourself safe by not coming out, but that doesn't do anything for the feeling of being trapped.

    I'm not you, but i hope that you're able to find some space where you are able to be yourself, perhaps a friend group or an online support group?

    Being alone and feeling abandoned by a partner is such a terrible feeling. Perhaps, since it all feels spiralling anyway, asking him bluntly for clarification, if you think he's gone it'll at least give you answers maybe?

    There's not a magical set of words that will work for you, so throw away anything i have said that doesn't work. Most of all i wanted you to know people saw you and care you are in pain, even if they are just text on a screen. 💙

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    • I dont know what happened to me. At first he just started texting less and then he just sent these 3 texts

      . "I almost got or kidnapped idk sorry" "I don't feel too well " I don't want to do this anymore'

      He was pretty depressed and I don't know what happened. Idk if he just left or if he got hurt. He was everything to me. Its been a month now. I've been begging for answers. I'm worried he might have killed himself. Only reason I haven't killed myself is the hope that he would return. Now I'm not so sure. He was everything to me

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      • That's really hard, especially when it sounds like he was a lot of your life focus. I would be as worried as you, it sounds like you arent able to get any answers at the moment.

        To protect yourself, could he have ghosted you in this way to make it easier on himself? Had he ever been conflict avoidant? It's shitty, but i hear a lot of younger people, without respect to the pain they are causing, flaking out in such a manner.

        It may be important that you see if you can find some friends, someone to support you but who you're not so dependent on. It's a horrible feeling to have our stability dependent on someone else when sadly humans can be such flawed and weak creatures.

        It's so important you find something inside yourself for you. I have been depressed a long time, (not nearly been put in the situation you have been with a partner) and for me i settled on a weird philosophy that i didn't choose my birth, but (i am not religious or spiritual) if i go too soon, ill never have a chance to know or experience anything when i die. For me ive settled on leaving when it happens, and trying to get through each day one day at a time.

        It's unlikely that'll work for you, too, cause it's such a personal thing to figure out. Im guessing your parents wouldn't get you a therapist just for you to talk shit out?

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  • My suggestion is don't unless you are ready to live by yourself. There is very little upside and a lot of downsides. Not sure how old are you but using university as an excuse to move out is something you might consider.

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  • I'm worried for your mental welbeing. You are here. You are still seeking connection. That's good. But your surroundings and the people you count on are not the best, probably not even good enough.

    You will benefit from having more perspective and from finding out what your specific needs are. The goal is to focus on yourself. Perspective is learning about the experience of other people and try to apply that to your life. Finding out your needs helps to understand what makes you move and the direction you go.

    For example: You say the person that left you was your world. I believe you. The world may seem very large, but our reach might be very short, even limited to our own selves. What does that person have that fulfill you? How can you get that without them?

    I don't know you, so I don't have the right words. Like the others here, I wish you well and hope you can get to a tomorrow in which you are happy.

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    • I don't know what is was about him but with him I was happy, I was fulfilled. I felt safe with him. No matter his bad things got we were happy together. I loved him

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  • I don't know how tolerant your parents actually are, but I would advise caution here. You're still a dependent on them and they could potentially try to (in worse case) kick you out of the home or (less worse case but still bad) force you to go to some conversion therapy where they try to make you straight, which is ridiculous and harmful.

    As a dependent, they also hold all of the financial levers. They could withhold support if you want to go to college. They could not help you get a car. They could try to coerce you in other ways (my house, my rules).

    As much as it pains me to say it, it is best to stay in the closet for a few years until you are financially self-sufficient, whether that is through a job of your own or through a scholarship to college.

    For your relationship with your boyfriend, I can't add much more to the advice others here have given, but it's ok to recognize the sucky feeling. It'll get better with time regardless of the ultimate outcome.

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    • How will things get better? He was all I had left. Now all my problems are so much worse. I don't know why I keep on living

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      • People can let you down sometimes. But don't see it as a reflection of you or your own self-worth. There are other men (and women, enbies etc) that you can be friends and more, just need to be yourself is all.

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