i don't understand half of these either

Donald Trump declares peace in the Middle East, despite ongoing Israel attacks
Steven Seagal stars in patriotic Russian film as personal favour to Putin
FCC attempts to shut down MSNBC on grounds of unpatriotic reporting
Another ship gets stuck in the Suez Canal.
European countries start national stockpiling of olive oil.

87

European countries start national stockpiling of olive oil.

The average european already does that.

40
- I do that😔
  
  12

I am interested in the rare slime. Where do I subscribe to rare slime facts?

43

You can captivate a nation by giving them a rare slime

10
It's starting already...

9

Chapelle Roan gets shot on stage, the bullet bounces off her armor and hits Donald Trump. He dies but gets resuscitated.

26

It misses but he pretends to die poorly, and stands backup proclaiming god sent him back. Whitehouse merch sales skyrocket.

17
does getting your armor dented count as a wardrobe malfunction? this could be a two for one

6
- That was the point of my joke. I mean, if after getting hit, the straps failed and the chestplate fell down, it would be a malfunction.
  
  5
He shits himself and his supporters drop all remaining pretense and declare him the literal Messiah.

2

Mpox and Bird Flu go big and a giant sign appears in the sky, "The planet's anti parasite medications will continue until fever symptoms subside."

25

Bill Gates will work with FEMA to engineer a brain worm that is more effective than vaccines. There will be an “anti-worm” movement where soccer moms buy Russian vaccines on the dark web with dogecoin.

8
Gave humanity the ole switcheroo

3

The queerbaiting one is already a half point and it's still not 2025 yet.

24

Yeah that is CRAZYYY

5

16

Is this English

16

Had the same reaction, but I quickly realised I'm happy about my ignorance here. My gut reaction is that it's extremely US-centric and stuff you'd need to be an always online, mainly MSM, kind of person. Nooooope, thank you.

9
- you're on lemmy.
  
  that's not a diss. it's just that I'm the only person i know, who even knows lemmy exists. you kinda have to be online a lot to know about it lol
  
  3

The rare slime thing already happened tho. It’s called “That one time I got reincarnated as a slime”

16

That was my first thought. My second was that somehow people became interested in the unique behavior of slime molds.

6
He's not a bad slime you know

4

What's wrong with snapbacks?

13

Nothing, they're coming back.

17
13
- You mean they snap you back in
  
  5
This lead me down a rabbit hole watching a 10 minute video on the rise and fall and rise again of snapbacks.

https://youtu.be/VH7b54eunig

2
Is a snapback the same as a clapback or is there some nuanced difference here?

2
- A snapback is a style of baseball cap.
  
  3

Trump dies but comes back to life

Technically this could happen if he's put on cardiac bypass for heart surgery.

13

If he does die, do you think the establishment would tell anyone? They'd AI his looks, speech and Twitter posts and claim he's done appearances on TV for years.

1
- This comment makes qanon sound smart
  
  6
- The real question is why the deep state haven't activated his 5G nanites from his vaccine.
  
  Probably because 9/11 stopped them. (
  
  4

What is a queerbaiting arc?

11

Queerbaiting: Pretending or hinting that you may be LGBT+, in order to trick people into liking you more, or to pay more attention to you or your work. Sometimes this is a way to try to get LGBT+ fans, sometimes it's trying to get straight people who think LGBT+ people/acts are sexy.

Arc, as in story arc of a tv show or book series: So, it's for a set period of time, and then they move on, not really acknowledging again.

Pop acts have done this a lot.

12
- Isn't that just marketing?
  
  3
Well Billie Eilish and Chapell Roan have been releasing songs about cunnilingus and heavy petting lately that have been ok in specific circles which keeps them employed so in order to get in on that and also hopefully capture so more name recognition Arianna Grande will put in a show of being queer and then act upset about backlash but then rise above it to state that it doesn't matter making a big song about their bold new life choice, and then drop it after snapbacks come back without really ever talking about it ever again.

10
- We shall see
  
  2
No, no, it's queerbating. She's obviously going to open up to hawk girl on the view about what she flicks the bean towards, and then market the 'slime' to all the insane people...

and the video promoting it prominently displays her wrists with snapbacks on them.

I think I hate myself for this mental image.

8
- Ohh, here I was thinking that was a typo. Thank you for clarifying
  
  3

Rare slime captivates nation

trump already won tho didnt he ?

11

Unfortunately, that sort of slime is pretty common.

2

My wishful thinking. Tierra Whack blows up. Her music is fire and one of the most original artists out there right now. Philly represent!

11

Wow, I’ve never met another Tierra Whack fan in the wild!

4
- We out here wildin my friend.
  
  Fav song?
  
  Mine is Fruit Salad.
  
  edit - I just heard her song Black Magic Woman. This work is fucked that is bussin
  
  Edit edit - now on Meghan Good.
  
  I'm in 3035 and you're all in 2024.
  
  I'm high AF.
  
  4
- y'all just made a new one
  
  2

Are snapbacks out? Damn.

9

One of the first times I remember feeling old was when I heard people saying snapback instead of (baseball) cap. Things just kept skibiding from there

13

Why do I feel like this will 100% be accurate

6

Ofc the writers would make a hell of a twist for the 2024 season end, and then phone it in for season 2025. SMDH

5

Interesting. What planet is this about?

4

Didnt Ariana Grande write a song about being in love with another woman? That’s a bit past queerbaiting, isn’t it?

2

And have you seen her appearances with Cynthia Erivo?

1
- No, other than what I hear in their music, I don’t pay attention to celebrities. I just happen to have a couple of her songs in my playlists.
  
  1

Does The View still exist?

2

That is one sus typo on queerbating. Or maybe just hedging your bets to get a point either way.

2

Depending on how you spell it, I think the arc already began.

1

To anyone with questions:

Chappell Roan is a famous pop star. The Grammys are a music awards show. Chappell Roan is an advocate for women and LGBT rights.
Trump refused to accept his loss in 2016. One might suggest that he's refuse to accept he died
Snapbacks are a type of hat that were popular in the 90s and are not currently cool
Ariana Grande is a famous pop star. Queerbaiting is dropping hints that you're gay (whether you are or not) to draw in more fans.
Hawk Tuah girl is the girl from the viral video that I would be shocked you weren't at least aware of. She already started a podcast to cash in on the 15 minutes of fame.
Rihanna is a famous pop star who hasn't released an album in awhile
Travis and Jason Kelce are NFL players. Travis is dating Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is a famous pop star. They are wealthy.
Pretty sure "Rare Slime" is just a joke
Minecraft is a video game. A Minecraft Movie is coming out with mixed reception
Bethenny Frankel is the CEO of Skinnygirl and a popular TikTok influencer

To the people who think they look cool by pretending they don't get this list: Wow it's so cool that you live under a rock! I don't follow pop culture that closely but the only one I had to google was Bethenny Frankel so I don't believe you're that confused

2

1 - its dumb so not getting is fine

2 - Even after you have explained it, I still dont get it

3 - there was fitted or adjustable. I was born in the 1970's and have never heard the term snapbacks referring to adjustable fit hats. I think this snapbacks just became a thing because velcro became the popular adjustable baseball hat thing

4 - never heard of queerbating and I have plenty of gay friends

5 - I only understood it after googling hawk tuah girl, but that was a one day fad and I will probably forget it again after today

6 - I couldn't point out a Rihanna song and have a 50/50 chance of pointing her out if you gave me a picture of her and someone other pop star her age that I don't know

7 - I got this but only because I watch NFL every so often (SEAHAWKS!!!)

8 - I thought it was a gray goo joke about the end of the world

9 - Kids will fucking love the Minecraft movie no matter what the reviews are. Kids are idiots

10 - I still don't get it. And now that you explained it, I bet she is a Trumper?

So I got a couple out of 10

To the people who think they look cool by pretending they don’t get this list: Wow it’s so cool that you live under a rock!

don't be a dick

5
- Oh hell yeah. The baseball hat with snap straps suuuuuucked and I hated that hard plastic. Cloth straps with Velcro are so much nicer.
  
  5
- Thank you for clarifying “snapbacks”. I got everything else on the list but never heard this term before and I was around back then.
  
  3
- Don't read too much into it, there isn't much of a reason behind most of these predictions
  
  They're just hats with snaps and with all fashion trends, it's very uncool to wear them after they're out of style...until it's ironically cool
  
  That's fine. She hasn't been in the news much the past few years which I think is the root of the joke
  
  Could be!
  
  The negative reactions are from the adults expecting a kids movie to cater to them. Those fans are mentally unwell
  
  No idea. I vaguely recognized the name but I'm not sure what her web presence is like
  
  don't be a dick
  
  You're in the first category I described, not the second. I was referring to the other edgelord comments saying this is brain rot or questioning if it's written in English when these aren't terminally online deep cuts...they're mostly surface level pop culture.
  
  0
Pretty sure “Rare Slime” is just a joke

Go to youtube and search for "slime recipes". It's a thing that you make for/with kids.

Also there's a fairly popular anime/manga/light novel series: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/That_Time_I_Got_Reincarnated_as_a_Slime

3
O-OP didn't write -baiting as in luring: O-OP wrote -bating as in onanism.

It doesn't make any more sense as gratuitously made-up words go - so fetch - but I wanted to be clear on which made-up word OP was writing.

(Unless we assume O-OP didn't proof what he wrote and also OP still reprinted it instead of waiting for the correct version)

3
- I can't know what they really meant but between "misspelled slang" and "clever play on words that I just don't understand," I'm heavily inclined to assume the former since this is just a silly list they made
  
  1
- Fetch isn't going to happen
  
  1
The Bethenny Frankel one was the only ones I didn't get, and I'm old, so yeah.

2

im going to do this myself and won't forget vance dying

1

Me neither but I'm ok with that, not really worth trying since there's enough understandable stuff around.

1