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65My parents did this all the time when I was growing up. They weren't "talking shit," but instead were saying things like, "he won't stick with Tae Kwon Do" or "he won't finish that model he wasted his allowance on." Things like that. I gotta tell you, it fucked me up pretty bad. There were a lot of things that I gave up on because I figured "who cares?" I ended up becoming a massive introvert and learning to keep things to myself just so I wouldn't possibly disappoint them. I'm better now, but it's taken a long time of self evaluation and learning to find worth in things that I do just for myself.
105I want to believe.
16The truth is out there.
8
I only had to listen to my parents verbally fight together for hours every single day/evening for about 3-4 years when I was a kid. That fucked me up pretty bad too and I'm so afraid of and anxious nowadays with my girlfriend and avoid all conflicts if I can and just pull me into myself when there are issues.
46I don't have the same background for it, but currently doing the exact same thing. Tiptoeing around eggshells to avoid conflict of any sort, retreating and agreeing at the slightest sign of friction. Recently started seeing a therapist that made me aware of how incredibly toxic and self-destructive this is. We both gotta be better, take care of yourself man.
15Yo, my wife struggles with this. Because I had the same issue with my parents fighting and now any time there's a conflict I either shut down or fucking panic. She'll get frustrated and literally just need some time and I'll go in to survival mode, and generally make things worse. We've been together long enough to learn how to cope with that but it was pretty hairy for a little bit.
Bro, get some therapy for that shit. Don't let it set a coarse for your relationship.
6Luckily I have the sweetest girlfriend who does not judge me or say bad things to me ever. We both have had our issues in the past and now we support eachother and it's really nice. She now knows how I react and understands why and gives me some space. That have actually made me come out of my shell a bit and significantly reduced the anxiety whenever there's a small disagreement. I've slowly learned that disagreement does not equal fighting, but can actually lead to interesting talks about what and why each of us like different things. I can still flinch inside a bit whenever there's a small disagreement, but have slowly learned to talk about it instead of just locking it up. It has taken years however.
3
Talk about delimiting both ends of your subclauses. #americanGhostComma.
20believe in your kids.
16Plot twist: They create a spoiled child who never learned how to deal with the sting of disappointment and thus seldomly learn from their mistakes...
14I realize you're making a funny but I wanted to point out just in case anyone took this comment seriously, this is not how any of this works. Being positive about your child's accomplishments doesn't spoil them. It's setting them up for false expectations that does it.
32Yea, that's why it requires the plot twist. Though cheering on non-accomplishment like mid performances or roles like trees, is a good way to set the false expectation of receiving praise for effort instead of accomplishment.
Though that lesson can be good or bad depending on what they learn about effort. If they think all effort deserves praise, that's bad.
-9
Every day more and more child development research shows that one of the worst things we can do to our children is discourage them when it comes to participation. Even in jest these sentiments only perpetuate harmful childrearing.
13Mine was a joke emphasizing the other extreme and getting the unexpected. If you take a joke response to a joke seriously, it is not my problem.
Furthermore, the joke is only really a joke if the result is unexpected. You are ironically implying a spoiled child is a reasonably possible outcome when you act so offended over the mere implication.
-6
Maybe they were just worried and in their own weird way it came from a place of love. I don't know, but as my own failures pile up I just hope my kids know I'm trying.
5Palistinians support Hamas.
-3What is this worlder saying?
2
Entitled, self-serving and "nose up", piece of shit person growing up in 3,2...
-13Who hurt you?
7Nobody, the OP seems like recipe for disaster, things needs their balance. We can't just roll around and say that all kids are amazing, great, perfect and their accomplishments are the best thing in the world all the time. If we do that we end up with a society of dull, inept. unable to collaborate, deal with hardship people.
I'm not saying you should psychologically obliterate children, I'm just saying they also need to be given bad feedback in honest ways and learn that the world isn't all pink and participation medals.
This image says it all:
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