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How many people are only still alive because they don't want their suicide hurting others as much as they hurt every day?

The older I get the more clear basically every facet of our society is to exploit us and fill us with propaganda.

The first thing that comes to mind when I wake up is how much I just hate being surround by this species that seems to want nothing more than to destroy itself.

Everything is a fucking joke and I'm fucking tired of everyone but I have a daughter.

I'm absolutely miserable and disgusted by basically everyone but I don't have the luxury of being able to quit. I just long for death.

40 comments
  • I'm only alive because of my friend. She means everything to me and is the only one that fully believes me.

    edit: forgot to mention, but yeah, she would be devastated if I killed myself, which is why I don't.

  • Shortly after entering adulthood, I lost a close friend. He was still in college at the time, a talented, friendly, bright light snuffed far too early. He was well loved and his funeral was so packed that it was standing room only. One attendee described it as "the most depressing class reunion ever."

    His loss has never left me.

    Right before I got the phone call telling me the news, I had been feeling extremely down about myself. I was crossing my work parking lot (which I had to do regularly as part of my job) without looking up for moving cars, thinking that if I got hit, it wouldn't have mattered.

    But that same day, my phone rang. It was a mutual friend, and through obvious tears and a quavering voice, she told me, "John is dead!"

    With that, everything changed.

    I'll never forget how much it hurt to lose somebody so important to me. The idea of purposely putting my friends through that has kept me going more times than I can count. I have to remind myself, even in my darkest, most self-hating moments, that I'm more important to others than I realize. I can't imagine John would have known just how much of an impact he had made on others, but I saw the proof. I felt the pain. I love my friends and family too much to entertain the thought of making them attend my funeral. And so I push on, but with one change:

    I now make a point to explicitly tell my friends how much they matter to me.

  • I actually seriously considered that thought for the first time the other day. Turns out hurting my family is a pretty good motivator to not off myself. It's a double edged sword though because I also don't do other things I want because I don't want to hurt them or face their condemnation.

  • I felt that way for a while, then I found out those people didn’t care about me as much as I thought. I’ve been holding on to my anger at that to keep me going for a year now. I dunno what’ll happen once that burns out.

  • Didnt wanr to hurt my grandma. The only person that cares about me. Now i life to spite my blood family

  • Been there, all depressed because of current state of the world, and learning that the "solutions" or "ways out" by the media are false or just delaying the inevitable/distractions, and judging from your comments you might be feeling the same thing.

    However, if you do that, not only would your daughter suffer but the world would also lose someone truly radical in today's society, someone who would truly sees past the ideology and propaganda we're subjected to. If everyone like that were to off themselves or start heavily abusing substances as a tool of escapism, the world would never change and people with a future ahead of them like your daughter would be doomed for certain.

    It's important to cling onto hope - a better world is possible and you can be a part of building it, both individually but more importantly, collectively. Drop subtle hints in your conversations about what you think is wrong nowadays, who the real enemies you see are, plant the seeds in your colleagues and hope they'll come to the same conclusions by themselves. If you see any resistance organizations aligned with your views politically, why not join them - after all, you're not alone. Point is - there is still hope for change.

    Though if it works and it does make you feel better, you can also start focusing on positive/good news, even though I'm skeptical it would work, pandora's box and all. Maybe even seek counseling or therapy if you have access to it.

  • I enjoy life. But I am very aware that if I die, it all just stops.

    If not for the pain I'd cause my loved ones, I wouldn't mind dropping dead tomorrow. As long as it's instant and painless. Like turning off a pc. When it's off, it's over. Easypeasy. No more stress, hunger, love, joy, nothing. Doesn't sound horrible to me.

    Suicide though? No way. There's too much good to actively keep living for.

  • I have told the few people I trust enough that the only reason I'm still here is because I know it would hurt them if I left.

    I stopped caring way before covid. It's just gotten worse since.

40 comments