Check on your male friends to see if they need help

"Men are victims of the patriarchy too" is an incredibly powerful message that I wish more men understood.

People always seem shocked when I'm offended by terms like "I hate men".

Like it's somehow wrong of me to be offended by blatant misandry because I should just "know what they mean". I'm one of "the good ones, they don't mean me when they say it". Horseshit.

The second poster’s story so clearly shows why a man’s partner being their only emotional support is devastating to both people in the relationship, yet this idea is still so insidiously pervasive in our society. No one wins.

I remember something similar to this when my mom died 15 years ago. Lots of aunt's and friends reaching out to my sister to support her, traveling across the country to visit. I don't think I ever even got a note.

But I do have the thing where I probably wouldn't have cared either, if not for watching the support my sister got, it never would have occurred to me someone could do those things. And I know those people aren't my actual friends, so I really had zero expectations from them. I think it was more the insult on top of injury that bothered me. "Not only do we not care, but we're going to show you what we would be doing if we did care."

I never took this as a boy/girl thing though. I never fit in in life, still to this day. Just sorta expected.

How did "grieve different" become don't grieve at all? I'd be willing to bet that if men started grieving exactly like women, they still wouldn't get the support they need.

I thought men were supposed to suffer in silence then die early from stress and chemical numbing?

Edit: Funny this popped up in lemmy today https://lemmy.world/post/8222670

I just watched Netflix anime 'Blue Eye Samurai.' Highly recommended. There's a scene where a princess is talking to the madam of a notorious bordello that specializes in the unusual. The madam goes on and on about how weak and fragile men are, how they need their egos massaged and need to feel supported.

After reading the post, I realized that this is a pretty common trope in fiction; sex workers talking about how most of their clients are only there because they need something that their jobs/families/communities deny them.

Just a thought.

I am seeing a lot of pushback--presumably from feminists--towards men that are expressing their experiences.

Guys it's okay to cry.

It's ok to have emotions.

It's ok to not be ok.

...But that has not been my experience.

Should it be? Yes, absolutely. But is it now? No. And unfortunately, in my experience, the women that are saying such things--almost always self-identifying feminists--are also often then ones that are unaccepting of any display of emotion in men that aren't coming from a place of strength. Men are e.g., expected to shrug off grief and depression and go back to work the day after a funeral. I shan't be too specific for risk of doxxing myself, but I've noted that I'm expected to muscle through physical pain and mental exhaustion, while none of my partners--either current or former--will hold themselves to the same standard that I am held to by them.

I cynically think that many self-identifying feminists don't want to abolish patriarchy, they just want to be able to benefit from it the same way that men do, without paying any of the costs for that benefit that men shoulder.

Ah, fuck it. We’re supposed to suffer in silence. We’re men. Man up, guys! Grit your teeth and bear it! (/s)

No one checks on me and that’s fine. I don’t really need people to check on me like I’m fragile. I fight my own battles; always have, always will. But for those who do need the more frequent check-ins, they should absolutely have them and should be able to ask for them without fear of ridicule or mockery.

The fact that, statistically speaking, no one cares about lonely folk is pretty discouraging, but you can’t force people to care. And even if you could, it wouldn’t be worthwhile or heartfelt. I sure as hell don’t want people to feel like they have to give a shit.

Stay strong, gents. It’s not weak to ask for help if you need it, even from internet strangers.

Yesterday I had a comment from a woman friend along the line of "my daughter says you're always serious but nice. You should work on that". She didn't think of asking me why I am always serious...

International Men's Day -- 19th of November.

https://internationalmensday.com/

Talk to each other. Don't let someone go through their life alone.

Gotta love that even the very emotional "men have feelings and need support too" post ends with "treat them as wretched because they are wretched." Absolutely fucking tonedeaf to bring that type of negativity and derogatory generalization about men to this context. Big "not all men, but..." energy

As a military veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan, this shit hits home. I've seen men break down and men who push it down until it is safe to let the feelings come out. Both are common, but for men you have to be able to keep the emotions in during a crisis situation. The men and women who are unable to do that pose risks of sudden suicide or uncontrollable behavior. Everyone has to let them out, that is extremely important.

I guess I'm just lucky that I have great friends and family. When my wife and I separated last year, my friends and family were constantly checking up on me. After I went to detox and got sober from alcohol, my friends and family were and still are checking up on me often, even though life is good and I have my wife back. It really is amazing, and I'm very thankful.

Friends?

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I used to be all feminism when I was younger. Now I have two kids, I realized man do a sht ton of things without being recognized. It's always that "you are the man, you are supposed to do it" kind of thing. But when it's the other way around like when I asked the ladies what about their "women duties", it's all excuse and argument. It can suck balls being a responsible man.

I am trans, mtf...

Being a woman is easier and this is why

Men have it really hard. So hard, in fact, that people are increasingly turning towards the manosphere.

Rather than taking the terminally online Reddit mod approach of ostracizing MRA's, incels, MGTOW, red pillers, etc, we should be asking ourselves why people increasingly turn to these movements.

Andrew Tate is a symptom, not a cause of our societal ills, and that is hugely concerning. A deeply misogynistic sex trafficker should not be the role model that today's youth look up to.

There's. Ricky Gervais show called Derrick, every time I feel I need to just bawl my eyes out I binge that show, it hits you right in the emotions but in a way that makes you feel good.

I highly suggest anyone who feels like they're nothing or can't contribute to society or just anyone who enjoys a feel good mockumentary to give that show a burl

I wish my dad would reach out and talk with someone about issues. My sister died last year and he decided he didn't want to talk to his good friend about it because his friend still has two daughters and won't know what it is like.

He doesn't have anyone to talk to except for me and my mom, he won't do therapy to get through his guilt of surviving cancer while she didn't survive it which if he went to therapy he would realize is ridiculous to have because they were different cancers.

My mom at least is going through therapy which is helping her get through the loss.

I've got two trans guy friends and I often check in with them on my discord server to make sure they're doing okay. Unfortunately we have one person who is the total opposite of the rest of us. I mean the "the trans idea is pushed by big medicine" type. Other than their views, they get along well in the server and i accommodate everyone there. If one of the two trans guys wish for the other person to be blocked from their channel, I do that, so they have a place they can talk without being looked down upon.

I agree people should support men more, but like this post being here, reddit, and tumblr is stupid. Here, reddit, and tumblr are the exact places creating hostile unfavorable environments where it's ok to hate men. Almost all of the man-bashing and non-caring for my well-being I've ever experienced comes from sites like these, and the kind of people who use sites like these when it's IRL stuff. It's a problem of "the patriarchy" It's a problem from YOU, yes exactly YOU reading and upvoting this post right now. If you are concerned about the well-being of men, stop actively being a problem towards the well-being of men.

Love this. 🫂

Got 2 similar situations here these days, very hard times for my cousin. Try to be there as much as I can & unconditionally, of course. Hope it helps a little bit. On the other side of the spectrum: my father is slowly dying and the male part of his (numerous) new family is completely oblivious about talking about it or doing something different than "supporting the emotional women". That contrast is baffling. Guess what part lives out in the country and what part is more "city folks"...

I see that there's a lot of pushback from people that are presumably feminists towards men that are expressing their experiences.

In my experience, no, it's not okay for men to cry. It's not okay for men to express any emotion.

https://deek.chat/

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"Patriarchy"

Women don't care about men. "It's the men that are in the wrong"

Had me until the last point. Maybe women need to change their behaviours? Maybe they are responsible for themselves and not controlled by men 24/7?

well, you learn to cope with that eventually. the man is the strong one, the woman is the sentimental one, no matter what equality people want.