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Greentext @sh.itjust.works

Track_Shovel @slrpnk.net

2w ago

Anon ups his fibre intake

98 comments

What the fuck even has fiber? Like, I consider myself healthier than I was as a teen, less boxed shit and more chicken, stir fry is pretty good, corn, green beans, carrots, sometimes potato dishes.
But still my stomach is hit or miss with regularity

Oh gods Thank you for this I haven't laughed this hard in a while!
- You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.
  
  And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆
  
  Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂
- I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext.....holy shit. I'm in tears laughing. Thanks!

Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.
Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon
- Don't forget plenty of water.
  
  plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.
  
  Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.
- That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.
  
  The fact that bananas and avocado are being listed separate to "berries“ disproportionately angers me.

Bro forgot to drink more water too
- you don't necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water
  
  You know you're just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?
  
  Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn't.
  People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn't scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you'll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.
  
  Water based cooking wins again.

I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭
- What story is that?
  
  Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.
  I think this is the most famous.
  They have apparently changed the recipe since then.
  
  Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.
  
  Search for "Sugar free gummy bears review". There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy
  
  The story of peanutbitter
- Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.
  
  The .... What?
- Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.
  
  This isn't real, you're just baiting because it's lemmy... Right? ....Right?

Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.
If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.
- If you don't poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at
  Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There's no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.
  
  You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.
- I read somewhere that there are actually two types of fiber, and they have different effects, but most food is only ever labelled "fiber" so idk.
  
  Soluble vs. insoluble. But also fermenting vs. non-fermenting for both types. Psyllium husk powder is non-fermenting soluble fiber. Not drinking enough water with soluble fiber gives hard stools. But soluble fiber is "the good kind". That super popular doctor recommended fiber-by-the-spoon is psyllium powder, all dressed up.
- also weirdly significantly increasing your fiber intake in a short time (going from 0 to 30g - 100% RDI - of psyllium husk for example) can actually cause diarrhoea

'my guts are yelling in German' lmao
- Gondor calls for aid
  
  These two lines caused a laughter which almost depleted my oxygen.
- Moose in heat living in my belly.

This is one of my favorite greentexts ever

Fake: anon tried to lose weight
Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiber
- you can add two spaces at the end of a line to cause a new-line
  like this:
  <space>
  <space>
  
  here starts a new line
  
  I seem to have forgot to do that.

What the Shakespearean green text is this..

Had a similar experience when I ate fiber cereal as a kid, it was only one day of constipation though. I remember thinking I hadn't pooped and that was weird, I woke up the next day, brushed my teeth and as I walked out of the bathroom I felt something DROP and went "OH GOD!" and ran back in and barely made it to the toilet. I was late for school that day.

Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I've been backed up by its overabundance and I've been backed up by its absence.
- and if you go from 0 to 100% RDI instantly you get constant diarrhoea
  fibre really covers the full spectrum of brown shades

this was a glorious greentext to behold

I literally have to take metamucil daily to not shit liquid multiple times daily. It is baaaaad. But when my stomach has been super irritated for a while because I haven't been keeping up with it that first properly fibered shit feels like a kitchen sponge running all the way through me. I feel so clean afterwards. I'm convinced it's the only real "cleanse."

How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.

Well some weight was lost, at least

This was the funniest story I have ever had
- Funniest story so far!

DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!

Nearly shat myself laughing

@sh.itjust.works Yes it does, whether you want it to or not

Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.

Had a similar, but multiple factors smaller situation when I ate a bunch of celery and cheez whiz for a 'snack'. Felt like I was shitting out a two by four.

98 comments