The Best Uniform in All of Trek

28 comments

That has nothing on Riker’s single nipple ensemble:

The mustache is mandatory.
- Yes, but prominent nipples are also required.
  
  It was a cold day in space.

proper turtle neck tie
could be better. a proper very experienced machinist could do it in metal...
- Ok, I'm not sure if you read my bio - but I am a proper experienced machinist. 20+ years - fuck my life. This would be excruciatingly hard. First off, that coloring would need to be either oxidized bronze or brass. You'd need to then machine perfect hexagons (the bestagons) and both of those are very sensitive to work with.
  I'd need to CNC out all of the patterns first (depending on what the customer wanted, brass or copper) and then make tiny links out of the same material. This would cost tens of thousands to make out of metal. I'm not kidding here - for me to do this off the top of my head, I'm thinking $40k. And that is only because the designs have to be precise and I personally will not do marginal work when it comes to Trek.
  And ontop of all that, you need someone that can do real, serious work on the clothing. This is, again, assuming the pieces are metal. This would be so crazy expensive that no one that is a professional will take on the job
  
  Honestly, just stamp out hexagons out of whatever sheet you have laying around, apply paint/lacquer or best yet, engrave a pattern. Pin it on a fabric backing, and presto.
  No, it won't drape, or be comfy, but it'll be cheap and sort-of pretty. Actually, it would probably stab you in the neck several times during the 30 seconds you wear it...
  
  Perfect hexagons are not to spec. Notice how each hexagon is different yet they all fit together. That gives it an organic look. Makes it far more difficult to machine since now you can’t just machine a single piece of round stock into a long hexagon and then cut them off into pieces with the right thickness.
  If they were perfect hexagons it would be easy. Just need a big enough piece of stock.
  
  Hey! you might be interested to learn there is an entire type of embroidery that uses precious metal pieces called Goldwork.
  spools of precious metals that have been wound into very tight springs are used as embroidery or cut into small pieces and sewn on to make beautiful complex patterns.
  and garments made this way even take on a different appearance as they oxidize over time!
  no need for machining parts! just time, patience and a decent thimble.
  
  Hired, you start tomorrow. Yes I know. And your previous ghola may have had a conversation with me once about machining questions or something in that vain that I vaguely recall. I worked in two machine shops for a short time and still have small desktop aspirations here and there for jeweler's scale or maybe something like a gingery lathe.
  
  Hexagons are the bestagons.
  I think this would only be comfortable and lay nicely if the bestagons are slightly curved, and I wonder if a topologist might answer how that would affect the tiling.
  A curve on one axis seems manageable, but unless you're making pauldrons, you're going to have octagons that bend in two directions at the shoulder. Making those tile correctly seems as if it might be challenging.
- He wore the dickie on the outside