Has anyone else always been the "crazy one" for their whole life? How have you been able to deal with this? Both mentally and your actions in the real world.

I hear you. Emotional dysregulation is hard and children in abusive homes often struggle with it. It can effect how we see the world and how people see us. Best thing you can do is take ownership and start working on it with counselling.

I don’t have much wisdom to provide. I’ve felt like something was wrong with me for a number of years now. I would experience things differently, or at least that is what I was told, than reality. Things like being slighted by friends, being excluded, being left behind. They tell me it’s all in my head, but even today, I’m not so sure.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar 2 a few years ago, after an involuntary stay at an inpatient facility. For the years leading up to the diagnosis, doctors just kept proscribing random antidepressants in increasing dosages that did not help. With one doctor, it got to the point where they were suggesting that ECT might be what I needed.

The Bipolar 2 diagnosis helped make sense of many of the symptoms that I have. While things have improved, they have not really gotten better. I’m lucky that I have my son, who lives with me. Without him, I’d be alone. The few friends I have live an hours drive away, and I am not close with them anymore. We rarely speak. I’ve pushed plenty of people away.

I can’t help but feel that I am the problem.

My son and I went to Pride yesterday, and I held back tears a few times, seeing groups of friends celebrating. I don’t know what that’s like, not anymore.

Yeah, I feel like the “crazy” person in almost any situation I am in.

I was old enough to "know better".

This really grind my gears. Children aren't crazy. Even if a child is old enough to know better, you clearly weren't old enough to know how to DO better.

This is something that has to be taught, and you can't teach every child the same way. Siblings have different needs and different challenges from each other, you can point to what works for one sibling and blame the other child because the same method doesn't work for them. It's tye adults job to figure out how to train and teach each child in a a way that they can grasp. Set easy challenges and guide them to succeed each one. Set them up for success, not demand the impossible.

Now as an adult, this is something you have to teach yourself and your inner child, since the previous adults in your life didn't manage to do so.

If you want a diagnosis and think it could help, ask about ADHD and borderline and other personality disorders. And if you have researched thoroughly (not just social media) and feel like a diagnosis fits you even when a doctor has written it off, get a second opinion. Doctors make mistakes, especially with adult patients who may present atypically and have therefore gone undiagnosed their whole life.

Regardless of a diagnosis, this is your responsibility to manage. You can look into different therapies even without a diagnosis; anger management and DBT springs to mind. Practice mindfulness/meditation every day, work out at least three days a week. Pay attention to your emotional state, remove yourself from situations before you explode. Talk to people after to explain why you removed yourself and to clear the air and be honest about your feelings and about what you felt was unfair. Try to be open to their side and accept a little unfairness even if people are trying their best, because life is unfair and it probably evens out in the end.

Figure out if certain situations/stimulations make you more easily irritated (for me it's eating poorly, lack of water, having socks, watch, and bra on for too long, and hair in my face or in too tight ponytail, or being uncomfortably warm for no reason like not while exercising or outside in summer or by a fire, generally in the evening, or drinking with certain people).

Figure out what you need to reset after becoming overstimulated by such irritants (for me it's depending on what I can do and what type of overstimulated I am, but around 10 minutes in a quiet room with my eyes closed, laying down with legs raised on a pillow or against a wall, or running/hastily walking up and down a set of stairs for a few minutes, or wiping my face+neck+chest+arms with cold water on a towel, or digging my fingers straight into the earth and looking at the bugs and mosses and plants living there and getting dirt under my nails).

Write stuff, in general. Keep a notepad nearby and write down what you want to say and how you want to respond (what would be your ideal response, not your emotional reaction) when something triggers you, so you know you have options and can bring it up later when you've calmed down. Then do bring it up again. Don't be afraid of conflict when you are calm, that way your rage becomes your only outlet for conflict handling. If you practice standing up for yourself and other in a mature way, you don't need the emotional state to "defend" you.

I dunno, there are as many tools and methods as there are people. By figuring yourself out you can figure out whatever works for you. It's trial and error. A therapist can help with suggestions if you get stuck, and working more structured towards your goals, but you need to do the work and the figuring out and the trialing, and you can start doing it today on your own.

I have struggled hard with this throughout my whole life — and probably always will to an extent lol. But what has brought the most meaningful change for me has been learning to accept my challenging emotions as part of who I am.

It surprised me to realize a great deal of the chaos I was always kicking up was largely due to my own resistance towards experiencing my emotions. I found DBT extremely helpful as well, offering me tools for being present with my emotions — as well as techniques for determining the actual reason for the emotion.

One of the most useful things I heard was “every behaviour meets a need”. So regardless of where it’s coming from or why, it’s still a valid need and you will address it one way or another. The more tools I have, the more choice I have, and the more choice I have makes all of it so much easier (and even fun) to manage.

I have been in therapy for 10 years. Long road but I needed to take it this way to learn to be okay with myself and begin to trust others. I started going mainly because of a very bad temper and tendency to pick fights.

The first four years I spent talking about nothing in particular and gradually opening up to my therapist. Only kept going because I still felt like something was wrong.

Today I am much better, but it isn't magic. It's real work. I have struggled through it for a decade now and don't think I could have gotten here had I not stuck with it.

How have you been able to deal with this?

To make a long story short I think mine was caused by some sort of very small food insensitivity, which led to a constant aching in the guts, an inflamed bowel and cognitive issues. All that led to bad sleep and then the doctors just diagnose it as a mental disorder because whatever the condition, it's only subclinical, meaning while there are symptoms, there aren't enough symptoms for any sort of proper diagnosis.

But yeah Tldr I tried an exclusion diet, basically only rice, potatoes, fish and chicken. And no soysauce. Can use sauces but look at the ingredients. Mayos are pretty simple not many ingredients. At one point I avoided all wheat derivatives (and that means glucose syrup as well, which is in everything and in Europe is made from wheat, like all delimeats have it and all candy and pretty much everything), all dairy and dairy derivatives, all allium containing plants and derivatives (onions and garlic etc).

Felt a massively difference in weeks, continued improving for months even when I started adding things back. I'm pretty sure it's a gluten insensitivity, and rn, I'm doing the best medical thing I've ever had to endure, (and I've had to endure a lot of weird procedures); gluten challenge. As in I have to eat gluten every day for weeks. I'm on like week 3 and while I'm pissing from my ass basically, these burgers are just so much better than gluten free ones.

But yeah anyway, you're probably thinking "my emotional problems can't be just because of a food insensitivity", but they totally can be (I'm not saying it is, but that it is an actually documented medical possibility):

A 31-year-old Caucasian woman with a history of severe gluten sensitivity, Hashimoto's disease, mosaic turner's syndrome, and presumed schizo-affective disorder, bipolar type with multiple inpatient psychiatric involuntary admissions presented to the ED on petition for aggressive behavior by law enforcement. The patient had a week-long break-down at her parents' home, where she also resides. She reportedly broke several objects and threatened to slit her mother's throat. On the physical exam, she was malodorous, disheveled, and had long extremely matted hair. Psychiatric evaluation was notable for rambling speech, dysphoric mood, agitation, and irritability. Thought content was disorganized and consisted of grandiose and paranoid persecutory delusions. She was emergently given Haldol for worsening agitation, as she became physically threatening.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10593161/

And the thing is, people can be sensitive to gluten and not know it. Sounds like such Karen bullshit, but it's true. They tested the families of celiacs and non-celiac gluten sensitivity, and while some people reported no symptoms to begin with, they did report improvement on a gluten-free diet. Meaning they basically had symptoms, but had had them all their lives and weren't aware they were symptoms.

A few years ago I would've laughed at people preaching about gluten free, I thought it's just a healthfad. I do not believe in that anymore. A huge percentage of subclinical celiacs are undiagnosed.

Lots of THC, dash of denial, plenty of movies/TV, shopping, and tasty food

Growing up never knew about the issues adults were facing and now as an adult get to take those same adults from childhood for their monthly shot at the low income mental health facility becoming a huge circle that will have to broke eventually

Buckle up because this ride is only getting bumpier

I often feel strong negative emotions and hear criticism and blame where there is none.

Therapy, meditation, and especially EMDR really helped me to help regulate how I responsed and processed my emotions.

It's been a long journey for me, good luck with yours.

I’ve never met a “normal” person in my life. We are all crazy, just in different ways. It’s about understanding and managing it in order to appear “normal”. For some people, it’s meds. Others, obsessive hobbies or work. It’s about understanding what makes you crazy and addressing it. I don’t have all the answers, but you are far from alone in being “crazy”. In fact, you’d be crazy if you were the only normal person.

When you feel overwhelmed or overcome by some unpleasant feeling, what do you do next?

I want to understand why so quick to label yourself or your actions as objectively "crazy"...I'm all for self-awareness but most people are not yet self-aware because our world basically demands that and it always pays to be a bit more evaluative of the math we've used that leads up to such self-condemnation