Probably only a couple of you throw them hard enough
Word will eventually spread of your craft
22the first apple sails by missing him by an inch, as he ducks his head and weaves through the barricaded furniture by the front fate. A second apple whizzes by and hits that nasty postman who explodes in a cloud of letters. Target in sight, he bounds up the stairs and into the first room on the left and delivers his cargo by masters feet: a fresh basket of apples. He's a good boy.
6Exactly, you don't eat them, you throw them at people. And it's not limited to apples.
Rocks are a great substitute for apples!4
Eating "anywhere from 150 to several thousand" apple cores will kill an adult with cyanosis so... maybe stop worrying about how many you need to eat and start figuring out how to feed them to people.
16If you die you're technically away from everyone.
3So what you’re saying is we should aim for 80-120 or what I call the “diarrhea zone” to ensure people leave us alone
3Would this also work with apple pie? I'd love some delicious death.
1Hungry for apples?
1I would rather cover them in petrol and throw them in a river, than share food with another human being!
1
Eat enough and the doctor will come back
14I don't know about apples, but if you just want people to stay away, then, according to anecdotes from others (definitely not personal experience! Stop looking at me), the following will keep you on the throne:
- 2.5kg of oranges (2.5kg with the peel, if you eat the peel you may be able to reduce the amount IDK). Ingest the oranges over the course of an afternoon, where you're bored out of your skull watching the same long play VHS-tape.
- 1kg of assorted wine gum and foam. Ingested over the course of an all nighter at a LAN party.
- 750g of peanuts. Ingested in the back of the car, while your parents are becoming more and more desperate, trying to navigate out of Liege, for 2 hours, in the time before smartphones and car GPS. Careful with this one, most Citroëns don't a toilet build into the back seats.
- ANY amount of the pinkish sweet middle part of the 20cm tall pine cones that grows directly into the air. Just don't be a retard like yours truly on this one.
10Switch to garlic for real success!
7If vampire survivors taught me anything...
4
5They say that if you drink a gallon of water a day, it would keep all the drama away, since you'd be too busy peeing.
5Beans is the magical fruit
5Pythagoras said to never eat them. But he died after a while, so what did he know?
2Was just about to say. Apples keep away the doctor, beans keep away anyone else.
2
Since this specifies how many to eat, probably only like 10. That's a little over the daily value of fiber and since most people don't usually eat as much fiber as they should anyway, that should be enough to get some pretty good gas happening.
3That was Steve Jobs tactic.
Eat only fruit. That causes the worst BO possible. Noone can stand to be near you.
3Plus no one is around him anymore.
3So wait, he figured it out already. The founder of Apple figured it out already 😮
1
Not that many, actually. You'll become a soft serve ice cream machine that's always stuck a little bit on if you have 15 apples worth of fiber a day.
2Thanks for the image.
3
Most if you throw them hard enough.
2most if you break the seeds
1
How do you even keep the fruit merchant away with that amount of consumption
2Eat enough and they will probably cause gas. Keep going!
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