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LadyButterfly she/her @piefed.blahaj.zone

6d ago

Important question

232 comments

Whatever anyone’s opinion on this, ONION RINGS DO NOT BELONG HERE, they are NOT POTATOS
- Sweet potatoes aren't potatoes either.
- I've tried onion rings at at least 5 different resteraunts. All of them just tasted like heart failure. Don't know how they are popular.
  
  You must not have had them with barbeque sauce
- they're fried
- Yes this screams of shitpost.
- They are orthogonal to the potato axis.
  
  WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?!?

Zigzag?? Bitch you mean crinkle cut?!?!
- It’s not worth respecting something that clearly belongs on the bottom of the list.
  
  Sweet potato is at the bottom. If you disagree with me, you're an idiot.
- And those are JoJos....

Wedges
Curly
Zigzag
Shoestring
Waffle
Tots
Sweet Potato (not a potato but closer than an onion)
Onion Rings (not a potato, would be 3 otherwise)

Zigzag
Uh, it's crinkle cut and someone will die on my hill.
- Our hill.
  
  And my axe

Posting such a controversial question and putting in onion rings on this list is bordering on rage bait
Edit: I can't type
- I'm really sorry I should have put a trigger warning
- "Sides you dip in ketchup" covers everything in the image!
  
  Sides that are fried
  
  Ketchup on onion rings? Right to jail, right away.

Okay, two of them aren’t even the same vegetable.

This

With Belgian mayonaise!
And I'm Dutch so I'm not even biased.
- Yes. Vlaamse frieten zijn superieur.
  
  Why Vlaamse? Good fries also in Brussels and Wallonia
- Is that the same thing sold as "frite sauce"? That stuff is the food of the gods
  
  I'm not an expert but I think frite sauce is basically mayonnaise with cheaper ingredients. To call something mayonnaise (at least in the Netherlands) it must contain 70% oil and 5% egg (yolk).
- 🫡

One is not like the others.
- two are not like the others
  
  Sweet Potato is at least a potato.
  
  They're all fried tubers. I'll let it slide. The real travesty is no fried yuca on the list.

They're all tied for number 1, except sweet potato, which skips all the empty spots below and goes straight to number 8. Sweet potato fries suck.
- I wonder if they could be made better by doing that parboil-freeze-deepfry trick that makes mcdonalds fries so good

Tater tot: A good tater tot is like butter. Pure salt and crunch then melt in your mouth deliciousness.
Onion Rings: Good onion rings is technically better than tater tots, but the spectrum of bad to good onion rings is very wide.
Curly Fries: Curly Fries are hard to fuck up. I don't even think I've had a variation of curly fries. They're all the same to me, but they're so good.
Wedges: Wedges have a smaller spectrum than onion rings, but the ceiling is lower and they're hard to rank better than the ones ahead of them.
Shoestring: McDonalds
ZigZag: These can range from heavenly to straight fucking trash. Unfortunately they're too easy to turn into straight fucking trash. By that I mean you have to put more work into them to make them good as opposed to just salt and oven/fried. Might as well just try to fry some snow at that point.
Sweet Potato: I've had good sweet potato fries but I rarely get good sweet potato fries.
Waffle: I don't get these. They're ass. The only place that makes them kinda tolerable is Chik-Fila, but even then they're still ass to me. Can't even make them good at home without drowning them in salt and ketchup. I can slice up a potato and chuck them in the oven and get better results most of the time.
Edit for formatting. Apparently piefed, doesn't honor your numbering and turns it into 1, 2, 3, etc even if you go 8, 12, 3.
- I nearly dismissed your review until you qualified your assessment of onion rings. I have transposed the order on those first two myself
  
  They're close. I might give another answer depending on the day. The rest of the order I stand by.

No. I refuse to rank my children as well.

Where the hell are the Cajun fries?
8, 5, 4, 2, 1, 7, 3, 6
Adding Cajun seasoning to 4, 2, 1, or 7 would raise it above the other 3 and make me unsure about whether to raise it above 5.
- They are definitely by shape (mostly, sweet potato is the odd one out), not seasoning. You can add Cajun seasoning to any of those and they'd still be what shape they are. Just like I prefer curly fries, but I don't like the ones from Arby's because of their seasoning.
  
  mostly, sweet potato is the odd one out
  And the onion rings.

My vote is on number 10: Röstis

5 8 7 2 4 1 6 3

... are the wedges the only non fried food in this picture?
How about boiling them tatoes?

Or simply pan fry them with some butter?

Anyways; 1. Wedges, 2. Waffles, 3. Shoestring with surprise sweet potatoes > The rest.
- Wedges are fried often times. At our nation-wide supermarket for example, at the ready-made counter, wedges are definitely fried. Same with the mom and pop chicken shop down the street.
- I think the OP was originally about fried preparation of potatoes. Wedges at least in North America are usually fried, I think the only non-fried ones I've seen are in the UK.
  Also if we're talking about the best preparation of potatoes in general, it's mashed and there's no argument there.
- If we're talking about expanding to other potatoe-preparations, we might as well include a simple baked potatoe.
  And, as a Bavarian, I cannot omit the glorious Knödel (in all it's potato-based variations).
  
  Preparation is important.
  Air fryer makes sweet potato move up the list, regular oven makes tots go up. Traditional deep fried makes them go down and brings the potato items up.

Shoestrings
Tots
Wedges (but not the ones in this picture)
Onion Rings (they'd be higher on the list but they're not potatoes)
Waffle
Curly
Zigzag (why do they always suck so much? In theory they should be great. Also why are they always sold at public swimming pools?)
Sweet potato
Anything in the list gets to move up +1 when chicken salt is added if the other contenders don't, except sweet potato or onion rings.

5, [tied: 1, 2, 3, 4, 7], 6, 8
Sweet potato fries are fucking amazing when they're done right. Usually they're overly mushy which I think is why they get so much hate, but they're top tier when the cook knows what they're doing.
- Sweet Potato fries turn out way better than regular potato in an air fryer if you're buying frozen ones to make at home.
  I bought a spice grinder and made a spice mix for my sweet potato fries. Its a mix of salt, old bay, montreal steak seasoning and dried chilli flakes and its awesome.
  
  Hard agree. The only issue is frozen sweet potato fries are way more expensive than regular. I try to make my own at home but can’t get the same crispness in the air fryer.

My only strong opinion on the whole chart is that crinkle cut fries are the worst thing shown and thus take last place no matter what
- Crinkle are dogshit tier but I'll take them over sweet potato anything.

Ok there's another factor here and that's taking into account the dipping sauce if any.
Crinkle cut without sauce? Bland. With a good sauce? Those little accordion fucks hold way more than shoestring.

47123685

2: Top tier. I would suck a curly fry-wrapped dick as a side dish to my communion.
8: As pictured, yes. With their typical batter style that allows the onion to slide out? Fucking garbage. 1: A solid choice that reheats well and consistently delivers the yum.
7: Tasty and a fun puzzle as you try to reconstruct the potato.
3: Plain tots? Fuck outa here. Bump that shit up with some totchos.
4: Good in theory, dry as fuck in practice. Texture is inconsistent and offensive to autism.
5: What the fuck is wrong with you? Deadass. Explain your trauma to me.
6: Somehow chalk that reheats into more chalk. Your mom said not to fast food and then pulled these out the oven. Worse than a sweet potato fry.

2, 3, 4, 6, 1, 7, 5.
Onion rings are either at the top or bottom of the list depending on the batch.

Cheese curds
- Cheese curds and gravy
  
  Ah, the Canadian.

Onion rings > tots > sweet potato > everything else
And fuck ketchup, combine one part mayonnaise and one part BBQ sauce to dip that shit in
- ketchups good with an equal amount of chili pequin sauce mixed in. I learned this at a mexican restaurant that also served burgers and fries for some reason, and haven't been able to go back to any other fry sauce since

Shoestring, Onion Ring, Waffle, Tots, Curly, Wedges, Zigzag, Sweet Potato

Where are the cheese curds? Fucking profligates is deep fried cheese too good for ya?

I need more popcorn for parsing these comments
- I'm loving how passionately people feel about it

1st: Curly
2nd: Waffle
3rd: Shoestring
4th: Wedges
5th: Tater Tots
6th: Zig Zag
7th: Onion Rings
8th: Sweet Potato Fries
I genuinely love all of these, and struggled to rank them. Just a total potato gremlin.
These rankings also depend a lot on the source. So I just went with the best I've tasted of each.

Doesn't matter which, if its done incorrectly its complete garbage.
Done right, each one, extremely delicious... except maybe sweet potato

I love all of these, not gonna lie.

3 (tots)
2 (curly)
6 (~~zigzag~~ crinkle cut)
4 (waffle)
7 (~~wedges~~ Jo-Jo’s)
5 (sweet potato)
8 (onion rings) - tied with sweet potatoes; they’re both lost and in the wrong part of town
1 (shoestring) - potato chip sticks with more steps
Missing: coniques.
- Ugh. People who call wedges “Jo-Jo’s” creep me out. It’s just so weird. Agreed about Crinkle fries though.
  
  Is it the name or the people that creeps you out?

I'm gonna have to lock in Onion Rings as my final answer.

Rank is less important than the presence or absence of chicken salt.

Waffle fries (always crispy and delicious)
Curly fries (same)
Tater tots (surprisingly good)
Wedges, if properly spiced
Good onion rings
Shoestring, if not limp
Bad onion rings
Bad wedges
Crinkle cut (zigzag) (usually unflavored and soggy from a bag, but can be better than soggy shoestrings)
Bad shoestrings
Sweet potato fries (always soggy and I don't like sweet potato very much)

I'm not too fussy about my deep fried treats. They're all no. 1 in my book. Except sweet potato, they can fuck off. They taste fine, but why are they always soggy?
- You haven't had good ones then, because a well cooked sweet tater fry that is crispy on the outside and soft in the middle is the best.
  
  This is interesting. They are very firmly in the bottom of my list and have no chance of moving up, but curiously, I don't think I've ever had these soggy ones people are talking about. Actually the few I had were quite nicely crisped and I would wager must have been seeing of the best examples of their class. As a food on their own, not ranked alongside chips, they're probably a more solid "kind of okay", they just can't go beyond last place in any such list because they'll never beat actual chips. Crinkle cut almost managed to be terrible enough to be the first of it's kind beaten by sweet potato fries but then I had to imagine being presented with either and no other substitutes and even then I couldn't bring myself to pick the sweet potato despite them likely having an actually better crisp texture in that scenario than those awful crinkle cuts. Just not looking for sweet potato flavour at all if I'm having chips. I guess the trouble is, for me, making them in to chips is probably one of the best ways to make sweet potato tolerable but I just dislike them in the first place so it's hardly going to be warmly embraced.
  
  I clearly haven't, but I'd like to.
- So true actually

5,3,8,4,7,2,6,1

Chip shop chips > roast potato > steak fries > everything on this list

Sweet potato Onion Rings Curly Tots Shoestrings Wedges Waffle Zigzag.
Tots might be lower on the list, but I found they can work surprizingly well in some lazy microwave meals I make, so they get extra points for ease and dependability.

What the heck kind of list is this?
Where are the steak fries?
- the wedges?
  
  Steak fries or "steak-cut" fries are much different than wedges. Maybe they're called something different outside the US:

1 2 3 7 8 5 4 6

3 2 1 4 7 6 8 5

Jack in the Box curlies from 20 years ago before they switched to a different frying oil. I was just arriving in the states and that stuff was the best ever.
- Hardee's curly fries are the best. By extension I guess that means Carl's Jr. too, but I wouldn't know.
- Did they do what McDonald's did and switch from beef tallow to vegetable oil?
  I miss the old McDonald's fries but I like that their less terrible for you, but yet they're still not vegetarian/vegan.

87326514

5 - 8 - 4 - 2 - 1 - 3 - 7 - 6
I'm really not a big white potato fan but sweet potatoes and onions are delicious
- This is exactly what I thought as going to answer. Fuckin LOVE sweet potatoes and onions

Why not #9?
- They are delicious
- I assumed because the category was "things that aren't actually real chips / potato fries" - by being real pieces of fried potato these are disqualified 😅

I think onion rings and tots need to be removed from the list as neither are potato based. Substitute latkes and hash browns in their places.
- Bro, what are your tots made out of?
  
  Industrial waste or cardboard, would be my guess (it was a joke, tots are every bit as good as waffle fry’s).
- What exactly are your tots made of, if not 'tater?
- Tots are literally cylindrical hash browns.
- Where does it say that being potato based is part of the criteria?
- Oh shit latkes are like bringing a gun to a knife fight. None of the other options even come close.

1, 7, 6, 4, 8, 3, 2, 5
- Name checks out.

Everything else on the list
Onion rings
What can I say, I love tubers

-Curly
-Onion Ring (isn't really tater but I love them)
-Waffle
-Shoestring
-Sweet potato
-Zigzag (crinkle cut)
-Wedges
-Tots
Honestly though if im only stuck with the last three I won't even eat them-

Tater tots are basically an entire potential meal of their own. Not a French fry, but I may actually prefer them as a possible main dish.
The best French fries. They are the perfect side.
If you want to fancy it up a bit. Suitable for formal occasions.
Taking the one-dimensional line of the French fry and extrapolating it out to two dimensions. Still a good ketchup conveyance, but starting to get into the issue I'm going to bring up with...
5, 6, 7. Not a good enough ratio of crispy outer fried surface to gooey potato inner. I prefer crisp, but when I bite one of these, I have a good chance of just getting a mouthful of scalding hot potato napalm, or what's worse, cold potato cement. Not ideal.
'8. Yeccch.
- counterargument: 8 8 8 8 8 8 8 8

3>2>4>6…

232 comments