LadyButterfly she/her @piefed.blahaj.zone

2w ago

Do you agree?

121 comments

I fucking wish I was 30
- 47, first time seeing a family doctor on the 30th, long road before diagnosis. And got an appointment for my finances. Now I need to make one for my teeth. I'm getting there.
  If I can just keep at it a little longer.
- Right?? The time stretching ahead of you like a vast unexplored country…
- You become thirsty.

It never changes either. I'm past 40 and I'm still like "I'll get my life together next year. Or the one after that, surely!"
- I mean yeah, last week(month/year) didn't go as planned but this week(month/year) I will finally get my shit together

You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun
- Such a good song. Kind of fucked up to listen to on a morning commute tho xD
- Used to love this song and listen to this band so much in my late teens/early 20s. I do remember with these lyrics wondering at that time if that's how it would go. Funny to get to my 30s now and be like, "yep, hard relate"

Just working on diagnosis at 50. You're lucky if you worked it out by 30.
- I'm 53 and have been questioning it for a few years. I just have to make that doctor's appointment to ask about it . That's my goal for next week. It was also my goal last week, last month, and the last couple years... one day/week at a time.
  After my morning coffee everything sounds like a great idea, but it's too early in the morning to do anything about it because that window of time is designated peaceful quiet moment before I have to work. I'll just do it this afternoon after work...
  
  I just found out yesterday that I am Bipolar, have severe anxiety and depression, PTSD and likely ADHD but it'll take a while to figure out cause they all have overlapping symptoms. Apparently I've been playing as a beginner on expert mode all along. Getting actual diagnosis for these things is a while thing unto itself where I live. It's not real easy to get a psychologist unless you pay out of pocket. I don't have money for that.
  It took a long time. Had to quit booze. Straighten up my life some. Have a family to care about. Almost die from crazy cancer. Before I made the calls. Don't beat yourself up too bad.
- Got mine less than a year ago at 41. My whole fucked up life makes sense.
  
  It's crazy how it all makes so much sense that I've always wanted to just live in a cabin in the woods and exist.

I didn't get diagnosed until my 50's. Now starting to get a grip on things.

Try 45 and but yes I agree.
- 51 and yes. I bet we can go higher.
  
  No I have hope "Holly Hope" that I can turn it around. Just got my webcomic back up, and ready for my second one. And going start a positive podcast with my sons. Just got to motivate me back into writing.
  
  I think we've got to get in at least 10,000

I stopped caring about “getting my life together”. All it means to me is being a nice little cog in the soul crushing machine. I take care of the absolute minimum on a day by day basis and use what’s leftover to have fun and do what I want to. I figure by the time it catches up to me, the world will have really gone to shit. If somehow the state of things actually improve, either it’ll be a world that treats people with adhd better or I’ll go out on my own terms.

It is just so tiring sometimes

Joke's on you, I'm like that at 47.
- Came here to say this… my job is done already so I’ll scroll along…

If only psychiatrists didn't do literally everything in their power to make getting an appointment as hard as possible for people who have ADHD. Same goes for social anxiety.

"...you're 30 50"

Doesn't really get much better at 50 either
- it gets a lot better with treatment
  
  Can Confirm
  
  What's the treatment? Adderal?
  
  Will have to take your word for it as I am unable to get treatment at present

Is there any way to manage symptoms without medication? Both of my brothers have ADHD and my therapist suspects that I do, too. However, I have a history of abusing adderall and being addicted to it. I don't want to ever take a prescription stimulant again and no doctor would prescribe me one anyway because of my history.
- Medication is just one facet of the treatment/management strategy. That said, there are some other medications that wouldn't be as easy to abuse, but only you know your body.
- There are non stimulants like straterra (atomoxetine) which is an SNRI (same family as anti depressants)
  Personally I find it extremely effective and much more stable in terms of daily functioning.
- I am unmedicated with ADHD. Specifically for symptoms my go-to is lions mane mushroom supplements (I use "RealMushrooms", note that quality actually matters, and these have been consistent in my experience) and ginkgo biloba. Usually 500mg lions mane, 120mg ginkgo per dose. Lions mane sometimes a second dose later in the day, but it can be a little overstimulating. Ginkgo is recommended up to 3x a day.
  It's been my go-to pairing for years, and it makes a noticeable difference, especially if I take a break from it.
- Meditation can be basically training your mind to focus on a single thing. Focus on the breath. When you realize you're thinking about dinner, congratulate yourself for catching your mind wandering, and go back to focusing on the breath. It's helped me a bit at times. I saw a Sci-Am article that said 12 min every day seemed to be the sweet spot. Still working on consistency myself...
  
  It's a super basic thing that hopefully most people already know about, but "box breathing" really helps me when I need to relax. For people who aren't aware:
  Four second long inhale, then hold for four seconds. Four second exhale, then hold for four seconds. Repeat.
  After a bit I realize that I'm not counting anymore and it doesn't feel like holding my breath because now I'm just breathing slow on my own.
- Cannabis helps me. But I guess that's a form of "medication" (though not with the same mechanisms of addiction as amphetamines, I don't think).
  Well, I guess that depends on how you define "help." It usually doesn't do anything for my poor executive functioning, but it does help with the anxiety that usually comes with it.

I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

Getting my shit together < the sweet embrace of the status quo
- Yeah like it's only a problem when I'm expected to cover the duties of the two friends who got laid off, on top of my own job description.
  I wouldn't need drugs to "lock in" if I wasn't continually being squeezed for more more more focus more productivity more time more fucking unwavering attention.
  It's not normal! It's this stupid grind culture that makes me disabled. When the workload is evenly shared I don't need drugs.

I'm exactly like that, and I find it so strange. Usually, the brain adepts to a new situation, and that isn't exactly new.
I plan everything as if I did not have ADD, and have done so even before I was diagnosed and had meds.

25 for me and had just been fired for the second time. I was lucky enough to find coping mechanisms and a support structure that worked for me with people who had my best interests in mind otherwise I'd probably still be struggling.
That was over 20 years ago and now when I tell people I'm ADHD they don't believe me. Makes me feel good!

You shut the fuck up. I do not appreciate being attacked like this

30 is as great a time to start as any

If I get diagnosed/medicated will things get better :c
- i don’t mean this as discouragement but at least in my own personal experience, no it doesn’t.
  that doesn’t mean it can never get better. just means for me getting diagnosed and taking different medications wasn’t the solution, it might not be for you either. so don’t be disappointed if you try it and it doesn’t work.
  i don’t like how people hype up their prescription. just bc something works for you doesn’t mean it’ll work for everyone else, and it feels tone deaf when i see people in neurodivergent communities giving blanket “yes” answers to questions like this. it’s irresponsible and setting a large portion of people up for failure before they had a chance.
  
  NGL sometimes I think there's a strong placebo component to it. Not that it's a bad thing.
- Yes

Ironically, I started actually building stuff when I hit 30.

That is exactly how I described it to my therapist when I started really getting my mental shit together a few years ago… past 40.
There has been another recent meme that says something along the lines of “do you know they let you raw dog ADHD your whole life as long as you get good grades?” and that one hits even harder. I’ve described my childhood academic performance to a few of my medical professionals as “I was the kid who was threatened with getting kicked out of the gifted program because I didn’t do my homework.” And honestly I don’t think I remembered the assignments existed. I think that was the year I started using big fat daily planners.
And along those lines, while some of us are venting about difficulty getting treated: In past decades I’ve hauled my ass onto psychologist offices for an ADHD diagnosis and treatment. Well, I’ve always done well on cognitive tests. And you’d better believe that my Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria makes me hyper focus on those tests like a mother fucker. So being told you’re essentially too smart to have ADHD is frustrating as hell when you have failed university classes and gotten fired from grown-ass engineering jobs because of a crippling lack of executive function.
And I want to be clear none of this is supposed to be humble bragging. I’m just assuming that the audience on Lemmy is dense enough with similar computer nerds that others can probably relate when I describe it plainly. My brain is not one to envy — let’s just say it has lots of Simpson-esque “speed holes” thanks to other more significant medical shit, lol.
Edit to add: speaking of RSD, the first time I read about the strong link between ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, my entire god damned life made sense. Why yes, my life has also been defined by crippling social anxiety!
But the silver lining there is that I am able to make things a lot better for my son (8) who is exactly like me, and I can teach my wife about the brutally powerful emotions in situations that just don’t phase other people.
- Bro, are you me?
  It doesn't come across as a humblebrag. You've suffered all your life. Many of us have suffered. And only now is our society understanding what is happening in our head and making concessions to help.
- I don't see the humble brag. If that's what ADHD has been for you, why shouldn't you be allowed to share it? But I've been in the exact same situation, so I might be biased. 😋
- You don’t even have to get good grades if your parents kinda suck

This time for real though

I brought it up to my doctor and got a referral to get a diagnosis, finally. That was 4 years ago. I need to ask again for another referral but keep forgetting/not being able to, while im there. If I can bring myself to do it, I might just ask my doctor to help me make the appointment while im there. :P
- Make yourself a calendar reminder now while your thinking about it

Even now that I'm medicated I still do this everyday. Things are better, but medication has its limits.
- It also doesn't last all day, much to my dismay.
  
  I get four hours out of supposedly 12 hour extended release Adderall.

Just wait a little longer and you'll eventually won't believe you'll ever do any of that ever. problem solved

live your life to its fullest is overrated, cringe and government propaganda.
- I don't think it is, as long as you are the one deciding what "fullest" is.
  It could even be spending the most amount of time possible with family and friends, or the most amount of time learning LOTR lore.
  
  good point, i think i agree. i was half joking anyway, but on the other hand it's also good to introspect from time to time to understand where my idea of "fullest" came from.

Lol literally me until a year and a half ago when my boyfriend told me he thinks I have ADHD.
Now I'm more like "tomorrow I will do my best and when it fails, I'll try again". It doesn't really fix anything at all, but at least it has given me a tiny bit more peace of mind to finally accept that I don't actually fail on purpose.

Ouch 😵‍💫

I have a diagnosis but meds didn't work, possibly because i live a pretty much sheltered life and was never forced into work, i did some jobs but i never lasted more than a year. The last 3 years i spent smoking weed and postponing my waking up. Now i'm trying psychotherapy again and i've been prescribed efexor.
But i feel more hopeless and spent than ever. I can't feel interest nor curiosity about anything. Social interactions are pain, and what's worse is that even with my closest friends it is now like that. I just feel like I'm not interested or capable of conversing with them, cause I feel no interest in any thing anymore....
- So maybe you need to artificially create some sort of panic in your life. I look at your life and am jealous of the things discribe but you seem to be wanting in on what Im going through. So if that's the case just need to be constantly panicked about something.
  
  But i am panicked about everything, about my brain fog, my incapability of communicating or even wanting to comunicate with people, inability to cope with the world materially and morally crumbling down.
  And mostly, panicked about my inability to not feel numb constantly about my panic
- I’m not a doctor, but what you’re describing sounds very much like clinical depression to me. So I’m wondering if maybe your dose of Effexorneeds to be adjusted. Again, I am not a medical professional in any way shape or form also, for me personally, I was smoking weedfor the first six months after I got diagnosed in addition to taking the Adderall. The weed almost completely Counteracted all the beneficial effects of the Adderall. Once I got off it, I am now my best self that I have ever been. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke. I don’t do any of that stuff anymore and I no longer feel the urge.
  
  I don't know if i have depression, but i starter to get curious about gender dysphoria and many things seem to resonate. Depersonalization and derealization mostly...i know there are comorbidities but it feels like a rouge to investigate
  I havent gotten the chance to start efexor yet. Tomorrow ill have it tho.
  Also your feedback on weed was helpful, when i start stimulants again i will do my best not to smoke
  Thank you

Oh well.

Yep. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was like 35.

Wrong! I was only 27 when I got diagnosed 💪💪
- Haha, about the same. Now 32 and feel like I'm the best I've ever been since diagnosis and medication 💪

Only 30? I'm still waiting at 42...

Yeah, and what's difficult is that real improvement is possible, but you get stuck in this rut where you view attempts to improve yourself as pointless.

Damn. The ADHD memes need to chill.
- Agreed. At least a Trigger warning or even an NSFW flair.

Nah, before I was diagnosed I was basically a zombie raising from the dead each morning through sheer willpower.

37 just diagnosed. Knew it all the time.

but ADHD meds don't work on me
- How many have you tried? Also it never fixes everything, like for me it mostly just helps with maintaining focus on things, but executive function is still fucked.
  
  Are there drugs for executive function? Asking for a friend.

What do you call it when you finally admit to yourself that that obviously isn't going to happen so you don't even bother with the charade any more?

I'm like this, but I always thought it was depression.

Where is that pfp character from? I remember it's from animated shorts. From Nickelodeon? I remember a short where his brain falls out, but can't remember how I know it.

Im medicated, almost 30, and I don't get it done either

Better don't worry about tomorrow and ask yourself why you didn't get up today.
Could be a trick question if you don't find a reason for not doing something.

DW! It get's better in the mid 30's. When you realize you don't want to stress yourself anymore. You have your career already set up. No need to prove yourself, like back in school. You can start enjoying your life and care less.
- Except for those people with crippling ADHD, who never get to build a career, have trouble maintaining meaningful relationships and succumb to the overhead and additional stress of having to try life on hard mode.
  Let's not pretend those people don't exist or that ADHD is not a problem for adults any longer, in particular in places where healthcare is not readily accessible.
  
  Those people don't exist, we all know that people with severe ADHD walk into the forest at 29 and become trees. Let's go back to pretending ADHD is not a problem for adults.
  
  My family doc unironically told me that adults can't have adhd, and kids grow out of it. I don't even know where to start.
- Then you get into a relationship and feel your partner's disappointment every day because it turns out that while you have gotten comfortable with how your brain works, the rest of the world hasn't. But don't worry; tomorrow is the day when it'll all get better...
  
  And then the cycle repeats. You try to comfort a society holding on to neurotypical values. You haven't learned to accept yourself. You keep working against your nature and you still hate yourself for failing.
  
  Go mask off early on, get rejected by neurotypicals and find your self a nice manic pixie to settle down with.
  Fingers crossed one of our daughters is good at accounting.
  
  Oh wow you really need better people around you then :( there are people that don't mind your executive disfunction, and I know that life then suddenly gets much different.
- Unless you forget to do the whole career set-up thing and just bounce from one hyperfocus to the next.
  This is a warning to anyone under 30; pick a well defined role that has a title and is transferable.
  
  Can I be a house? A house has a title, a well defined role and is transferable
- I don't and have never wanted to "stress myself." There is no off switch for the stress. It's always there. It's been there almost as long as I can remember.
  I was diagnosed at 28. If I waited much longer I would probably be a full blown alcoholic today. I managed my symptoms by self medicating (i.e. drinking) which was a really poor substitute for actual medication. That was the only way I could temporarily shut off the stress.
  Getting diagnosed and properly medicated dramatically improved my quality of life.
- Lemme just pull out my wallet and give my landlord contentment, I'm sure they'll understand given my pay damn sure ain't keeping up with inflation.

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