I think my IT guy hates me...

Checks the system uptime... 97 days.

You restarted it, right?

goes on to show, pressing the monitor button on and off
See! Not working!
- My father did this.
  I was giving him a PC tutorial and I asked him to turn off the PC and he turned off the monitor.
  One of my users locked her Windows session and then signed in again, there, I rebooted.
- My esteemed coworker, if the computer is off, then how are we still skyping?
- Literally every single time!
My record was 18 months from a user who swore they restarted 3 times.
- At a previous job, I was not doing IT support but another role and I noticed a coworker had a red dot on the Windows Update status bar icon.
  Told him I don't think I have seen that before, normally it is orange.
  So he tells me that he is trying to see how long he can keep it going before something happens. I recommended against this, and also I normally recommend against using the desktop to store files. The laptop goes up in flames, so do your files. We have OneDrive for business, I know people hate it, but at least your stuff is... relatively safe. Backed up at least with version history.
  A few weeks later I was chatting to someone else who sometimes shared my desk, and somehow I mentioned this encounter. A while later, his manager sitting ahead of us is on a phone call and we hear he is getting upset. He hangs up and turns around, tells us.
  Him and one sales guy had spent hours on some proposals, worked out all the values and timings and it's gone. All that work gone. His laptop rebooted because Windows updates.
  He mentions who... it is the same guy. I tell him I was just telling my desk buddy about him and how he intentionally left his laptop running for months to see what Windows Update would do and clearly he did not take my advice about rebooting and using OneDrive.
  The rest of the day... this guy did not stop. Every 30 minutes or so he'd just go "All that work, gone. Why?"
  We'd be walking to get lunch, talking about other things and again he'd just switch back to that and turn gloomy again.
Had a company tell us we needed to get our ticket numbers up, but we didn't have any open tickets to close. We were told users shouldn't have their machines up for more than 5 days without a restart because updates and such were pushed and w.e bs reasons. Just started running reports for uptime and had each tech ping 10 users and tell them to restart or kick off a restart if the machine had no logged on users on it. Poof 150 extra tickets a week from our office. When there is 75,000+ computers on the network... There are always computers that haven't been restarted in a week.
Only job I've ever had to create busy work at. And it was solely because they forced a return to office, so instead of supporting 60,000 employees we were small groups supporting far less (maybe 100 in my building).
Horribly inefficient
- That only applies to shut down. Restart will always do a proper reboot.

We installed remote access on all employee computers. Among other details, it allowed us to see machine uptime.

I would tell certain people/liars that I'll fix their problems over lunch and to make sure they save all work before leaving.

Then as lunch came along, I'd just remotely reboot their computer.

Fun fact. "The IT Crowd" is actually a documentary.

Hah! I'd do that when they were reboot recalcitrant. I'd let them know, but if they were really a pain in the ass, lunch reboot.
"No idea why it rebooted. Maybe it caught an update?"
(No, I managed updates.)
- You could also change nothing and make up an excuse to restart.
  "Ok I checked the regedit HSKEY_LOCAL to ensure [company software] exists and has correct values, now we should just reboot to apply new settings."
- I miss my IT days, they were fun. I once saw a USB flashdrive taped to a postcard. It was the old owners friend who had sent him pictures from a meet up.
  I loved it. The old guy wanted to send pictures. And send them he did.
  Also did my last favor for a guy who needed a long ethernet cable for something at home, I said sure, but we need it back by next week. He never returned it. So I told him "I'm not gonna argue, either it's on my desk tomorrow or I'll send your department an invoice so we can buy a new one."
  It was on my desk next day in a tangled pile.

We don't hate you. We hate everyone

Understandable
"I don't hate you specifically... My hate is universal."
Not as much as we hate Microsoft.

turn off monitor

count to 10

turn on monitor

"Nope, didn't work"

PEBCAK

It's always a layer 8 issue.
- Ooh I need to start using this
  I wonder if I can get away with saying this to a client
ID10T
- PICNIC
Yeah, had that. Reboots take longer than 5 seconds.
"Oh you mean reset the hard drive?"
If that is what we must call it to end this conversation, then yes.
- When I worked for a small business MSP, my boss had an off hours call about an issue, walked the guy through rebooting their server. He was monitoring the uptime so he saw it go off. Then he told them to turn it back on. The guy said he did, but my boss never saw it come back online. He asked him if it was lit up, the guy said yes. He said "are you sure", and the guy, annoyed, said "yes! I see lights". Waited a bit longer and it never came online. He called another person at the business to check, and they too confirmed that it was lit up. So he drove 35 minutes to go to their office, walked in their network closet and hit the power button, and magically it turned on. They were seeing the lights on the router, an entirely different machine sitting on top of the server and thought it was on. The issue was fixed by the reboot alone and my boss drove home very very annoyed.
Related to PEBKAC: In Estonian we have a saying: "the problem is in the cardan between the seat and the steering wheel"
Supposedly a fairly eccentric teacher I had (businessman and ex 90s "connected" guy got bored and wanted to teach middle school shop class to confirm the rumors that kids are indeed getting stupider compared to the "good old days") once managed to get an employee of his to go to the parts store to ask for said "cardan" for their car after asking him for advice.

Most likely the IT guy thought you were either lying, or are too stupid to actually turn your computer off and on again. Because both is pretty typical for end users. Working in IT with direct contact to "non technical" end users will make you lose your faith in humanity very quickly, because you get to look straight into the deepest abyss of human malice and stupidity all day every day.

What do yo mean "the shiny flat square on your desk isn't your computer'?
"I get an error when using the LOB app, help!"
What was the error?
"I don't know, I closed it already"
Ok, replicate the problem for me.
Replicates the issue, immediately closes the error window*
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

My initial thought is "I don't believe you" if they claim to have already restarted the PC. Sometimes they Think they did but only put it to sleep or something, and sometimes they are just lying to seem less stupid.

Once I had a user swear up and down they restarted the computer 3 times, and asked if I thought they were an idiot.
I said, "No, I'm not saying you're an idiot, but your computer is saying it's boot time was 18 months ago."
- Spent too long in tech support - The trick with people like this is to move the goal to something that they certainly haven't done before yet still accomplishes the same goal. Here I would honest to God ask the customer to check the pins on the power cable to make sure they're straight. I don't give a damn about those pins but they have to unplug the computer to look.
- I used to tell them I was checking something and open up cmd and get system uptime right after asking that.
  The number of people shocked at being called out for having their PC on for over 60 days straight is enough to make anyone lose faith in humanity.
- I used to see a lot of people log out and back in and think that was restarting. Still wish Windows had an uptime command
- On the other hand, our endpoint management solution reported long, continuous uptime even if devices were shut down. Turns out fastboot was to thank for it.
Too many people think that just turning off the monitor is what you want them to do. They're usually the same people that refer to their entire desktop PC as "the hard drive". At least that was my experience about a decade ago.
- And claim they need 'more memory' when they run out of space on the local drive because they're storing all their important files in the recycle bin.
- Always pains me to watch Chuck because it's a show about an IT support guy and HE ALSO REFERS TO DESKTOP COMPUTERS AS HARD DRIVES LIKE WHAT THE FUCK, WERE THEY ACTIVELY TRYING TO DRIVE US MAD
This. "Lets try it again, just to be sure." ::watches them put it to sleep with the soft power button::
- The real fun is when you can't watch what their doing because its over the phone, so you just have to hope they are doing it right. I used to hit them with the "Let's try this; hold down the power button for exactly 30 seconds, then turn it back on." Worked every time, but I did once have a guy ask me why that worked, and I didn't want to call him an idiot so I made up some BS about it being a way to "flush the power from the system" and he bought it.

We hate everyone, because you people only bring us your problems 99% of the time and no one cares about our problems

I bought my IT guy an Excel mug that said something like Freak in the Sheets. He had been helping me transfer files from one computer to another (old computer had an expanding battery issue) and said he appreciated novelty mugs. He was being a real pal about it. So, I got him a mug. I didn't solve any of his problems, but I did let him vent some about them.
- Protip if you bring your IT guy an eighth of weed, he'll give you admin privileges on your PC for a few days.
We also hate everyone b/c when the encounter the tiniest bit of friction in their device usage they run to IT without even trying to think of what the cause may be. Maybe, just maybe, trying to put 35GB of pics on a 16GB USB drive is the problem, and not some major computer issue.
- there's an even bigger issue there - file size (or file systems) are not taught anymore. Hell the ipad doesn't even expose a file system to its users. I work in schools and teachers and students are both as bad as each other

The number of times I had been remoted into a user's system while they were "rebooting" is too damned high. Also, a lot of them got upset with me for then restarting their computer because they had unsaved work up.

Always fun to have that conversation with a supervisor, most of them don't like that their people wasted time and lost work because they were not following directions AFTER BEING TOLD TO SAVE YOUR SHIT AND REBOOT.

You should just reboot the second you log in and say that's how the system is set up

"I tried to turning the server on and off again, but that didn't fix the problem"

IT-guy: 💀

Though soon to no longer be IT, i guarantee that if you bring them cookies and coffee theyll start to love you :)

Corporate sent me a laptop that kept not talking a charge, so I get on with an IT guy and we go through a bunch of steps then he has me open WSL and I'm like "oh this is just the terminal". He instantly went from "this is a chore" to upbeat. After that he was super helpful and even called in a RMA for the dock that we figured out was the issue (we usually have to call in our own RMAs), then once I got it he called back and walked me through flashing it to the latest firmware, rather than just emailing the instructions.
Unless they are struggling with their weight and self control, and have worked very hard to remove temptations from their workspace. :(
- A few guys at my work actually just asled us what we wanted from the cafeteriawhen we were doing long fixes on their laptops (I work in a uni)
- Just the coffee then? Black, no sugar
When I left my last job I took the IT department cakes. They nearly fainted

IT guy here:

If I ask you if you turned it off and back on and you say yes, I tend to believe you. But if I look and I see that the uptime for the computer proves that you lied, this is the look I give you. And then I'll reboot and there's a good chance that the problem will be solved.

I'll have enough grace to say that maybe we had different ways of describing what you intended to do when "rebooting," but inside I know that you lied to me because you believe that IT people recommend this step because you think we're lazy and trying to make you go away. No. We suggest it because it often works. And if you'd try it before you called the helpline, that'd cut our calls in half.

you know what's funny about turning it off and on? my home isp had a problem. the uplink packets were dropping very often, downlink was fine. I called tech support.

as usual they said the 'IT hello'. I said already tried. the guy made me restart everything on call. nothing changed. soon they sent two guys. they came all the way to turn the optical interface off and on and tp change the dns to isp one (obviously I never use that). they soon realized the problem isn't here and called the isp. after some furious cussword exchanges they told the isp the IT mantra. and voila! they restarted their switch (cutting off internt to an entire locality lol) and everything went normal. that day I knew the true power of that mantra.

I love IT, but my pet peeve is when others institutionalize my troubleshooting skills as the de facto solution to their issues.

At work I'll often tolerate it - it can be sometimes argued that it's what I'm paid for.

But in personal or family life the rule is the base price for my assistance is the story of what you tried before reaching out to me, and the price of my services is based on how "well told" that story is.

Tell me something unique and interesting and my services may likely be free. Tell me of your your attention to detail, and I'll settle for a meal or favor. Tell me you couldn't be bothered and I'll tell you I can't be afforded.

That's fine. If we do a whole bunch of stuff with no results, but then I try reboot/power cycle and it works, I'm telling your supervisor.

IT in general isn't more important than you, but we have responsibilities that are. If I'm dicking around with your PC because you couldn't take a minute to reboot when asked, you're the reason I'm putting down for why other things don't get finished.

"Dam I guess I'll look into this and get back to you soon" then move ticket to the bottom of the queue and a month later message of teams to ask if its still an issue.

I check your system uptime anyway. Users usually don't know that shutdown and restart do different things based on system settings. And sometimes they lie too.

I'm assuming you turned off and on the monitor rather than the pc, rebooted a different device, or did nothing.

I clicked the little minus button on my Internet Explorer, is that what you mean?
- You're why I drink.

Did you turn it off then on, or restart?

Fucking windows
- People expecting me to magically fix what Microsoft keeps breaking in every imaginable way, update after update, with bugs failing to be fixed for literal years, and then getting pissy at best or straight up an asshole Karen who wants to talk to the manager—or sometimes CEO!—while insulting me at worst, if I'm unable to fix or workaround this horrible closed source, poorly documented hot garbage with no real human support from Microsoft.
  Meanwhile Linux. When shit breaks, I might spend days troubleshooting, but fuck if I don't manage to do it after finding some 5 years old thread on a forum that leads to a line of code in another random thread. Also logs. Love that shit.
- Restart, shutdown, and halt are all different for Unix based machines as well. So you need that info to diagnose issues on Macs or Linux machines too

Well is it plugged in?

Saw several stories where the user was experiencing a building wide power outage...
"OF COURSE IT'S PLU- oh I'm so sorry."

Are you ABSOLUTELY SURE it's plugged in?

I am Jacks pervasive sense of doubt

also you didn't log out and then back into teams so you still have an active session and your restart means nothing

But even after all those, have you tried to upgrade to Window 11?

At my job I deal with IT a lot for one of our server rooms since one of the computers I use that runs an entire floor is linked to that server. It often goes haywire and needs a simple reset.

I kid you not every time I call I tell them this is common and all I need them to do is reset the server remotely (I can’t get in cuz the room is locked by IT which surprise works from home). They proceed to ignore me and pull out their bullshit checklist and run through 20 different troubleshooting protocols before finally getting to the last one(reset the server) and it finally works.

Like I would think a simple reset would be the first thing they try.