I think you'd find this to be a more common situation than most people would think. I think a lot of people would be open to exploring a lot of generally kinky things, but haven't found the right person that matches them!
I don't know either. I don't think online would work for me, but then you run into the catch-22. I decided a few months ago to start interacting online after a decade and still fight a bit anxious every time I post. Hopefully I'll work up the courage to do something in person at some point, but 1 step at a time.
I think I'd be doing the same, or maybe even doing some mind games to mess with how the sensations are processed (making someone so sensitive that each lick feels like a knife's edge, or going into edging/gooning). Maybe some slight breath/fear play as the arms are tied?
I'm not at the stage where I'd be fed grapes while twisting my nipples to the sight of the scene, although I'd like to try that some time ;)