5d ago

Jurassic World Rebirth (2025)

sxy.xyz /movies/jurassic-world-rebirth-2025

Watching this parade of nonentities blunder through one half-hearted peril after another, I found myself, heretic that I am, rooting for the xenomorph-T-Rex bastard, if only in hope of a mass extinction event that would put both humans and script out of their misery. The storyline stumbles about like a sedated raptor, random, twitchy, and never quite threatening. Not even the prospect of “heart disease miracle drugs” can raise the pulse.

Did anyone enjoy Jurassic World Rebirth? I would really like to hear what you liked about it.

8 comments

Eminently forgettable. I saw it earlier this week and am already struggling to recall details. It felt like a Netflix flick.
Mostly I was left wondering why the pilot in Dominion who felt like such an obvious future for the franchise, has been dropped and forgotten.
In my head canon, Michael Crichton made one more JP script before he died, realized women could be just as meaningful and competent characters as men, and wrote a script around the pilot. Wise absolutely had action film lead energy.
- That's a rather dramatic re-imagination of Michael Chriton, but I'm willing to hallucenate this with you!
In my opinion, it was better than the last two, but I hated the last two.
As the seventh (7TH!!!) film in the franchise, it has the exact same issues as Star Wars Episode VII. Slavish devotion to the formula of the original and afraid to take too many risks. Why was the family even there? They were separated for so much of the runtime and the storyline didn't even really intertwine, it was just space filler.
I appreciated the body horror dinosaur, but they didn't even do enough with it, just a big baddie in reserve for the climactic scare.
At this point, if you really want to keep the series going (debatable), get fucking crazy with it: "We built the dinosaur park in the one location they could never escape, THE MOON! Oh no they escaped! Wait, are those raptors actually wielding laser guns?! Pew pew!"
- Yesssssss. Jurassic Star Wars VIII!! Sith Raptors and Jedi Allosaurus.
  
  I for one welcome Jurassic Park shifting gears to the Deathworlders/Salvage universe
The movie is baaaaaddddd. Can we please give good roles to women and people of color? Please!
Halfway through, I expected the Rock to show up in a tan shirt, punching alien dino. Spoiler but don't worry, you won't care.
- Can we please give good roles to women and people of color?
  Agreed. Yes, please. Though Michael Crichton material is low on the list of places that will happen. Mr. "What are you talking about about my women characters aren't multi-dimensional? I never mentioned that secretary characters chest size so of course she will sound flat".

8 comments