what’s a porn thing u tried in real life and immediately regretted?

I learned my lesson with just one attempt at thinking porn was real. My wife has a good friend who was out of a relationship and was itching to get fucked. My wife asks if I mind. You know my answer. They are both bent over the edge of our bed and I am supposed to do them both doggy. Sounded great but it was a lot of work. The wife cums quickly so I pump her first. But she continues to stay in position as I enter her friend. The friend takes a bit more work but she also cums. Now I don't know where to finish. I want to finish in the friend just because it's different. So I reach over and start fingering my wife's ass as I explode into her friend. This was never discussed prior to starting but now both of them are annoyed that I came in the friend and not my wife

Bondage, with ropes specifically. Nothing sexier than trying to tie someone up while watching a tutorial on youtube on it and permanently skipping back/forth, because it is not quite clear how things happened. 10/10 mood killer. I think my rope play kink died that night.

Haha, I actually love that dynamic though. (Quality time learning skills together is super sexy!) Eventually you don’t need the tutorials any more, of course, and the flow gets better.
You gotta prepare!

Standing 69. Managed it for about 3 secs, then my knee buckled and ended slamming both of us into the wall. We tried to keep going, but it wasn't going anywhere.

Extremely athletic poses are great for showing off but not for getting off.

Shower sex. Its not really just a porn thing but shower sex is highly overrated IMO lol. Water is the enemy of bodily produced lube, and if you're trying to be all spontaneous and sexy like in the movies it just turns into the wettest "dry" mess ever. Unless she's already just abslotely gushing or you keep a bottle of water resistant lube in the shower, I prefer to leave the fucking for outside the tub 😅. Plus then you oil or lube in the floor and your gonna slip and break a hip. That being said getting/giving head works better, granted waterboarding yourself can become an issue. 😋

Agreed! Wife's favorite porn is shower stuff, despite knowing exactly how awful it really is. This and pools are the same to me. I actually hate all that type of porn myself, lol.
Shower is awesome but just for foreplay, so much skin contact and massaging possible and then you fuck in the bathroom because you didnt reach the bedroom
Sex in the ocean, pool, lake, whatever, just sucks for everyone.
- Not the fish! They get free food and a show! 🤩

You know those crazy Japanese videos where they cover a woman in gallons of lube, ruin her nice outfit, and go to town while everyone is all slimy?

So, sure it's fun. Like stupid, giggly fun, but it's also hard to get any traction, it's distracting when it gets in your ears and nose, and it's super, super hard to clean up. Like two showers just to get it all out of her hair.

We tried it a few times. The fantasy was fun to fulfill, but the sex was kinda meh, so not really worth the effort to make it a regular thing.

are you 2 or more?
- I don't follow...

Going in dry.

My ass still hurts.

Dry anal?? 😵😵😵
Unless it's actual painal, there's always some preapplied lube in there, it's just high production porn does not want to show any lubing procedure (unless they're sponsored by a lube company).

Always have a safe word.

Mine is, "meatloaf".

Because he would do anything for love, but he won't do that?
- Exactly.
Mine is any weird word. If we're fooling around and you say "eggplant Tamagotchi naruto hentai' that is a good clue that something is wrong and therefore everything else needs to come to a halt until the issue is dealt with.
- No disrespect, but: yikes! Safewords are not about "clues". A safeword means, "I no longer consent." It has actual legal and moral consequence. Something you make up on the spot cannot bear that kind of load, it has to be explicitly agreed upon. Or it's not a safeword!
  I don't know why everybody doesn't just use "red". A large enough portion of practitioners already use it, and it's incredibly helpful to have a universal safeword. Say it loud and clear, at least three times. I repeat it until my partners all say it back. Fuck around with everything else ("no mean yes, Celsius means Kelvin") but this is the place where clarity is essential for everyone's safety, not just the bottom.

CNC. Her idea.

She started crying almost immediately, which brought the whole thing to a stop.

It was not fun for anyone.

Never again.

Computer Numerical Control CNC stands for Computer Numerical Control. It refers to the automated control of machining tools, such as drills and lathes, using a computer. This process involves inputting coded instructions into a computer, which translates the code into precise movements for the cutting tools.
BROTHER WHAT DID YOU DO
Either you have a kink for Computer Numerical Control machines or I'm misunderstanding the acronym.
- M00 is my safe word. Though I'll also accept M01 - M04
- Brother, in retrospect, honestly, wish we were talking about G-code because G-code is something worth crying over, but no.
- I almost don't want to shatter your bubble. Consensual Non-Consent. Means that one partner can take the other partner at any time without warning. And I had the similar situation as the comment you replied to. She wanted to until I picked her up over my shoulder and carried her to the bedroom.
Had to look it up, pretty hard to watch 😬
CNC is consensual non-consent, ie fake rape.
- It's what some people are into and it requires a lot of trust. Fair enough of it's not your thing

Cumming on her face, yes it feels hot at the moment but it just turns into a hot mess that needs cleaning up

Doesn't sound like too much of a problem to me!

Sleeping partner (consensual) I just assumed they would wake up and it will turn into more regular sex but at some point I realized that I can basically do to them whatever I want and they just wouldn't wake up. It made me feel like it's rape 😖

Since then I have a rule that if they don't wake up after a bit, I quit and go to sleep too 😅

If you are in Canada, delete this post. You've just confessed to rape under Canadian law. When a person falls unconscious, all sexual consent is revoked; you cannot consent to have sex while you are asleep. There have been cases where police heard about and criminalized what all participants considered to be consensual sex because of this legal principle. It does not require someone "pressing charges", the police can do this on their own volition.
- Yeah, I get that, but also fuck that. If two people consent to do something that won't cause harm then the government, any government, can keep their grubby hands out of it.
  If one of the participants decides to go rogue or off script that is another thing but if two consenting adults agree that "if I'm sleeping I'm all game" then that is what they get to do. Consent can also be revoked at any time, so if the person wakes up and says no, then that's a no. Until then I don't need any government in my sex life.
- Good to know 😵
  But not from canada, also I doubt Lemmy is on the radar right now 😅

Hard fast and rough, like safe words level. It's just not me. There is a level of internal guilt like emotions after that I just don't like. Maybe from growing up always being much larger than friends and partners. I can be loud and scary to many people but I'm just not violent by nature and anything that resembles violence is distasteful to me. I have too much empathy holding me back.

I havent tried stuff like that but I imagine I'll feel similarly. But I'll have to try to find out

Either sex on the beach because of sand, or creampie while not on birth control because of a pregnancy scare

sounding, I think what I used was too big, but it burned and my urethra was sore for a few days

yoga D O N T

I screwed your mom, only to find out it was actually your dad in drag.

😂

/s

Edit: What, you think I'd actually answer this question to strangers online?

Ostensibly yeah. This is the ask NSFW community, so it's kinda like the whole point.
- Gotcha. I just checked the community guidelines, and of note it says to avoid low effort, memes and jokes.
  I'll avoid posting comments here anymore, apologies to the community and the mods.
Why not. You've probably sent it in a SMS text before and that is basically the same thing. There's some pervert like google that probably owns and sells everything you've ever digitized in any form to any of the most voyeuristic incorporated privateer pirate criminal organizations on the planet. Why be taboo with fellow digital slaves with no real ability to extort, exploit, target, or manipulate?
- Nope, I don't share those sorts of things online, it does nothing for me. Don't get me wrong, I've had my share of private fun, few regrets actually, but I simply don't see any reason or arousal in sharing anything personal like that online.
  When I do happen to share dirty thoughts online, they're basically silly bad humor trolling satire.
I'm pretty sure in this kind of community most people post their stories from special accounts registered specifically for this. Luckily, Lemmy makes it very easy to register a dozen of accounts on a dozen of instances.