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4 comments

  • I need the motivation to paint. I know how, I'm good at it, I even used to enjoy it. I just can't do it.

    All the while The Project is hanging on the wall above my desk, unfinished and taunting me.

    I know if I put it away somewhere it will be lost to a portfolio of doom, never to be seen again. So it has to stay on the wall.

    It has been on the wall for a very long time now.

  • Define "not know." Skills? Nah, got those. Motivation? Maybe. Even that is a funny thing. I kinda feel like I have been unmotivated for something like a month and a half, but I'm protecting myself while testing a new med rigorously without distractions that might obscure my perception of the effects. So lots of creative ideas shelved until I'm ready to play - is more apropos... and play seems actually on the menu lately, like my days are actually feeling longer and more capable, which is a remarkably inhuman like experience with a clear mind.

    • I think the difficulty and motivation are related. A lot of cool, creative things I want to do are difficult. Not just to be the best or professional at them, but often to even get any personal value out of it. I might want to play guitar, but it’s not really fun to just randomly strum and not get any music out of it, so before I can even get that basic enjoyment out of it, I need to spend a lot of time being bad to learn and practice. And that takes a LOT of motivation. Meanwhile I can get moderate enjoyment out of something simple like watching a show or playing a game I’m already familiar with without much effort or uncertainty, but there’s kind of a cap on how much I can get out of that.

      It also doesn’t help that I have a few of these skill heavy interests and they don’t necessarily overlap in skills. So I have trouble picking anything because all of them take commitment to spend time and effort on uncertain, unfun work, with no guarantee of payoff. How long do I give to something I’m not enjoying before I give it up to try something else? If I do that for all of them I’ll end up not getting to the fun part of any of them. It’s paralyzing.

      • My biggest problem is finishing advanced projects. I learn a ton but once I feel like the lesson has stuck I struggle to slog through the last 10-15% to finish the project. I just don't care. I'm not doing the thing because of any ego. I only really care about the self growth and discovery. I end up needing the things I have started, but they kinda stack up and I struggle to find the motivation to get back into them, often just because I have grown so much since then that I lament where I was at back then and want to start over more than finish what is already nearly completed.