I'm going to die

So this happened in the middle of summer vacation. The guy we had been talking about for months didn’t even live in my apartment complex. We were talking a lot but he didn’t come over, he blocked us so we kept talking about it. This is our only regular chat but it didn’t change the fact that he didn’t want to come over. We talked more in between times but he always blocked me so I couldn’t talk. It was in between days. So the next day I went back and I asked him why he blocked me? He told me he wanted to go to his house but he had a family emergency, which meant I had to stay here. I said I wanted to see him to see if he can find a job so I texted him to come over. He responded the next day that he would be back on Saturday so he could give me a call. So I left an hour late. The next day, we had a family emergency. It’s the same thing I was talking about last year, the same reason that I blocked him last year. I asked him why he blocked me and he said he wanted to go to my place so he can play hockey and drink but he wanted to see if I could stay at his place and talk more. We haven’t had a conversation about the situation since and I’m starting to feel really mad and sick that I can’t talk about it. I feel so ashamed and a bit of an idiot.