Asklemmy @lemmy.ml

1y ago

You've been instantly teleported two feet to the left. How does this affect you?

231 comments

The pocket of air that was where you teleported now get displaced at a very decent fraction of the speed of light while the pocket of space you once ocupied becomes a almost pure vaccum. the air moves so fast it creates a sonic boom that ruptures the ear drums. Then, a few atoms of air collide together with such incredible force the atoms split and causes a small grade nuclear explosion.
- Assuming
  cylindrical human, 2m tall, 25 cm diameter.
  air displaced from the point you teleport to is instantly moved to form a monolayer (1 molecule thick) on your surface.
  The displacement of air is adiabatic (no heat is transferred, which will be true if the displacement is instantaneous)
  Volume of displaced air: ≈ 100L = 0.1m^3 At atmospheric conditions: ≈ 4 mol
  Surface area of cylindrical human: ≈ 1.58 m^{2
  Diameter of nitrogen molecule (which is roughly the same as for an oxygen molecule) : ≈ 3 Å
  Volume of monolayer: ≈ 4.7e-10 m}3
  Treating the air as an ideal gas (terrible approximation for this process) gives us a post-compression pressure of ≈ 45 PPa (you read that right: Peta-pascal) or 450 Gbar, and a temperature of roughly 650 000 K.
  These conditions are definitely in the range where fusion might be possible (see: solar conditions). So to the people saying you are only "trying to science", I would say I agree with your initial assessment.
  I'm on my phone now, but I can run the numbers using something more accurate than ideal gas when I get my computer. However, this is so extreme that I don't really think it will change anything.
  Edit: We'll just look at how densely packed the monolayer is. Our cylindrical person has an area of 1.58 m^{2, which, assuming an optimally packed monolayer gives us about 48 micro Å}2 per particle, or an average inter-particle distance of about 3.9 milli Å. For reference, that means the average distance between molecules is about 0.1 % of the diameter of the molecules (roughly 3 Å) I think we can safely say that fusion is a possible or even likely outcome of this procedure.
  
  Surface area of cylindrical human
  How to spot a mathematician/physicist.
  
  Can confirm, as a cylindrical human, 2m tall, 25 cm diameter.
  
  Thank you for taking the time to do the actual calculations, you are a legend!
  
  Oh, you're assuming a monolayer. Yeah, you're right then. I thought you were talking about the vacuum end and the air was magic-ed out in a more orderly fashion at the other end.
- This guy sciences.
  
  I mean, no. That's not enough energy to cause nuclear stuff. This guy tried sciencing, which I still respect in the context of a goofy scenario, I guess.
  
  Nah, just reads too much XKCD.
- I assume it's a switcharoo scenario. Otherwise where does the air in my new location go?
- I'm wet and sitting on the tile floor. I'm cold :(
- Why would air displace so quickly?
  
  Instantly moving any kind of mass in the context of physics means moving it super close to the speed of light (well actually, it would have to be faster than the speed of light for truely instant which opens up a can of worms all its own so lets just say really really close to instant, as close as the universe lets you get without inviting FTL time paradoxes) which would impart insane amounts of momentum energy that has to transfer to the air it pushes.
  That supercharged almost-speed-of-light air needs to go somewhere (unless were talking about the kind of teleportation where atoms get transposed into each other in which you just skip to the nuke step).

I'm pooping next to my toilet, inside this wall. The tp roll is in my belly.
- Now there are three of us
- Same. There is also a handicap rail through my sternum.
- (This is the exact scenario that occurred to me.)
  
  Same, minus the pooping and being inside a wall. But I did eat a roll of toilet paper once. (/j) (I have never eaten a roll of toilet paper, yet)

I have simultaneously merged with my desk. My bowels have been displaced and are now bisected with bamboo. I feel simultaneously ripped apart and yet stuck and solid. Every point of my being is as though it has been engulfed in flames. My existence and identity has now become insufferable pain. I feel an impending sense of doom at a foreign body now lodged inside of me.
There are no wounds for me to bleed from and I cannot gasp for air to scream. My spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks and my ears feel as though they are being stuffed with cotton. An internal white hot pressure feeling erupts up my now-fractured spine until it reaches the back of my head and radiates towards my forehead. My peripheral vision looks like static and everything appears to shake. I am unable to make sense of anything and everything goes dark and still.
U killed me op wow
- my spinal cord has been severed and I feel hot prickles on my cheeks...
  I read that as hot pickles and got realllllllly confused until I reread it.
- me too, thanks for writing this so i didn't have to
- Really impressive that you typed this comment. RIP.
  
  They could have become a prolific horror writer but instead they've been desk-integrated.

welp, I'm not sitting on a tram anymore

I'm now having an uncomfortable moment with the airline passenger in seat 26A.

I continue pooping in the next stall over.
- Is it occupied?
  
  If not before, it is now

I'm shitting in the shower.
- Aw! I'm shitting in the sink!
  
  I'm squatting on the landing at the top of the stairs and now need to shuffle off in shame to get some TP for my bunghole.
- I’m shitting inside my vanity but also have the vanity inside me so I’m pretty sure I’m dead.
  10 minutes ago I’d have been rolling on the freeway at 69mph. So dead either way I guess.

I am now shitting in the sink.

I'm now shitting in my bathtub....
- Wooo! I'm now shitting in my shower. There's dozens of us!

I move into a space occupied by my desk, thus taking 3d10 force damage before moving to the next unoccupied space.
- Weird. I also move into a space occupied by my desk, but a Fey mood takes hold of me and I grab the left corner of the table with my left nostril and wrestle it into an oak masterpiece which I then sell to an Elf, just to piss him off.

Inside my boyfriend, for once.
- Not with that attitude
- A true gamer never pleasures their spouse.

I’m now in the lap of the guy in the stall next to me.
- "Well hello there, come here often? Let me get that for you..."

I've now telefragged my colleague.
- Still counts!

Does the cat on my tummy come with me? If not Cheddar says that this expirement violates the cat sitting treaty of 1669
- We only made that damn treaty because they promised to chase off the rats during the last bout of the Plague. We've had it twice more since then, lazy furballs.
  
  Maybe we should stop forcefully removing cats from the locations people gather the most. Grocery stores. Churches. Places of business. Maybe the Egyptians knew a thing or two about keeping the Gods happy.
  Edit for the downvoter: maybe you didn't get the joke, but Egyptians basically worshipped cats. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cats_in_ancient_Egypt

I am now sitting on the wing of a plane that is about to take off. Gonna try to Tom Cruise it. Will post updates soon.

I'm now pooping on the floor. Thanks.
- Me too! Hi floor poop buddy.
- https://youtu.be/XpuYzp2Sa68?si=U2Ry597k0_Qw-4mM

I telefrag the guy sitting next to me on the train

Well now I'm sitting in a different chair. And I don't like that chair as much. 😡

Don't know, I don't know how much two feet is.
- It's approximately a third of a Smoot.
  
  So around 3,33 bananas
- 3.5 feet to a meter
- Bro just look down. Unless you're an amputee, then idk
- 2/3 meter

Fall out of my chair, but otherwise unaffected as I end up on the floor.

I'm reading this while laying on my right side in my bed. So I suppose I bounce on the bed then. Seems fun!
- I fell off mine :(

Still sitting on my couch
- Right side couch gang rise up
  
  On contemplation of the left side of the couch, I would be entangled in two pissed off cats willing to use their claws on me for the crime of sitting on them.
  
  Nah man. My couch is comfortable. I ain't get'n up. I raised a fist in solidarity though.

I am now sitting in the chair next to me. This is mildly inconvenient.

I'm standing in a box. I am now a cat.

Hmm, well the railing of my bed would well... be railing me.

I hover briefly in the air, next to my bed, and hold up a sign that says "uh oh" before I fall a couple feet to the ground onto carpet. I might hit my head on the nightstand, but I feel like I got off easy compared to most other people.

I'm sitting on top of the bin of laundry I need to fold.

I'm suddenly on the outside of a bus on the motorway. Probably dead or at least badly injured.

I’ll have a window seat at 30k feet and the person seated to my left will be free fallin’ for a while.

hovers in air next to sofa, looks down, looks at camera, holds up sign saying "uh oh" and plummets two feet to the floor creating a puff of dust on impact

Not much, I'm just lying on the other side of the bed. Although my pillow has been replaced with a garbage bag.

Whose left? Mine?
- Let’s say, universal left.
  
  My universal left or your universal left?

Woah, lemmy is for shiters.

i just fell off the bed ouch
- Same here
- Same, but I'm stuck in the small gap between the bed and the wall

Taking a crap in the hallway

Yay, I'm in bed now! Good thing, I was getting eepy.
- sl you dropped this

I have been bisected by a table
- Closet for me

Fusioning with the atoms of the wall next to me. So parts would stay me, others would just transform into very high density stone or something. The meat may fall off or needs to be cut off, luckily my head would be completely inside the wall.

Thanks, I'm now pooping in the shower ...
- Waffle stomp!
  
  Nooo I didn't need to know this 😂

I would be rather sad since I would be sitting next ro my chair on the floor instead of un my chair. My coffee would also be out of reach. I would be sad.

I live in the wall now.

I would be spooning my dog who is on the other end of the couch. If this was a competition I’d submit my outcome for winner or at least most wholesome. Some of y’all’s are definitely more funny though.

I am now sitting in a different chair at the same table. I continue browsing Lemmy on my phone.

If this involves some kind of adjustment of orientation, then I will be doing an early Father Christmas act and coming down from where I have appeared halfway up the chimney (being generous about how wide that chimney is). If it doesn't, then I am going to be part of the brickwork - except for my guts and arse, which will rot in place in the chimney over the next few weeks.
- I’m reminded of this