Don’t assume your child will be your caregiver as you age, expert warns

My partner's evangelical mother is constantly bemoaning the fact that none of her seven children who are now well into adulthood have had any kids of their own yet. She tries to argue that there will be nobody to look after them when they're old and most if not all of the siblings agree that's a profoundly selfish reason to bring people into this world.

I see this as a reflection of a society-wide problem of seeing other humans as a means toward an end and where relationships have transactional implications.

asians expect this out of thier children, but if they arnt in a career, they constantly badger how "terrible" they are compared to this "x person whos earning more money". sorry you spent to much time not fostering growth. theres a difference between working so much, to the point your children dont have the tools to functionally normally as an adults.

Fairly common sense, imo.

You shouldn't even assume your kids actually like you.

I think that's pretty irrelevant, I personally don't have enough time in the day to take care of anyone else
- Few people have.
  At the end of the day responsibility for another person only really falls on whoever chose it. Like, if you chose to have kids, you're responsible for them. But kids never chose their parents, thus they aren't responsible for them.
- This. Kids have jobs living pay cheque to pay cheque, they won't have time for elder care

Jokes on you, I am never having kids.

And for the few kids in the generation taking care of you, will have to work like slaves to provide sub-par care.
That part will suck.
- We could just tax the rich...
- Not having kids means I can afford to retire comfortably.

I warn my parents about this too

Why would a parent even want this? The one's I know would sacrifice anything for the future generations of their family. They shouldn't have to, granted, but who's out there draining their descendants?
- BC has a whole host of subsidized programs for this. My elderly father lives with me, and it's no burden at all. He has homecare workers that come three times a day, to take care of his basic needs, and it's all paid for by a percentage of his disposable monthly income.
  If he ever gets to the point where he needs more than what we can take care of at home, then he goes to a care home, which will be paid for by a larger percentage is f his monthly disposable income.
- My wife does companion care for old folks in care homes. She fills a spot where family isn't involved so that the elderly person has somebody to talk to, take them outside, bring their favourite meal, celebrate their birthdays etc. She said its sad how many people are in there just left to rot, since they aren't mobility safe, or may have declining mental function.
- You don't want trophy kids?

Lol, fuck that! 96% of people plan to grow old in place?

My parents only had highschool diplomas, could afford life on 1 salary, had a couple kids, a house close to the city, 2 cars, a cottage and relatively early retirement, but they did not put THAT kind of money aside for private homes or in-house support.

One thing's for sure: I won't have enough money, rooms, food or water to take care of them too...

My sister is my mother's main caregiver. Better her than me. She inherits the house and most of the assets and will have more than earned it.

I find it wild this is even an expectation. I have never expected this.

With you on this. It never crossed my mind to expect anyone to take care of me just because we are related by blood

On the contrary, we should normalize the concept of the greater family again. Having grandparents help with our young kids solves a lot of modern issues for a family where both parents work, and I will of course do everything to aid my elderly parents as they now age.

We built a house for them on our property in preparation for this. When the time comes (soon), they won't need to rely on shitty gov workers.

My in laws have driven in from 40mins away to babysit so my partner and I can have some peace and attend biweekly counseling. I’m so grateful.
My own parents whinge about me not going over to their place more often and make fun of the state of my DIY house. They constantly complain about their giant empty house and that they can’t find reliable contractors to do unnecessary remodels and renovations.
Guess who is getting all the visits they want when it comes times for assisted living.
This would have been possible if boomers hadn’t decided to destroy human civilization instead.
- I'm in Sweden. Human civilization is all good here.
- Please. It’s not about boomers as you can see that most people are not recycling, etc. etc. etc. and haven’t been since pretty much forever to this day.
  Remember, please, that this is a war between the billionaires and the rest of us. Don’t let them win.
That happens after wealth redistribution.
Families gathered around their wealth, not each other.
Yep.
3 kids. They each and all want us.
Life isn't linear. One can't make 'plans', as this expertise keeps insisting. One may be aware of 'options', but one never knows until one is faced with it, irl.
You don't need a gazillion dollars in retirement savings, either. You won't be sailing on personal yachts meeting your friends for afternoon tea on Easter Island.

A corollary: Do not assume you want your child to be your caregiver in your old age, as they will not necessarily be inclined to do anything in the way you would prefer.

One of my partner's relatives has a progressive disease and she definitely doesn't want her kids upending their lives to be her carers. As she puts it "I didn't raise them and pay for their education just for them to end up changing my diapers".