be gay, do crimes (in space)

Lesbians... Those bitches be (statistically) crazy

FWIW, she was cleared and her ex-wife charged with making false statements.

So there's never been crime in space?
Wonder who will be first
This shouldn’t be omitted from the meme. Astronauts are some of the most level-minded people in this world, given the risks they face every moment.
I don’t think jealousy or insecurity would be a common occurrence given how busy they are.
- Didn't they used to be pulled from test pilots?
- Actually, there was a high profile and notorious case of a female NASA astronaut and Naval officer named Lisa Nowak, who was placed on trail and convicted of felony burglary and misdemeanor assault charges. This all stemmed from an affair she was having with a fellow astronaut named Bill Oefelein, who both of them were married to different people at the time.
  When Bill decided to call the affair off and started to see another woman, an Air Force Captain named Colleen Shipman. Lisa had an emotional breakdown and after her own marriage had failed. Planned on possibly kidnapping Colleen. She was eventually arrested at Orlando International Airport that she had followed Colleen to. Besides the criminal convictions listed above, she was dismissed from NASA and demoted in rank and forcibly retired from the Navy.
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_Nowak
  There are exceptions to the whole level minded thing.
- Yeah but what the hell am I supposed to do woth this novel drsft Lesbian Space Criminal Lovers now?
  Why was I not told sooner the story was a lie???

I thought some of the Apollo astronauts were illegally enriching themselves by selling a service where they would take people's stuff to the moon in their private gear allowance, and then give it back.

The Apollo 15 crew got in trouble for something like that, postage stamps I think.
Smuggling moon rocks back to Earth to be sold on the black market is also pretty lucrative iirc.

Fully Automated Luxury Gay Space Identity Theft doesn't quite have the same ring to it

Best band name ever.
- I think that makes for a better album name
- Headlining this Friday night! With special guest Gay Zombie Super Soldiers! $10 at the door, 21 and up, doors open at 8pm.
- "Falgsith" for short
Wait when did it change from laser to luxury I missed the update
- Welcome to the future, old man

Bringing "Be Gay Do Crime" to another level

Your Honor, with all due respect, my client can only be put on trial by a space judge and a jury of her space peers

Is ISS network traffic monitored? Because if it is, this was a really dumb crime.

Even without monitoring, it probably has a unique IP/subnet that shows the traffic came from the ISS. And the financial institution is definitely recording IPs.
To my understanding, she wasn't determined to have actually committed it, just was accused
- Yup:
  The claims were later found to be false, and McClain was cleared.[28] On April 7, 2020, Worden was indicted on two charges of making false statements.
Please tell me this entire thing wasn't an elaborate add for NordVPN.
- OnBoard VPN
It's probably fully recorded. Everything in and out.
That way if there's a mishap it's possible to go back and reconstruct the entire sequence or to replay high fidelity simulations of the network traffic at the equipment to reproduce problems.
Probably safe to assume that it is.

Straight female astronaut drove 900 miles to confront her rival.

https://www.biography.com/musicians/lisa-nowak-lucy-in-the-sky

Yeah but she wasn't in space just had a space diaper.
- Distinction without a difference. If you're wearing the space diaper you're basically experiencing everything there is to experience about space.
There's also an astronaut currently in jail for, I think, manslaughter? Killed someone while drunk driving? Question mark?
- Man, if you get run over by a rocket, even if the drivwr is drunk, I feel like its your own damn fault. Those suckers are huge.

Didn't someone already commit theft in space?

Yeah, she stole my heart
- username checks out
There was also the hole drilled in the ISS. AFAIK, nobody was ever held responsible but it was definitely vandalism at least.
- That was in a soyuz and the leading theory on that was it was done on the ground
- Was it ever confirmed to be intentionally drilled? Last I heard, they were still in the “it could have simply been a piece of space dust moving insanely fast” part of the investigation.

smash the patriachy by being the first criminal in space.

Sounds like there may be a jurisdiction problem.

Is space international waters? Does anything go?

Ships in intl waters are still governed by the laws of their flag state. I don't see why this wouldn't also apply to the ISS as a US-flagged vessel
Edit: I assume the modules are flagged differently. I imagine Zvezda and the Soyuz's are flagged Russian, etc. or maybe the ISS is jointly flagged under US and Russian laws at the same time. Or the laws of the citizens home country is applied individually or something.
- Are you saying that the simpsons lied to me?