Forgiving someone who isn’t sorry isn’t necessarily strength. You allowing them to do that shit by forgiving them ain’t strong imo. Moving on from that person is a much stronger thing to do
41Forgiving isn't necessarily allowance, it's unburdening yourself of the emotional weight the wrong has done to you. It's possible to forgive someone for doing you wrong while still seeking justice, in fact doing that is the purest form of seeking justice, removal of the emotional investment of vengeance from the equation.
The wrongs you've done to others are the chains that bind you, but the wrongs you refuse to forgive are the chains that hold you to the person who wronged you, even after justice and atonement and even reconciliation, you won't be free until you've let go of it yourself.
18You don't allow others to do anything.
Chances are they aren't going to change because you get pissed about. You're just going to waste you energy on it. Like arguing on here or Reddit.
It's much less effort to just let things go.
11Letting go and forgiving are 2 different things. Letting go is allowing yourself to move on from what happened, which is good. Forgiving is saying that they are no longer accountable for what happened, which is good if they've realized that they did you wrong and have made steps to prevent it from happening in the future, but otherwise is just letting them off the hook for something they'll likely continue to do.
Forgiveness is a gift you give to someone to show they've grown as a person, and shouldn't be given to someone who hasn't grown enough to realize what they did was wrong. In that event, absolutely allow yourself to let go and move on, but to not give the other person the gift of forgiveness if they haven't earned it.
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Yeah. If they're not sorry, then they don't think what they did was bad, and have no reason to stop doing it in the future, so forgiving them for it makes no sense - it's just giving them the power to continue mistreating you without consequence. Get away from them, prevent them from continuing to hurt you, then accept that it happened and move on, but don't give them forgiveness they don't yet deserve.
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Nah. Real strength is holding them accountable even when someone else demands you forgive them no matter how horrible their actions.
Accountability and justice require more real strength than easy, selfish, lazy, cowardly forgiveness.
14Worth noting that holding a grudge and holding someone accountable are not the same thing, you can do one without the other.
9Tell that to the people who demand others forgive.
Of course, that's assuming there's something wrong with holding a grudge, which of course there isn't.
There is definitely something wrong when people who demand forgiveness purposefully equivocate the two so they can accuse victims, when they're at their most vulnerable, of holding a grudge when they call out everyone else for refusing to hold bullies or abusers or whatever accountable for their actions.
That's all their silly rhetoric is about. If you were abused and you are angry or sad about it and want whoever hurt you punished, you're the one doing something wrong, because it is not actions that they care about -- actions are, of course, expected to be forgiven -- but reactions are, because people who reject the paradigm are a threat to their little rape culture.
Meditate on that before you speak next time.
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Everything depends on the situation. There is no one right answer.
To give an example, lets say a person who has about a week left due to some incurable disease does something offensive to you. Will you go about asking for accountability or forgive them?
It depends on how offensive the action was VS what the state of the person who did the action is. Regardless, you'll need strength, either to hold accountable or to forgive the person.
Either could be the right choice, but I'm saying life is not black and white, it's mostly gray situations and people trying to call it black or white.
6Actually, that example is a perfect example of why forgiveness is a terrible thing most of the time.
It is a clearly fictional scenario built on imaginary foundations with the explicit purpose of emotionally manipulating other people into accepting unacceptable, egregious abuse,
Someone who is a week away from dying being purposefully abusive to those around them is someone who has always been abusive to the subject in question and is someone who the victim should not only have put in their place earlier in life but probably couldn't, is also someone the victim should have simply abandoned to nursing home care in the first place. But again, the victim likely could not have as they were being abused their whole lives.
I know this because I work with the elderly. I see the sad stories play out every day. A lot of people in nursing homes are there because they deserve to be.
And you know they were able to get away with abusing their victims all their lives?
Because of dumb fucks like you trying to emotionally bludgeon everyone else into accepting forgiveness.
There are very few times in life when it's worth it to forgive someone and that "very few" is only there so I can show everyone else I am right when you exploit it to try to shove the issue down my throat like you do to myself and other abuse survivors. Or my clients and their kids. Or everyone else.
It literally doesn't matter what color life is. Forgiveness is a vice and a moral failing, especially for those who advocate it.
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Agreed.
Sometimes, not forgiving is like drinking poison and expecting the other to die. This is bs. This is passively holding a grude and forgiveness only helps you pass away the feeling. Leaving you open to 1) not learn how to deal with the situation and 2) setting yourself up for it happening again.
Strength is needed to be assertive and hold others accountable. Even more so, when doing it in a respectful manner.
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Forgive? Nah. Let go of the anger because they're not in the room right now? Sure.
9That's the kind of bs I don't want to hear until I've moved on. Remind me in 10 years.
6It's like when I see someone who only knows "literally" as an adverb. I downvote, and then move on. Nothing to forgive.
-4Wait, someone using "literally" as an adverb means they don't know how else to use the word?
3Permanently Deleted
1It's like when I downvote a prescriptivist
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