how's your week going, Beehaw

it's week 2 of 2024 and Holy Fuck Is It Windy Out There right now, oh god

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I am new here so I have stuff to share, but my big thing right now is...I have had a lot of unexplained chest pain for a long time, and I have a cardiologist that actually has an explanation and her treatment seems to be working, also it seems to be going a long way to helping my depression in a bonus win.

pretty great! had my first agility lesson of the new year with the pups, and they rocked it. got a crate for the incoming foster dog (her name is coco, pics next week). got together with some bike/camp folks and planned our next campout and longer day ride. got to see the fellowship of the ring (extended edition) at the theater. played a first session of a tabletop game called wickedness.
i need to stop being so busy, but at least it’s good busy. 😮‍💨
- had my first agility lesson of the new year with the pups, and they rocked it.
  Lucky you! Mine did every obstacle exactly once and then was like "look, now you know that I could do it if I wanted, can I go now."
  Don't forget the pics!
  
  i always pick dogs i think will enjoy it, since it's my main reason for having dogs, hehe. my last dog (passed away last year) was the only one i've owned who didn't really enjoy agility on any level. she was my professional couch potato. she was also much more chill than my other two agility nerds.

We're suppose to have our first big snow storm of the season, starting today. 4-6 inches (~10-15cm) or more. Currently only like an inch of snow. That said, as is often said in the Midwest: "It's really coming down out there."
More importantly, I told my boss, the CEO, about my job offer. I've had this job offer on the table for like the last 7mo, but the processing has taken forever (it's a government job). On Friday, he sent me an email that he's promoting me to a director (which was surprising to say the least). So I felt that I had to finally tell him. I didn't want for him to announce to everyone he's promoting me, only for me to be like "Yeah thanks bossman...I'm out. Cya!" I feel like that might humiliate him. Should I care? Maybe not. But he's been a good boss to me. I feel like I owe it to him to not put him in that position. I've worked for him for like 7yrs total and he's treated me well.
Obviously he's less than enthused, but he gets it. I've been trying to get to a government job for awhile and to move out of here and he knows this. This isn't my official notice; there's a chance that something happens and I lose the job offer. But at least he knows what's going on. He can figure out if he wants to put the promotion on pause or what.

Looking at the replies on that open ai thread, and how many of people are just going on rooting for ai companies just taking other people's work without their consent, is alarming, also probably signals that this community might not be for me.
Thank you for everything, and sadly I think I might leave beehaw altogether.
(cue snarky replies, like bye don't care, etc)
- I understand your sentiment, threads on generative AI get me all worked up as well. I couldn’t resist jumping into the fray and I did have the distinct impression that most users supporting OpenAI’s stance were originating from other Lemmy instances and that many Beehaw based users were against it. My humble opinion is that this specific thread is more representative of the Fediverse’s vibe than of Beehaw’s.
  I very much doubt you’ll get snark for your comment. That’s just not what Beehaw stands for. If you decide to hang in there some more, I suggest you pay attention to the commenters’ Lemmy instance. Beehaw embodies the hope for a caring web community, but the rest of the Fediverse doesn’t necessarily share the same ideals.
- Going to have a look. Not because I don't believe you, but because it seems so at odds with the usual vibe here that am wondering whether someone unleashed some bot accounts to push this stuff.
  If it is regular Beehaw members, that is for sure unnerving!
  EDIT: am too dumb at internet to find it. Tried a search (for "ai" to keep it broad), browsing local and looking at subscriptions which aren't totally incompatible places for such a topic, but coming up blank. Feel free to fling a link my way.
  
  Pretty sure it’s that thread: https://beehaw.org/post/10948276
- I've actually been having the same thoughts as you. It's always the pro-AI threads that make me feel this way, as the community is otherwise great. It is my sense that most of the pro-AI comments come from users elsewhere in the Fediverse, but... obviously they can still come here and argue about it, even when the majority of Beehaw is on the side of workers, and I don't see that changing any time soon.

There's a 50/50 chance I just got myself fired for standing up for myself at work, I'll find out on Tuesday when I go back in, I guess; it really doesn't matter to me anymore, I wasn't happy there, just stressed. If I'm not, then that's cool.
This is definitely the most euphoric I've felt in years, I think I'm going to celebrate with a trip to the beach and maybe look for some spots to skate. I think I'll start self advocating for myself more, too. I like this feeling.

I don't think my brain likes me much these days.
Admittedly, it used to like me a lot less, but for some reason I'm feeling a lot of shit that I haven't felt in a very long time.
It doesn't help that I have less physical and mental energy to deal with it than I used to, but I suppose the benefit of that is that I can't really muster up much of a reaction beyond "just... go fuck yourself" (to my negative emotions, not to any actual people).
Also, lol. Found out about a month ago that my psychiatrist just kind of fucked off, got married, left the country, sold her practice, and decided to tell literally none of her patients. Not even a simple email. "Irresponsible and dangerous" is an absolute understatement. I'm just lucky I had no particular attachment to her.
Although, apparently she told some colleagues like the day or week before, which is... something?
I didn't like her much, but she gave me my candy and now I have to find a new Willy Wonka.
Not many super choices, but maybe I'll find a decent confectioner. Have recs from my therapist (who's probably the most understanding person I've ever met and fucking fantastic at her job because of it), but might just take a look at this psych who took over the practice out of curiosity and just for funsies.
So, earlier than expected appointments I'm guessing it'll be for me. Yay. (Actually, I don't mind the earlier appointment with therapist, but psychiatrists are a different beast for me.)

oh, i guess i have two partners now and i forgot to mention that
- I'm interested in something like that too but lack experience with it.
  I'm wondering how you balance between letting things flow organically and sometimes forcing communication. Because I really value the former, but I feel extra communication might be required for poly.
  
  I've never dabbled in poly myself (just open relationships, which have some similar mechanics but a fundamentally different mindset), so the following is limited second-hand knowledge/opinion, but seeing as nobody else has replied...
  First of all I don't think there's a definite answer to your question, as 'poly' is an umbrella term for a lot of different constellations: does everybody date everybody or are people just allowed to have several unrelated partners, is everything fair game or are there things you're only supposed to do with your main partner (if there is one), how are new partners introduced, who can have sex with whom, do the same rules even apply to everybody involved, etc. There's no right or wrong, only "everybody involved is comfortable with this" or not.
  I myself haven't seen many poly constructs work out mid- to long-term, mainly for the same reason that many open relationships eventually fail: not everybody involved was equally enthusiastic about the open/poly part, and/or as mindful of their partner(s) ad the situation demands.
  Those I've seen succeed all have two things in common: very, very good communication and unconditional trust.
  One part of this is what some call "brutal honesty" - you talk about everything that might affect your feelings for each other - even, and especially, the things that may hurt your partner(s)'s feelings. This obviously demands a lot from everybody involved. You also need to accept the fact that your partner(s) will have feelings that may be hurtful to you but are still valid and good for them. For example you need to be genuinely happy for the person you love the most in the world when they fall in love with somebody new and/or have had better sex with them than with you. That's tough on many levels. It also means that there needs to be enough trust to accept and overcome jealousy and fear of loss.
  You also see how easily such a degree of trust can be abused. That abuse accounts for, hmm, probably 90% of all the failed poly and open situations I personally know of. It never works out when one partner just goes along with it in order not to (entirely) lose the other partner, which sadly happens alot and is not always obvious from the start.
  Funnily enough, a monogamous relationship would profit just as much from that kind of communication, only a monogamous break-up is generally more of an obstacle than a shift in a poly constellation (both for personal reasons and because of what society expects), and so monogamous constructs can be of a much lower quality before they're deemed unsustainable.
  I've also asked a close friend with poly experience what they think is important and will add their response here once they've replied.
- Congratulations, I presume?
  \ Is it a poly constellation or don't you have a name for it yet?
  
  Is it a poly constellation
  just a fairly straightforward arrangement where all three of us are dating each other

I've had a weird feeling all week and then I realized it felt like stability and security and that I haven't felt that since 2015.

This is week 2 of being back at work and it's nice to have some things I'm working on but also nice to not really have a lot on my plate and not expect a lot to be dropped on my plate anytime soon as everyone's just starting to emerge from their winter vacations.
I had a nice date the other night with another very non-binary person and there's something really special and nice about dating people who have so thoroughly rejected the gender binary. It's a special kind of trans in my heart, and I always find people like this so darn fascinating in terms of how they want the world to perceive them. Seems to have gone well, but they also seem to be very anti dating?? so I guess I'm lucky I made the cut? I have no idea where this is going, but they live nearby which is a plus
As an aside I'm so tired of dating apps and dating in general. People either have impossibly high standards or something about me just doesn't vibe with most people and like, I get it, but why does it have to be so exhausting? I just want to curl up in someone's lap and have them run their fingers thru my hair 😩
- Ugh. One of our 'kids' has been using various dating apps for a couple years, and all they did was make her depressed and me immensely grateful that I've never had to resort to any of them. They're such a carnival of vanities, people killing themselves to outbid each other with unnatural selfies photoshopped to faux perfection (while simultaneously assuming that every other person is naturally beautiful without filters).
  \ There should be a dating app or website with a strict ban on images that have been altered in any way.
  Good for you to have scored a date though! Fingers crossed that there will be a second one.
  
  I've been using a bunch for years. Honestly the vanities don't bother me the slightest. What bothers me is the way people treat them. First and foremost, the majority of people on these apps aren't even looking to date! They're looking to quell their anxiety about whether they are date-able, whether they can find a match in case their current partner dumps them, are curious and want a way to people watch, or just interested in the dopamine they get from swiping profiles. They can't find a healthy way to use them, so they use it for a little then delete the app because they find themselves addicted then reinstall months later when they find the urge. Or they mute all notifications and rarely open it, then feel bad when someone messaged them a week or two ago and decide it's better to just not respond. Or they just make a snap judgement over just a few words and refuse to give the other person any time of their day to respond and just ghost. Or they chat for awhile then forget they were chatting because they have no notifications, disappear for a month, then feel anxious about that and rather than apologize just pretend it didn't happen and delete the chat or match.
  It's just exhausting. I just want to meet people and see who I vibe with and I don't understand why so many people don't treat dating apps the same way.
- I've been debating picking up Tinder or something because I'm having a lot of trouble meeting people in the town I just moved to, but all the horror stories have me conflicted on whether I should even bother. 🙃
  
  I'd say pick it up and give it a whirl, just set your expectations very low

We're freezing over here in Britannia 🥶

Just like every other week of my life, it was mostly good and I had a lot of fun, but just one bad thing happened and that's all I clearly remember now.
This week I played games with my wife, we both made new friends, which we've been hoping for for a long time, went to an in game event and laughed our asses off about how crazy that got. It was really fun.
But then I got sick, severely injured my pinky toe and can't walk, and had a minor argument with my wife because I woke her up to ask what to do about it, even though I knew what to do already and my anxiety just made me not trust myself.
I really hope the good parts are the parts that stick in my head, but that's not usually how it goes with me.
- severely injured my pinky toe
  Aw man, that sucks both for its effects and for how much people underestimate the consequences. Did you stub it or cut it? Keep it snuggled up to the two toes next to it and make sure there's a steady supply of chocolate.
  
  Slammed it into my solid wood coffee table in the dark because I wasn't paying attention. Broke it, which is the second bone I've broken in my life. The first was the same toe, the same way.
  The toe is cursed I think.

I'm neutral, thanks for asking. Struggling between a heavy workload and leaping over my last university hurdle. The start of a new year is always a challenge, but one step at a time.
More immediately no one sick, hurt, dying, or dead. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

University spring term started again this week, and after being loaded down with three more assignments (including another group project), we also got the grades for one of last term's assignments. I am very, very pleased with mine - 81%, which probably only really means something to those familiar with UK degree-level grading, but I'm really proud of it (while simultaneously being mildly annoyed I couldn't do better). Last term's group project grades will be given next week (though we do know that everyone passed, which is 40% or higher), and I'm expecting that one to be quite a bit lower. I'd like something above 70%, but that feels a bit optimistic given what a disaster the project was.
I've mentioned on a number of occasions the guy who was on my team project whose combination of arrogance and laziness made him more of a hindrance than a help throughout the entire project. I had a bit of a blow up at him just before Christmas, the culmination of his obstructiveness, his chronic (but not terminal) verbal diarrhoea, and utter lack of ability to accept that no means no. ("Do not touch my laptop" is pretty explicit, and should not prompt an argument about how it's fine because he knows how to handle laptops.) Anyway, the outcome of this is that he's spent the whole week sulking in the corner of the room, not talking to anyone. He also ragequit the class Discord server over Christmas, and nobody even noticed he was gone until today when we were getting set up for the new group project. That's how much everybody likes him. I feel a little bad because I don't like it when someone feels like they're not welcome... even when they're genuinely not welcome because they're a dick.

I just purchased my first car today. I've never needed a car before because paying for Uber was cheaper, but now with my new job, transportation costs will be lower with a car.
I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I've heard about the stress that comes with driving, but never experienced it with a brand new car that I just purchased.
I'm also trying to find a good name for the car, but it should come to me in due time. Overall, I think it's worth it and that I'll hopefully feel less stressed the more I drive.
- My driving instructor always used to say "for all its faults, a car is still highly addictive", and he's totally right. But of course how much you enjoy driving it depends on where and how much you do that. Congrats anyway! What type of car is it, and what style of name did you have in mind?
  
  It's a Nissan Kicks SV, compact crossover, 122hp/FWD. I also chose it for storing my luggage when moving or traveling.
  I do like the noise it makes when accelerating and it reminds me of a small dog barking at something 5x it's size. The car feels light and smooth when driving, as well. I'm heading in that direction so, if you have any suggestions, let me know.

- We had quite the party here on the PNW coast. My power somehow didn't go out, though, so that's a win.

@alyaza windy here too. And snowy, and cold...
Just a few days ago you could tell it was spring!

It's been weirdly windy by me as well, normally the nights are pretty still even if it's raining but the last couple nights have been pushing me around!

It was ridiculously windy here today too! Getting back into the swing of things at work after some time off and trying to remind myself that I can only do so much at a time and the rest will have to wait.

I have the big sad.
- That sucks, Internet friend. Want to talk about it?
  
  You're very kind to offer. It's mostly just self-image stuff that will have to clear out in its own time. I've at least got an okay support structure, so I'm not going it alone.

... how is the week going. Well, beyond words.

I've got either a strong flu, or light COVID, which I seem to have caught somewhere along my visit to get some test at the hospital earlier in the week, coincidentally the day before masking became obligatory. I hate people without masks. 🤬

I'm mostly fine - still on holiday where it's too hot to do a lot, so I'm not doing much besides reading a lot and cooking once in a while. Wait, that's two things already, so I'm actually quite busy!
A friend of my stepdaughter's (and our inofficially adopted child) is here as well and even though we travel independently and just happen to be staying on the same small island for a while, she and a friend of hers seem to enjoy doing things with us old farts. It feels nice and like family.
Yesterday we've also learned that her first time happened when her then-boyfriend decided to take advantage of her being too drunk to say no or fight back. Legally it wasn't rape but 'only' defilement because she'd caused the state of helplessness herself (that law has been changed since), but that's a technicality. I'm not yet sure what to do with this. I can see that it troubles her, and sadly the only problem-solving strategy she appears to have learned at home is to laugh and pretend the problem doesn't exist, which is probably not going to get her very far. OTOH we have no right to pressure her into what we think would be the right thing to do. This is going to be a tough one.
Also, the sea has been much too rough for us to go scuba diving from a boat lately, and no dive center on this island would let us rent equipment for a shore dive outside their guided tours even though there's a perfectly good shore right in our backyard. I could really use some quality time with a bunch of fish now - they're generally good listeners and hardly ever argue.

I have been officially between jobs since after work yesterday. I'm just taking this time to work on myself a little bit, and maybe find something where I can actually make use of my IT training, and also work hours suitable for my perpetually messed up sleep schedule (second shift)

I am tired. Very tired. That is all. -Update I slept for 10 hours, like a log. My body was really telling to tell me I needed some rest.

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