im going to relate to this heavily as i try to dig further into my own gender identity, as someone who realized theyre transfemme literally last week. i defknitely feel you though, i feel like im just lying to myself and everyone around me at the moment and it hurts.
I remember feeling the same early on, idk as time goes on i just gradually ended up feeling like just me and not either gender particularly, maybe when I start hrt ill start to feel like a girl and not just like I'm not a man and vaguely girl-like, idk <3