1 yr. ago • 100%

Well, waiting game is over. (CW: Transphobia, Christian Nationalism)

I told her about my dream and I got this lovely back to me.

“Good morning. Thank you for being vulnerable and thank you for feeling positive about yourself. I am very proud and happy that you have made whatever growth im your emotional well being and you have over come the wounded little boys hurt from isolation and bullying. It’s what’s inside - not what you are trying to create on the outer shell - transgender is like a white washed tomb and it’s not permanent.

[DeadName] you are wise enough and intelligent way beyond your years - way beyond the normal human.

A mother only wants all of their children to find peace within them self - you were born with great purpose and potential and I’ve always encouraged you in this way.

I wish you could hear from a mothers point of view how preposterous it is that your generation has bought in to the lie in your minds that a dude is a woman and a woman is a dude.

I AM befuddled and perplexed beyond words.

I am not in a place to ever call a lie the truth or the truth a lie.

It does not set well with me that a boy child that I gave birth to and have struggled with and loved unconditionally his entire life has allowed life to fuck with him to the point that instead of fighting through and coming to terms with the injustices he would rather just say he’s a woman than overcome all of the bull shit that life has brought in a healthy and proper way…

That would be the real hero - that would be the real triumph and that would be the true victory that I would want for my son who was created inside of my body so wonderfully and who was genetically given a penis and the proper chromosome and wiring of one gender - a male.

While I love you More than you have ever been able to comprehend, I will NEver mistreat people but the hard truth is there are only two genders that god created and this god forsaken transgender line of ridiculousness is the biggest joke I have seen on this planet.

I know you’re going to do what you want - you’ve isolate yourself away from precious people your entire life and even in golden years of your grand parents they wonder why you don’t love them or keep in touch. It’s reallly sad.

BE HAPPY AND BE STRONG BE AN OVERCOMER OF ALL THE WRONGS that you’ve been dealt but learn to be what you were designed to be - that’s my son not my daughter.

I’m not capable of pretending this is ok - I love you dearly but I’m not going to be fake and act like this is ok cause it’s not ok….

Love,

Your mother. “

Went exactly as expected.

Spits vitriol and then says “WhY dIdNt YoU sTaY, bTw We’Ll NeVeR AcCePt YoU FuLlY iF YoU TrIeD tO?”.

I ran away as a teenager because I knew they would never accept me how I was and that I didn’t fit into their Christian nationalist world view. Before I knew I wanted to transition, I knew I wasn’t like them and they would never fully understand me..

Whatever…

34 comments

Oh no... The letter started out so well until it whiplashed into hate and then took a nosedive into awfulness.

29
I'll never understand people who tell you you're being happy the wrong way.

24
- Right?
  
  “I liked you better when you were depressed, anxious, and could only display apathy or anger.”
  
  Sounds kinda fucked up.
  
  19
it took an immense strength of will to even consider forgiving someone like this

i'm sorry it went so badly. nobody should have to deal with this from a loved one, let alone a parent.

23
- Thank you for the empathy.
  
  It’s been a long hard road, and it takes a lot for me to not instantly recoil at any hint of Christianity from people because of the physical and religious abuse.
  
  Up until around 2016 I was on a live and let live kinda vibe, but the more I see from these folks, more I wish they were half as persecuted as they think they are.
  
  22
  
  damn girl, i understand that trajectory all too well! i also went from "virulently anti-religious" to "okay we can all be chill" to "mmmmm maybe you lot should be sent to the by trans furry catgirls or whatever, if you're gonna keep acting like this"
  
  as ugly as that feeling can be sometimes, anger at your oppressor is a natural impulse for the oppressed, and a righteous one in my opinion. all they have to do to get us to stop hating them is to stop trying to kill us. you'd think it wouldn't be a big ask, but...
  
  15
I'm so sorry to hear that she's chosen to deny your identity and refuses to accept you for who you are. :/

23
- Thank you for the empathy.
  
  I was sitting here irrationally upset about it, and just having a couple supportive comments show up has really helped me to remember that there are people out there who don’t feel that way.
  
  18
How to lose your child 101

I'm so sorry. Maybe one day she'll come around but wtf that's not on you

18
- This book was her parenting guide while I was growing up and she should honestly consider it a small miracle I had the space to forgive her and be open to have a relationship with her in the first place.
  
  12
  
  Oh fuck that. My parents had that book too. Also -- you probably already know this -- but her "white-washed tomb" analogy is a misquote from Jesus. He used it against religious hypocrites, who appeared good on the outside but were vile and gross on the inside.
  
  8
  
  Oh fuck that's so bad.
  
  7
  
  Gladly misread that as "Trans up a Child"
  
  6
“Why doesn’t my child talk to me anymore?”

She will sincerely ask that, not even understanding that she said the answer with that fucked up letter.

17
I'm sorry it went as you expected.

My son came to me last night, saying he thinks he hates both my mother, and his. I told him, if he doesn't want to hate them, he should talk to them, and tell them what they are doing to hurt him.

If they want to work with him, great.

If they don't, well... Cancers get cut out of the body, ya?

We probably both know what talking is going to accomplish, though. Good luck. I hope, other than that, things are going at least okay for you?

16
- Things are going exceedingly well for me.
  
  I’m doing something I love, have all my needs met, and am loving the mental changes I’m seeing and experiencing, physical changes are just a nice bonus on top (though nipple pain is being a bitch).
  
  Got a few incognito sports bras to help, and was really enjoying wearing one of those and some sweats around the house last night. Looked at myself laying down and felt really good about myself.
  
  Told my SO how I was feeling about it and she made a good natured joke about it being like a “thunder jacket”.
  
  I hope things are going well for you too, dearie💕
  
  13
I am so sorry she took this opportunity and wasted it. Parents acting this way to their own children still angers and saddens me, even if it no longer surprises me. I gave up trying to understand a long time ago.

Instead, I am adopting you (in this virtual forum) and sharing the letter I sent to my own daughter when she sent us her letter. She still presents as male at the moment, but is in the process of transitioning.

Please take a very big virtual hug, too. You are bold; you are brilliant; you are beautiful.

Message me anytime.

Love, Adopted Mom

Dear [NAME],

Trusting your words, but not your voice (literally), you recently sent us a letter to come out as transgender, telling us you’ve known since your young, teenage years.

I read your words and was so proud of you. Your anxiety must have been immense, but you set down on paper who you are. I have always told you about the power of putting things in writing. The words, whatever they are, can’t be taken back — they’re out there. Sure, they can be clarified or explained, but never erased. And you sent them to us.

When I saw you next, part of me wanted to tell you that I’ve known about this part of you for a long time, maybe for longer than you acknowledged it yourself. But I didn’t because I didn’t want to take a chance on taking any part of this moment away from you. It takes a lot to gain self-awareness like this. It takes yet even more to tell someone, let alone your parents - let alone again to put it in writing.

And as to that, there is something else I’ve told you all your life, or a variation of it. You may no longer be a baby, but you will always be my baby. That’s not meant to infantilize you; it’s a promise. Transgender or not, you could change your name from the one I gave you, and you would still be my child. You can live with me or move 2,000 miles away, and I will be there for you, because you are my child. My sweet, funny, witty, smart, awesome child.

When I saw you next, I didn’t say any of that either, and then one of your siblings came into the room, and I couldn’t address any of it at all. In your letter, you asked that we not say anything. We would never have had intentions to do so; that’s your right, so that request is more than easy to honor. I look forward to the day when you can be authentic with them as well, but that will take some time, I think.

All I could do at that moment was give you a quick, tight hug and whisper to you, “I love you, and your father loves you, too.” I hope you read into that hug and words all that we feel, and that you know that we love and support you.

And we would also put that in writing, if you wished. 😊

14
- Thank you, Mom. That’s all I wanted to hear ❤️
  
  9
  
  You’re welcome. ❤️
  
  8
i can't really like give you any advice except just like wish you strength to keep going ig, I hope you'll be ok in the end

13
- Thank you love, I’m okay right now. Not the first time I’ve fully cut contact, and probably won’t be the last if we’re being honest. Still have everyone else to go 😀
  
  13
There's no hate like christian love!

9
"I'll never mistreat anyone"

"Your existence is a joke"

Religion

7
Girl I'm so sorry :( I fear that my family will react the same way. It took a lot of courage to come out even when you thought this could be their response. You took a chance on them and they failed you.

4
My neighbor's son came out as trans about two years ago. His parents told me while we were cleaning up after a hurricane. They said they'd known he was a boy for years and were waiting for him to tell them. Even my dumb ass could tell, and I only see him doing chores and hiding at barbeques haha. He's a good kid, I think 16yo now.

I was invited to his "first birthday" since he started transitioning and I felt honored to attend, even as the neighbor who gets invited because they live nextdoor.

I'm sorry if this is out of place, because you're obviously struggling with the denial of acceptance from your mother, but there are so many people who will just accept you for who you are. Major hugs from a regular joe from afar. You are awesome and you will find the support and love and run-of-the-mill acceptance that you deserve. Do exactly what you need to do to feel whole.

3
Sorry to hear this, and much love to you :< I notice she happily unloaded a ton of stuff instead of, say, asking questions and trying to have a conversation - that alone is deeply disappointing. Not a fun time, best of luck.

2

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