I work in a warehouse surrounded by Europeans. What are some British insults I can teach them?

I've already ran the gamut on jokes about Dicks.

17 comments

Everything in Blackadder

Once they've got that, move on to Malcolm Tucker level insults

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- Tried to explain why 'Bob' was funny to them last week and they weren't having any of it.
  
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  Jeremy Clarkson (RIP) once talked through the humour of Bob with Rowan Atkinson. It was a good explanation.
  
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Wanker is solid. Ballbag, a personal favourite Bellend, but you may have that already. Shitebag, Scottish one Useless as a chocolate teapot

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I was in Malaysia once and a got chatting to a guy who didn't have the best English. He asked me for another way to say "I'm only joking" and I taught him to say "I'm only having a giraffe", which he managed in broken English ("Having a jee raff") I hope one day he says that to an Englishman and confuses him thoroughly.

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- I'm having a Steffi. I'm having a bubble.
  
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Fuckwit is a traditional insult that I have found is often quickly taken into new arrivals hearts. My guess is, this is because it unites two words with very old IndoEuropean roots.

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Numpty, plonker, twat, div, pratt

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Smeghead Or cockwomble.

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- "Cockwomble" definitely gives off the impression of having looked up how to sound like a Brit on the internet! Big fan of smeghead though.
  
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do these count

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My personal favourite is "blithering idiot".

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Introduce them to the Muppets.

The use of "You Muppet(s)!" is one of my favourites.

(It effectively means "Adorable/endearing idiot")

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- I feel like if Peter Capaldi called me a Muppet I would not take it as "adorable" and more like "twat".
  
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I hope to get a British person to call me a knob one day.

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- Good luck with that, you bellend.
  
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Spanner - idiot

Weapon - idiot

Muppet - idiot

Nesh - wimp/soft

Snide - Nasty/Evil/Cunt
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