Kinda hard to stay realistic when literal magic exists, no?

Just because you can break some laws of physics, doesn't mean you break all laws of physics.

"Rules were made to be broken!"
-fanfiction

THIS ISN'T NAM SMOKIE!

Rectal intake, got it.

So you're saying we need potion busting boba. Just toss one in your mouth and pop it

In BG3 you can put a potion on the ground between multiple people and hit it, and everyone splashed is healed. So, yes, the whole magic aspect of your explanation and not needing to actually swallow it seems to make sense (in BG3).

but if you aren't watering down your potions to at least a pint as practice for the tavern victory party afterward i'm not sure you deserve them at all tbh

FWIW, I did some quick reading up tonight. I can't believe I've not paid attention to this in over thirty years as a DM. 5e states that a potion usually contains an ounce of liquid. A shot glass typically holds 1.25 to 1.5 ounces. There's 2 tablespoons per ounce, for another frame of reference.

Where did you read that? The PHB only says that a potion is contained in a vial, and the description of a vial says it holds 4 ounces.

EDIT: I see, the DMG, page 139. My math in the rest of this comment makes the assumption that potions must be about the same density as water, but this development can only mean one thing: potions are four times the density of water. This makes it more dense than a rock! This has no rules implications, but it's interesting!

An empty vial has no weight listed, which means it must weigh less than a quarter of a pound (the smallest weight the rules account for). A potion weighs half a pound, which means that (assuming a similar density to water) there must be at least 3.8 ounces of liquid in the vial.

Granted, that's still only half a cup, but the rules say it takes an action to drink a potion. We need to flavor potions to account for that, not change the rules to fit our interpretation of how we want potions to work.

My workaround is to make it so that the PC can just cronch down on the vial with a bonus action. The broken glass deals a d4 damage, but the potion still heals the same amount it normally would.

This is only a problem because people imagine a potion has to have certain traits. Afaik, none of the rules as written specify that potions have to be more than a mouthful.

It isn't like potions are medicine, where you have to have a specific quantity to be effective. They're liquid magic. A single drop could carry whatever it does, though that would be less than useful because getting that single drop out of a bottle would be just as time consuming as chugging a bottle.

If you don't think of potions as being in a half pint sized bottle, the problem takes care of itself. A vial about two inches long and an inch in diameter, made of earthenware or even glass would hold enough of whatever to fill your mouth, be just as portable, and only take three to five seconds to use.

If you ignore having to swallow, it's even faster. It's magic, it could activate and affect you as soon as it's inside your body. Which also means rectal intake would work tbh.

There's plenty of fictional reference for potions being contact based, where the first drops start whatever change occurs. And there's basis good healing positions being able to be used topically, though that won't always apply to every injury.

But think about that for a second. If the potion has to be swallowed, that's pretty badly planned magic. The healing spells that healing potions are made from are contact based depending on the system. Touch ranged healing is fairly common. So, why can the healing potions not work if poured onto a wound? Why would you have to wait while you swallow, then let the magic burst from the stomach?

And, we know potions can be used on unconscious targets. Unconscious people can't always swallow anyway. So the full draught being swallowed is obviously preconception rather than something that is inherent to potion use.

The reason potion making in our world (hey, there's recipes for them, and people think they work, don't blame me) supposedly requires drinking the entire thing is that the ingredients are part of the magic, and the use of heat to reduce the potion beyond the initial making is "magically" going to break down what would work. Mind you, that's what people have claimed when the question is posed to them.

Working with real magic, you could reduce the liquid part, or hand wave it and say that the ingredients are consumed in making the potion, and thus don't require the same end volume.

And yes, I've thought about this way too much lol

edit: bullshit by me

What system are you talking about here? Because if it's meant to be Pathfinder 2e, the MAP only applies to attack actions.

you do know you're not supposed to drink the bong water right

You need a Keg of Chugging. Like a Decanter of Endless Water, but it's beer a potion. If a character begins drinking from the Keg of Chugging, he must make a CON save every round. He may not stop drinking until he fails the save, and he may not voluntary fail the save. Once he fails the save, he stops drinking but becomes fatigued. On every round after the first, any creature which is capable of speech and can see the character must make a WIS save or be forced to pass its turn while chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug!"

I'm picturing literally a beer helmet but with potion flasks instead of cans.

And the potion wouldn't heal anything, it would only give you a bonus to natural healing during rests.

Okay, chad faced joke aside (which is what I was going for there and couldn't undercut it with =P) I do prefer more simulation based ruleset which sortof demands that at least some basic rules of physics are able to be mapped between reality and the gamestate. Abstractions can exist, and explanations can be provided (like the idea of a potion only being a mouthful/shot in quantity and/or size), but strain of an increasingly divorced rulest from the actual narrative is always a problem and should be avoided, imo.