1y ago

Understanding men

267 comments

I once slid a large rock across an entire frozen lake. Please, contain your admiration
- Living the dream...
- You should try curling. No greater satisfaction.
  
  I opt for the primitive version, as it appeals to my caveman brain.
- Grew up on a lake that used to freeze in the winter, this is the best but worst thing we used to do (because it was fun, but the rocks/ice chunks would refreeze in place and be a hazzard while skating)
  
  Hazard? I think you mean obstacle course
- The sound must have been incredible
  
  Immensely satisfying frozen lake noises
  
  Check out golf ball on frozen lake for some good sounds

Finding a nice stick
- "mmm yes that's a good stick."
  
  !stick@lemmy.world I think?
- I practiced spinning sticks so that it looks like I know what I'm doing and every now and then I even look like a cool martial artist when doing so. My wife doesn't think so but my homies got my back. I love nice sticks.
  
  I practice drill team exercises with the broom whenever I'm sweeping the kitchen.
- That's a dog
  
  I'm sure bitches like that too
  
  That's why we're best friends.
- Especially when its the right height to use as a staff
- https://youtu.be/VtMQyhRZwCc?si=u2kdpGtyHrjcGw3-

Digging a hole
- Rock and stone, brothers!
  
  https://youtu.be/ytWz0qVvBZ0?si=TcolV55SdkWq694q
- Watching someone dig a hole. Or standing by the side of a hole that was just dug and commenting about the hole. Or watching construction work in a previously dug hole.
  We seem to just like holes. We are simple creatures.
- Love me a good hole
- Diggy Diggy hole.
- Digging a hole was my covid project.
  And now I have a pond and a fondness for pretty fish, lol.
- At the beach. Also sandcastles.
- Relevant https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hobby_tunneling
- Fuck no. I hate digging holes.
  
  Man police here: hand over your man card.

Bringing in all the groceries in one trip.
Although... that's a lot easier now-a-days.
- I remember grocery shopping as a kid filling the cart completely full and when we went through the register it was over $100 and my mom was going jeez that's a lot of money for a lot of food. It took 3 people several trips to unload the car.
  Today I go through the self checkout, get a few frozen meals, some store brand cookies, and a case of cheap beer for $80. I can carry the two bags and beer with one hand.
  
  I’ve been going to Costco every week for several years. Pre Covid my big trips were around $350. Yesterday I went and got some beer, wine, and some beef jerky and it came out to $350
  My big cart days are a lot closer to $700 too now. Certain items I remember being $10 are now $16-18. It’s insane.
  
  Just a note here, I bet your mom wasn't buying "dinners," she was buying "ingredients." Ingredients take up a lot more space in the cart per dollar spent. Sometimes that's because you pay a premium for prepared foods, (flour vs cookies) and sometimes it's because there's inherent waste, like onion skins, and both ends of that head of celery, and the bones of the whole chicken, and the stem, seeds, and vacant space inside a bell pepper. Also, not judging the beer, but in my childhood Dad bought all the alcoholic beverages from the liquor store in a separate trip. So it wouldn't have been in the grocery bags, nor on that receipt.
  Inflation is real. But it's important to:
  A. Make accurate comparisons
  B. Value the work that went into turning those ingredients into dinners.
  
  I'm really weirded out because I strongly remember averaging $100/week grocery trips as a kid, and now that I have my own family we're averaging $100/week. Checking a CPI calculator I should be spending ~$180/week with the exact same spending habits
  
  They're raising the prices because we're buying "frozen meals, cookies, and beer". All of that can be made at home for cheaper. Well, the beer and cookies may cost the same but they will be twice as good.
  Figure out what is your biggest purchase and find the recipe for it. Pasta, Indian food, cookies, and even beer can be made at home if you know what you're doing.
  Prices were lower before because everyone knew they could probably whip up something similar. If you have a bag of flour, some butter, and some sugar you can basically make half of the things at the grocery store.
- You have extra carrying capacity now because your wallet got lighter.
- It's cuz I got strong right?
  Right?
- I do this every time, mostly because I don't want to make multiple trips

Surely women also love seeing large rocks fall into a lake from great height, right? This has to be just a human love.
- Women love throwing paper airplanes, when it glides perfectly on the first try
  
  I like both. Does that make me non-binary?
- I'm mostly ambivalent about it really.
  Edit: am woman, still human though
  
  still human though Sounds sus.
- I know I do.

"I'm making a comic about stereotypical man, but I don't know any man"
Must be a good read.
- In this case it's funny...if the person asking that were a white straight guy asking about any other group, folks would be getting out their pitchforks.
- Hehehehehe sounds like satire as you point this out to how often the opposite happens

If there is a fire it must be bothered. It must be prodded several times and sticks need adding to it. The fire cannot be trusted not take care of itself.
- This mostly applies to other people's fires. My fires mostly collapse in on themselves gracefully and I might take offense at anyone prodding it before it's ready.
- Of the 3 people who I know who particularly like poking at fires, all of them are girls.
  
  Supported by my wife and I. She makes fires in the fire pit in the yard. I don't even like fires. I hate smelling like smoke.
- Its just fun to poke at a fire with a stick, but we've had "dont play with fire!" Drilled into us so hard we have to pretend like we're doing something productive.
- Weeeelllllll, I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that I do believe my fire tending helps the wood burn cleanly and wholly. That’s why I constantly prod and adjust it.
- Reminds me of Poke and Destroy by The Presidents of the United States of America.

I was going to say all men are different and you can't find something that will appeal to them all.
But then sploosh.
- Same man, same. I usually don't fit the traditional expectations of men, but holy cow a big rock being thrown into a body of water from a great height sounds amazing
  
  sha-PLOM-skshhh

Women writing men.
- What's the equivalent reverse of 'mansplain'?
  
  Estrolucidate?
  
  Nagging
  
  minoritysplain
- And bless her for asking instead of just deciding we like to swordfight with our dicks for social dominance. I mean we do that but women don't need to know about it.

How does she not know any men? Suspicious.
- She had two mothers and four grandmothers
  
  Is this the dystopia (Insert anti-LGBTQ Grifter name here) warned us about?

Successfully unsticking your balls from an uncomfortable position in public with only minor leg motions
- And not making this face after:

Sticks, and boobs. Not necessarily in that order.
- Sticks! Very important.
  
  And boobs! Veryer important
  
  And flashlights!
- Boobs aren't universal for every man though. Some prefer ass.
  
  Even the ones that prefer ass still pretty much like boobs too. I've even heard gay guys comment on a nice rack before.

Aw ya thats the shit

Hitting something with a ranged attack. Doesn't matter the target, doesn't matter the projectile. Basketball at hoop, dart at dart board, pee at poo stain, bb gun at empty can, snowball at tree, bullet at bullseye, it's all the same to us
- Jizz at the crude target that I drew on my wall with crayon... yea its all them same really
- That explains the large rocks from great heights thing. Now I understand my instincts. Thank you wise sage.

Doesn’t know any men in real life? Does she live in a nunnery?
- I think this is a tongue-in-cheek jab at the very real issue of men who try to write women who literally don't have any women in their lives except possibly their mothers.
  
  Hm. Completely missed that, but then I don’t read articles about what women want.
  
  Is that actually a very real issue, or is just another stereotype? The whole thing is so meta.
  
  The reply is also tongue-in-cheek, it's just when you pluck these things out of their context and put them as screenshots on a different website in front of people who dont' follow the individuals involved, you end up with goofy takes about it.
  Also, not for nothing, the way this was screenshot feels like somebody wanted to dunk on the Female Woman Writer instead of reading it in the spirit it was written.
  
  That's reading a lot into the post. Her profile says she's a feminist cartoonist. This is standard virtue signaling. She is such a great feminist, against the patriarchy, she doesn't know a single one. You still know you're father, brother, male coworkers? You're not on her level.
- Probably, because no one has ever lied about anything on the interwebs.
- If you join any big writing community (the Reddit one most obviously) you'll be stunned at the number of "How do I write [opposite sex]?" posts. Most of them are from men but there are a surprising amount of women making those posts too.

How can a woman make it to adulthood without knowing any men in real life?
- I'm so baffled that most people reading this don't get its satire of a lot of comics, sci-fi, video games, etc but with the genders reversed and people thinking it's a reasonable position.
  The author isn't being literal, they are making a joke about men who unironically say this and expect it to be considered normal.
  Please don't yell at me for this I am just the messenger.
  
  That's because there is good satire, and pretty often rubbish niche satire. Satire usually relies on everyone being in on the joke, accepting the ludicrousness of it. Political satire is good at this, gender stereotype satire is pretty deep psychologically layered stuff. Most people are not psychologically trained, or even people watchers. So the satire gets missed.
- Very religious single mother with lots of money from a divorce has a daughter, sends her to a girls-only boarding school, she studies theology and joins a convent, becomes a nun - now you have a thirty-something year old woman who has never known a man on a personal conversational basis (may have seen/heard them in passing, possibly a teacher or church leader as well).
  (This is most likely not the case and purely exists as a ridiculous but possible answer to your question.)
  
  I appreciate the worldbuilding effort
  
  Already a better story than the one shes writing
  
  Reminds me of that one monk who lived his whole life without ever seeing a woman
  
  How did she get the daughter?
- What you've never encountered one of those "went to an all-girls school then got a job at a daycare" chicks?
  
  well the closest I ever got to that was having an all-consuming hobby of attending aerobics classes and there were no men anywhere and I was so sexually frustrated. Had no idea how to meet men cuz all I wanted to do is go to a aerobics classes.
  LPT for men: If you want to meet tons of thirsty women, go to aerobics classes.
  
  Single-sex schools still exist ? where ? I know a few people who went to those but they're in their 70s now
- She grew up on Themyscira?

Highspeed camera footage of something being destroyed.
- Also slow-motion camera footage of something being destroyed.
  
  The high-speed camera is how you get slow motion footage.
  
  High speed refers to the shutter speed in a camera -- how quickly it can take frames. Slow motion footage is taken in a high speed camera. It's just a weird quirk of language.
  
  Not sure if unaware or trying to trap pedants

When I was a kid, my town had a bowling ball factory where they would leave the rejected balls in a big pile in back of the building, unguarded. In winter, we would sometimes nick a few and walk to one of the bridges on the local river which had iced over and drop the balls in. Dropping little rocks into water is cool and all, but absolutely nothing compares to the satisfying explosion from one of those bowling balls on ice.
- A bowling ball factory with unguarded rejects sounds like paradise
  
  Well, this was the late '70s when all kinds of crazy shit was going on that's unheard of today. As another example, retail stores used to just leave handheld electronic games out on the sales counters where amoral young boys could easily slip them into their paper bags and stroll out the door with them and then tell their parents they'd "found them in the garbage". Not that I would know anything about that kind of thing ...

Building a dam in a stream and forming a little lake. Then opening the dam and making a tidal wave.
- That was one of my favorite activities when I was a kid. We had a steam behind our home, I made a tiny little ecosystem for frogs and crawdads to hang out in, between the flowing parts of the stream 😊 fond memories.
  
  I did something similar too but no animals. You had a great childhood 👍
- That's my favorite part of the book version of "IT." The scene just captures childhood so well.
  
  It wasn't the weird kiddy gangbang scene then?
  King's cocaine pile must have looked like the one from Scarface at the point he wrote that.
- Literally did this last weekend, in a freshwater stream at the beach. Im 34.

Pissing from great heights is a wonderful, wonderful feeling.
- just watch out for the headwind
  
  Assert dominance, always piss into the wind.

Mmmmmm yeah that's good. Now lemme take that chunk of ice and smash it on the pavement...
- Stepping on those frozen-over empty puddles where it's just a thin crust of brittle ice over an empty hollow, and it makes the satisfying crackling noise when it breaks.

i want that tweet, i want to see the answers lol
- Found it!
  https://twitter.com/aubreyhirsch/status/1506039335602302985
  
  I miss nitter 😥
  
  404
  Damn I forgot, I blocked twitter.

- yes
- Believe it or not, that was part of a U.S. presidential campaign.
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mike_Gravel#2008_presidential_campaign
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rZdAB4V_j8
  
  Yeah, it wasn't easy finding a mike gravel gif.
- Satisfying even just to watch

Explosions
- Except not looking at them.
  
  That's only cool guys.

Fuck yeah to throwing rocks into bodies of water from great heights though fr.
- Am man, can confirm.
- Yes, but if you throw a small light stone at the right angle, you can make in bounce off the water. That's much more fun.
  
  That's fun, but definitely not more fun than big KERPLOOSH
- It really is that fun. Kerplunk.

an almost perfectly straight stick you randomly found while hiking

Not a man, but it seems to me that if you asked most men what they would like to do if they found themselves alone on the battlements of an abandoned castle, they'd say "Pee over the edge." Dropping a stone is the substitute for when people are around.
- I feel like it could be a bit windy on the battlements of an abandoned castle? I'd probably also pick the stone if it was a headwind.
- Pee doesn't "bloop"

One time I hollowed out a pickle and put a string cheese/ mozzarella stick inside then battered and fried the whole thing
- consuming the cheese from a phallic object
  Hmm.
  
  Ur the only one making it gay
  
  Fellas, is it gay to eat cylindrical shaped foods?

Why do men always want to hog all these enjoyable past-times? Next they'll be claiming that stuff like stepping on frozen puddles on the side of the road to hear the satisfying cracking noises is a "guy thing". Like please, we all know men don't go outside.
- Can confirm - am man, don't go outside.
  
  But when I do, I throw large rocks into bodies of water from great heights. It's one of those instinctual things I just can't control, but it only happens when I go outside.
- i think a lot of "guy things" are just people things but guys are like "omg thats totally me and not anyone else"
  having said that, its definitely a guy thing to claim things as guy things.

Nodding off in a chair after a big meal.

Gathering in a line or a circle and looking at things. Could be a bonfire, a body of water, someone else digging a hole, etc. Holding a beer during this activity is optional but a significant upgrade.

Drinking very cold bevereges after a strenuous day of work/workout is the best. May or may not be beer. Having a hot showing drinking a cold one after gym is also THE BEST.

We also like sticks!
- I know someone else who also likes sticks 🐕
  
  Fuck off, dog. The stick is mine
  
  That's why we like dogs! Dogs like sticks, we like sticks! We throw sticks and dogs bring back sticks!

Odd seeing this dude outside his funny hospital based insta/tiltok content

Apparently it's thinking about the Roman Empire or something

AND DIGGING BIG HOLES
- Hell yeah

Oddly specific
- Yet surprisingly universal!

Helicoptering our knobs.
- You spin me right round baby, right round.
- Only if the wife's around to roll her eyes

Y'all eating the metaphorical onion on this one
- It is a sweet onion though.

When I was 15 I used to drive my moped to a breakwater at a near lake and spend hours trying to bomb a piece of wood I threw in the water with stones.
- Did you end up playing baseball or something later? Or winning a lot at the circus arcades? ;)
  
  No, but I evolved and nowdays I'm using a David's sling for increased range. Not the air defence system though. Unless someone knows a guy ofcourse?
- Hey.... that actually sounds fun I remember that as well! Have a good Friday!

Pissing with a hand on the wall in front of you
- In some places it’s commonly known as - and I make no apologies for this - the “Hitler piss”. Due to the similarity with the salute associated with that whack mofo and his followers.
  
  Well now that's going to be in my head for the rest of my life.

Pissing off shit and period stains in the toilet.

Digging holes (for any reason).

It's not the size of the rock that matters, it's how you throw it.

i the rock

Pizza Rolls.

Well shit… I guess I do enjoy this. I wasn’t even aware.

Anything that can be operated with a remote control.

Can confirm

Flooded quarries make the most amazing splash zones

An open car hood in a parking lot or driveway will attract a group of men as easily as a puppy or baby will for a group of women.
- Doesn't work for me. I just fix the car and the person goes home. Not enough time for a crowd to gather.

267 comments