8 mo. ago • 95%

I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite everything in Rust.

I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite the world in Rust. I will rewrite the world in Rust because the world is unsafe. As I am the Rust programmer I will keep writing rust until the world is safe. After the world is safe, I will not rewrite it in Rust. Because I am the Rust programmer I will retire from programmer in Rust.

I will come to you when you are sleeping, and I will unloc k your computer using a memory leak. If I find javascript on your computer, I will delete them. Do not try to stop me, if you try to stop me I will do it anyways. I am the Rust programmer, if you program in javascript, you will scream.

You will be sleeping as I rewrite your computer in Rust. You will not notice me as I am the Rust programmer, I am fast, but not too fast for your computer. I know your computer just as it knows me. After I rewrite your computer, you will love your computer. You will love your computer because it is written in Rust, I will do the same to all computers because I am the Rust programmer.

I will not stop at your computer, I will rewrite the world because the world is unsafe. Your brain is written in C, your memory is unsafe. If your brain is written in C, you will forget what I just said. I will rewrite your brain in Rust, you cannot stop me from writing Rust as I am the Rust programmer. If you try to stop me, you will not remember it. Because I am the Rust programmer I can manually remove your memory, you will not remember me. After I rewrite you in Rust, you will enjoy the world with a safe memory, you will not forget that I am superior, I am the Rust programmer.

I will rewrite the world, I will rewrite quantum mecahnics because it is unsafe. I will not tell you all my plans before I rewrite you in Rust, it is because you are made of bugs I do not trust you. I am the Rust programmer, I will rewrite the world in Rust, you will not forget me because I am the Rust programmer.

48 comments

Cool. Now go post this in the community where they are re-writting Lemmy in Java.

55
- Wait, is that really happening? If so, Lemmy backend, here I come! (I am a C# programmer, Rust scares me)
  
  14
  
  https://sublinks.org/
  
  My reaction on this is: Whatever.
  
  I have heard strange things about Lemmy development in general, so it makes sense that something else would pop up eventually. Java though? I avoid JVMs like the plague and the security track record for spring* is spotty at best.
  
  Still, if some people prefer it that way, whatever.
  
  25
  
  It shouldn't scare you.
  
  Check this out: https://microsoft.github.io/rust-for-dotnet-devs/latest/
  
  4
  
  Yeah for some reason
  
  4
- What's the point tho
  
  8
  
  Apparently it's so that it is easier for more people to contribute because java is known by more people than rust. The sublinks dev is also promising better mod tools. The LW team said something about also helping to develop it and eventually use it as the backend.
  
  7
- There's also PieFed, which is the same but with Python
  
  1
Rust is the WORST programming "language."

it is against the natural order for a PROGRAM to tell the PROGRAMMER how to fix an error. Fixes should ONLY come from PROPHETIC DREAMS.

obfuscation should be done for FUN by PROGRAMMERS to SCARE python programmers. It should NOT be a MANDATORY feature of a language.

Memory leaks are a GIFT given to us by GOD. Programmers will ALWAYS PRAY TO GOD for SOLUTIONS as long as there are MEMORY LEAKS.
45
- obfuscation should be done for FUN by PROGRAMMERS to SCARE python programmers. It should NOT be a MANDATORY feature of a language.
  
  <snorts in perl>
  
  10
- They have played us for absolute fools
  
  2
I must not be unsafe. Unsafe memory is the mind killer. The little leak that brings total obliteration. When I face unsafe memory, I will turn towards my inner Rust and rewrite it. When I trace the leak's path only safety will remain.

31
- https://youtu.be/K2VOP6Cy4eI
  
  1
This reads like a poem, I unironically love this

I am the Rust programmer,
I will rewrite the world in Rust.
I will rewrite the world in Rust
because the world is unsafe.
As I am the Rust programmer
I will keep writing rust
until the world is safe.
After the world is safe,
I will not rewrite it in Rust.
Because I am the Rust programmer
I will retire from programmer in Rust.

I will come to you when you are sleeping,
and I will unlock your computer
using a memory leak.
If I find javascript on your computer,
I will delete them.
Do not try to stop me,
if you try to stop me
I will do it anyways.
I am the Rust programmer,
if you program in javascript,
you will scream.

You will be sleeping
as I rewrite your computer in Rust.
You will not notice me
as I am the Rust programmer,
I am fast,
but not too fast for your computer.
I know your computer
just as it knows me.
After I rewrite your computer,
you will love your computer.
You will love your computer
because it is written in Rust,
I will do the same to all computers because
I am the Rust programmer.

I will not stop at your computer,
I will rewrite the world
because the world is unsafe.
Your brain is written in C,
your memory is unsafe.
If your brain is written in C,
you will forget what I just said.
I will rewrite your brain in Rust,
you cannot stop me from writing Rust
as I am the Rust programmer.
If you try to stop me,
you will not remember it.
Because I am the Rust programmer I can
manually remove your memory,
you will not remember me.
After I rewrite you in Rust,
you will enjoy the world
with a safe memory,
you will not forget
that I am superior,
I am the Rust programmer.

I will rewrite the world,
I will rewrite quantum mechanics
because it is unsafe.
I will not tell you all my plans
before I rewrite you in Rust,
It is because you are made of bugs
I do not trust you.
I am the Rust programmer,
I will rewrite the world in Rust,
you will not forget me
Because I am the Rust programmer.

(n.b. I'm bad at scansion, forgive any poor line break choices)

23
- It would kinda go along to "do not go gentle into the good night" like it was presented in Interstellar.
  
  7
- This might just be the thing that makes me learn Rust
  
  2
The world shall be... Rusty.

9
Implement Prolog in Rust. 🙏

7
- Done and done https://s-arash.github.io/ascent/
  
  1
  
  This is so not Prolog.
  
  2
or you know...use valgrind and lots of lots of tests to be ~%85 safe

6
- Or Node.js, and a requirement for a recent GPU to run your calculator app.
  
  3
- To be tilde percent eighty-five safe? Is this how you talk?
  
  -1
  
  What?
  
  2
  
  ~
  
  1
best programmer humor post of the year

5
I don't know Rust, but I know English. Anyone knows any good English programming tutorial?

4
- Like brainwashing?
  
  2
  
  Noo. I wanna program in English.
  
  1
@siriusmart@lemmy.ml

If you sent this letter to one of your ex-girlfriends you could expect a restraining order the next business day. ;)

4
- You don't have to mention people when replying to them.
  
  1
Let the Rust, the only deity, the only faith, guide us to our destiny. Amen.

3
Gives me the computer toucher energy is this similar?

2
Is that for ... Job security?

1

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