My new job wants me to write a bio for all of our clients and colleagues to see, but here's what's really going on in my mind if I could write an honest bio:

I have no choice but to work a job for survival although I am in constant pain, my feet, my legs, my back, my shoulders, which is ironic because here I am as your massage therapist so you might assume we're impervious to pain, But no, not only am I your licensed massage therapist but I am first & foremost a Disabled Army Veteran but I have no choice but to work because all my disability benefits are being garnished by the government.

Ideally to heal my pain, I would rest and exercise and do yoga all day which is what I really need to do, but that won't earn me money to survive, and if I don't earn money to survive then I cannot survive. So I have no choice but to work a job, and if I could have any job in the world I wanted, it would be this job, as a licensed massage therapist here in this oceanfront Spa at this exclusive Beach Club that charges members $7,000 to join and $1,000 a month club dues, yes this is an exclusive club and I am grateful you hired me to work here,

I went to school for this, and jumped through so many legal hoops and bureaucratic documentation and licensing and testing in several different states just to have this job, So I'm investing myself into this job because I've already invested so much effort into it, and I don't want to jump through any other hoops for any other job because I'm already exhausted.

although what I really want to do is be a yoga teacher but I tried that and it only pays $25 a week and I cannot survive on $25/week, so I'm sticking with this job as a massage therapist and I'm grateful you hired me because this spa is on the beach and we can literally see the ocean from our windows and front promenade and it is so beautiful. And an employee benefit you offer us is a cafeteria with free food during our breaks and that is amazing. I'm grateful to work here,

but let me be clear that I do not want to work AT ALL and I need to rest and my body is in constant pain and I literally have disability benefits so I shouldn't be working but the government /IRS is garnishing all of my disability benefits because of something stupid my ex-husband did 10 years ago, So I have no choice but to work this job, and if I must work a job, this is the best one. But I am worried I will not be able to keep up and I will be so exhausted that I simply can't do it anymore, and then what? I will die because we need money to survive and if I don't work then I won't have money. And mind you, death from lack of money is not a quick instant painless death. No, it's a slow horrible undignified demise.

I will honestly tell you, along the same vein of preferring to be a yoga teacher if it only paid a living wage because that would be better for my body and my health, I've also thought of being an exotic dancer so I can climb a pole and be upside down and exercise which is what I crave, so much better than standing on these hard floors all day bending over massage clients, Oh it's 3:45 a.m. and my body is still throbbing in pain from the prior day of work, but I chose this vocation as a massage therapist because it is respectable, and guaranteed steady income as long as I can tolerate the pain and keep showing up to work every day,

whereas being an exotic dancer would not be respectable, and also I don't have the personality or the street smarts to be an exotic dancer. I would just like the physicality of it, climbing, stretching, dancing, that's what my body needs to do.