Cats Are Impressive

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You really believe cats would stoop so low? Obviously cats made human babies evolve to sound like cats, because humans were engineered to serve cats, so by sounding like cats the little humans would be fed more to be stronger and have more humans to feed cats.
You make it sound like only the cat benefits from the arrangement, but the cat understands his or her responsibilities of granting pats, scratches, and possibly even belly rubs for good caretakers.
- Mmm, had a cat leave half a rat in my shoe one night. "You're welcome."
  
  How would you know that he killed an intruder if he doesn't show proof!?
  
  Well, it's not like you were going to catch it yourself. The cat just knew if he didn't give you half his rat you'd die of starvation.
Haha that's how my sister got one of her cats. She lived next door then kind of decided she lived with my sister instead. So my sister went over and told the people their cat kept coming in her house and they were like "whatever keep her we were going to get rid of her anyways." And now my sister has had her for like 10 years.
- Damn, that cat knew.
Then why does my cat try to kill me by running under my feet every time I walk down the stairs? Are my treats and scritches not enough?!?!
- if you fall they get to eat you
- Because if you step on them, you'll feel bad and then fuss over them and give them more treats. And the cat won't be hurt because they are liquid so it's a no-risk, all reward activity.
I don't know, a lot of people are pretty shit to their cats and the cats don't seem to have much say over the situation.
If you're like a happy cat with a nice place to live and freedom to explore or hang out at home according to your whims, that's probably a pretty okay life for the most part. But if you're an 'indoor' cat spending your entire life locked in a small space that may be cramped, dirty, or scary, that's a pretty different thing.
The contradiction of pet ownership is kinda fucked. Like, how are you going to try to keep a cat who desperately wants to escape trapped inside and pretend it's your buddy rather than your prisoner?
Same with people who have dogs that they just leave penned up or tied to a post all the time. How can anyone think that's any kind of life?
Humans are monsters.
- Yeah let’s just let them outside and kill all birds and get sick and shit. Brilliant.
  
  I mean, you don't actually have to take other species prisoner at all.
I love both cats and dogs, but I think it is so cool that cats just decided they wanted to be with us. Dogs were made to, they didn't exactly have a choice.
I can’t think of a single person who would actually just let a cat move in. I think the internet has fooled some of you.
- I have lived in multiple homes where this happened. One was even a fraternity ( total consensus ).
- You live in a grim neighbourhood.

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