Thank you all for the support yesterday. Reading your messages helped me feel so much better.
Yesterday one of my friends drove half an hour to go for a walk with me (which is more than bar guy would've ever done). Then we went to the shops and tried on clothes. Afterwards, we met up with a mutual friend and her friends. The friends were so nice. They gave me really nice hugs, made me punch pillows, talked to me empathetically, bought me KFC because I hadn't eaten all day, and then we drove to the beach. This experience has shown me that I can do so much better, as someone who hasn't had a good time socially.
Not getting closure in person and feeling the loss absolutely sucks. It's going to be sad for a bit. He didn't even fight for me! I had guys who I'd only been on a few dates with wanting to talk it out and try to problem solve. I should've left months ago at my first sign of doubt. But there's nothing I can do now. Now I know that I need to listen to what my body is telling me, because maybe it isn't all that shit. I shouldn't have to cry 30+ times just in a month because that is not normal (yep I have a crying tally whoops).
I also feel fucking relieved. Good riddance. I don't have to beg for someone to show up for me anymore.
Feeling depressed. The cold and dark sucks. Cost of living sucks. Need a holiday but canโt afford one. Going to take a week off work in a few months but itโs not the same as going somewhere and getting away from it all. Pet boarding would cost heaps so even cheap isnโt on the cards. Health is shite also (cfs etc) which makes it hard to plan and do stuff.
Tax cuts sounded great til I got a land tax bill that had doubled because itโs how Dan andrewโs is paying back the Covid payout debts. (It had a nice letter with it to explain that). And I know thereโs people who are in very very shit circumstances compared to me, so self compassion isnโt a thing.
โYou hear a lot of talk about the cartels in Mexico, but the truth is that the beaches are safe and all the surfers are safe, you just have to be alert, just as you would in any other city in the world,โ said Otanez, whose group took part in a โpaddle outโ vigil for the three slain men over the weekend."
Um no this particular area is not safe. Not even according to locals. To think otherwise is simply delusional. And this plays out statistically as well.
"In 2021, Baja California had the second highest number of homicides in Mexico, accounting for nearly one out of 10 homicides nationwide."
It's really irresponsible to encourage travel to the area.
Sometimes I feel so Groundhog Day. Each day merges into the next and the next. But unlike the movie thereโs no magic trick to break the spell. Sleep eat work tv housework weekday weekend repeat.
Woop, this time it seems to be my turn to have eaten something that overstayed its welcome. Not sure if it was the rice or the dal. Probably the dal, it's lasted a week. Burping like crazy and feeling a few stabs in the gut. Usually my gut is fairly durable with old food, but it's been a little weird lately... handling coffee well again? But back to the burping? Hmmm...
E: I started using my new undated planner which has a "brain dump" section before every 7 days, to unload everything into a list and then assign a priority, and a date to do it by. Then I can pre-fill days in advance and each day has a "3 most important tasks" section to filter out the crucial items. I hope this will help with my life organisation, I think it works with my brain.
I've been out enjoying the lovely weather in the garden and am pleased to report that the late planting of corriander last year has successfully self-seeded and I now have a patch of baby corriander. There is also a bit of self-seeded lettuce popping up, and my bok-choy mustard hybrids are going well now the weather has cooled down.
I've also planted some snow pea seeds and will cross my fingers they don't get eaten before they manage to grow.
Halfway through a left turn, the guy behind me honks.
So as a petty revenge, I did 40 in a 50 zone. Guy behind flashes headlights.
Eventually the guy overtook us. My wife and I looked at the guy. Staring back at us was a possibly 19 year old green P Asian male in command of an MG HS.
Project day today! My nerdy electronics from that dodgy place that doesn't do refunds for mixing deliveries arrived today. Finally got around to fixing the boot errors windows was having. It seems it decided to do an update I never asked for and screwed up its boot file. I had to download the 6gb iso and flash it onto a hard drive to get a working command prompt, but it rebuilt the file no worries
Getting back drip into my throat and itโs making me cough all day long and it doesnโt sound nice at all, like a frog dying or something.
Whatโs worse is that itโs keeping me from sleeping too waking up to coughing fits because whatever is in my throat is tickling it and making it dry.
so you know that "add extra member" option on Netflix to add someone outside your houselhold....when you add them (and pay, and provide their email etc), do they log in via their email and my password? or do they get a login request email where they log in with their email, and then get asked to set a password....? asking for a very tech illierate sister in law living in another state....(as in not really able to forward any email on to me) - can't find this on the website
I was looking at pasta recipes with pineapple and apparently it is a thing. It's called Hawaiian pasta. Everything that's on a Hawaiian pizza is in the pasta. Genius.
Very tempted to sell some of my stoncks, and buy a 2 bedroom older walk up unit. Still have room for the CGT taxable part of the sale to go into First home super, and it's de-risking in case of a crash.
There's a tonne of them coming up for sale right now, and the mortgage + strata payments work out to be around the same as the rent.
Response to Seagoon: I bought codral, not Sudafed, so that's prolly why my nose is swollen. I should have bought Sudafed, or spoken to a chemist for the good shit (codeine)
I stupidly ordered nestle hot choc sachets from Amazon without checking the ingredients. Corn syrup dammit. Had the nestle hot choc sachets at a training centre in the city and could only find them on Amazon. Clearly not the same though.
Keen to try out this vegan shepherds pie recipe with rehydrated mushrooms and jackfruit and coffee but thinking it could wait until it gets colder. Might just do a basic roast veg tonight (fennel round 3, beetroot, potat) and some pan fried fish with leeks.
...or I could try making borscht ๐ค. Or something borscht adjacent as I don't have any caraway seeds or dill. I do have red cabbage and a tin of beans I could add in to bulk it up.