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Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • Everything changed when I found the most understanding teachers at the end of my school. I switched schools and had a teacher recognize I was smart and bored and distracted, and she tested me out of the classes and let me spend my time on other random things that were tangentially related and still work with the other students. Game changer compared to where I was where I'd get deductions for doing problems early or reading ahead.

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    Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • The point on the way to many interests and things, and loving yourself beyond the meds, very important! I found o was regulating myself too much for the first while after diagnosing, and the most relaxation wasn't what people might typically find relaxing, it was letting the (healthy enough) chaos flow in a safer environment than I was previously prepared to setup.

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    Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • 100%. Great way of putting it. I bounce back forth on occasion, but the trend line is always toward accepting that old part of me, and realizing it's okay to move on because it's a very closed chapter that's been outstaying its welcome. Like any death, you still have those same neural patterns, and they're slowly getting overwritten, and it's confusing and disorienting when your muscle memory reaches for something and it's not there.

    It's extra confusing when what's reached for is that feeling of not grabbing anything, but you do. When you've been falling for decades the ground feels weird for a while when you land.

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    Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • I definitely feel like a big part of what I've grieved is the childhood that I never had, moreso than the future I won't. It was a big relief, and I felt like I could do well and cut myself slack. I'm just trying to do the same with past me; cut myself that slack, give my past self that love and understanding now that I didn't get then, accept it was a brutal time, and that it was unfair, but that I've grown and learned and stopped rejecting that person was me, and we're doing all right.

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    Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • I do think stigma is a part, both your expectations of others and the expectations on yourself. I had a psychiatrist tell me years before my diagnosis that I was "too successful" for ADHD and that pretty much derailed the acceptance for a long time, heh.

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    Please Grieve Your Diagnosis
  • Absolutely! Important to recognize you're not "weird" for not going through this, sometimes it just aligns so well you're already prepped for it.

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  • Edit: A great point made in the comments I want to highlight; while it's perfectly normal to grieve, it's also perfectly normal to not grieve. If my points relate to you, look into it a bit more and consider it, but if not - and you don't connect with it - don't be forcing yourself into a headspace, we're all different!

    I think this is a very important and not very discussed topic. Dr. Barkley put out a video about this on YouTube a little while back, and I'd already started considering this well before and I was excited to see it backed by his experiences. I think it's quite important because it can help to make sense of different reactions and feelings and try to gain some clarity.

    In short, upon getting diagnosed for ADHD, you very well might (I can't say likelihood) experience some "stages" of grief (order not a given) - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These phases can come and go, and come back again, and Dr. Barkley has a going recommendation to practitioners to discuss this as part of their diagnosis, but they often do not.

    I'll just give my own experience here and I highly recommend checking in with yourself / your supports to consider if you might be in this place and needing clarity, and I hope it's helpful.

    • Diagnosis: I was original diagnosed with ADHD as a differential diagnosis, but received no treatment. Things continued getting worse, and eventually a new psychiatrist said it was clearly ADHD and started medication.

    • Fake Acceptance 1: I was willing to say I had ADHD, and discuss my symptoms and share experiences. It was all surface level.

    • Denial 1: The diagnosis was short; I'd had the differential, but I was surprised how quickly he prescribed me medication. I took the medication, and things were much better (early meds euphoria) but even still, I thought I was probably placeboing. I straight up thought my psychiatrist had prescribed a placebo to placate me just complaining about everyday things.

    • Anger 1: No, these meds are helping - and they could have helped me for so long. Tens of thousands of dollars in tuition fees from missed deadlines, rent overpayments, not making reimbursement deadlines, late penalties - decades of deep depression, burnout - when it was so obvious. Why wasn't I checked out? Why did my first psychiatrist give up on me? Why didn't my parents ever notice the many signs?

    • Denial 2, Bargaining 1: Maybe eventually I can just develop the systems I need to get by, I won't need meds, or maybe I will, but I'll be able to be at 100% without ever exhausting myself or anything. Maybe this is just temporary, and I'll develop the things I need to get through it. Maybe there just wasn't childhood signs.

    • Depression 1: But there were. There were signs, the meds help a lot but they don't solve everything. It sucks. It's unfair, I'm tired, I need a break.

    • Acceptance 1: After a bit, I started to really feel like I had a disorder, and it was here to stay. Not only that, but the way that I think is fundamentally different from the way most people think, and I will not relate to most people on a deep level because it's been so core to me. I appreciated those I could connect to deeply, and recognized that things are just going to be harder. Society doesn't need to change - I mean, it could - but it's my responsibility, my burden, but that's okay.

    • Denial 3, Bargaining 2: ... but, if I just set up my calendar, and set up alarms, and commit to things, we're good! No issues, I'm sure.

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    A bit fucked up, isn't it?
  • I agree to an extent, but also that the parents need to take time to understand how to "gas them up" appropriately. It's not everyone's case, but it became very apparent to me when I was young that my parents would cheer me on over anything, and never take any time to learn about the things they were cheering me on over, and that led to disbelieving pretty much any positive feedback from anyone long-term. The only feedback of substance growing up was the very rare negative feedback, because they would only pull it out when they understood it enough to know it needed improving. That, and emphasizing their efforts as the thing to cheer on, not just the end results.

    I've learned to work through that, and maybe it goes without saying for most people, but being a genuine and substantive cheerleader is important.

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    A bit fucked up, isn't it?
  • I know this is in response to a post saying your ADHD is not other people's ADHD, but I'm pretty sure your ADHD is my ADHD.

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    Kirk makes a good point.
  • Message not clear; some man in the mirror is now telling me to change my ways, and now they're angry and crying and it's making me uncomfortable and feel alone. The man in the mirror said the world would be a better place if I changed, but why can't they change? After all, they sure don't seem like a good person, you can see it in their face. Disgusting.

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    Kirk makes a good point.
  • Maybe the discomfort of looking at the person on the other side of the mirror, with their hate, sadness, and confusion, is part of what fuels their hatred.

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    The Irony of 'You Wouldn't Download a Car' Making a Comeback in AI Debates
  • As someone who researched AI pre-GPT to enhance human creativity and aid in creative workflows, it's sad for me to see the direction it's been marketed, but not surprised. I'm personally excited by the tech because I personally see a really positive place for it where the data usage is arguably justified, but we either need to break through the current applications of it which seems more aimed at stock prices and wow-factoring the public instead of using them for what they're best at.

    The whole exciting part of these was that it could convert unstructured inputs into natural language and structured outputs. Translation tasks (broad definition of translation), extracting key data points in unstructured data, language tasks. It's outstanding for the NLP tasks we struggled with previously, and these tasks are highly transformative or any inputs, it purely relies on structural patterns. I think few people would argue NLP tasks are infringing on the copyright owner.

    But I can at least see how moving the direction toward (particularly with MoE approaches) using Q&A data to support generating Q&A outputs, media data to support generating media outputs, using code data to support generating code, this moves toward the territory of affecting sales and using someone's IP to compete against them. From a technical perspective, I understand how LLMs are not really copying, but the way they are marketed and tuned seems to be more and more intended to use people's data to compete against them, which is dubious at best.

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    The Irony of 'You Wouldn't Download a Car' Making a Comeback in AI Debates
  • Not to fully argue against your point, but I do want to push back on the citations bit. Given the way an LLM is trained, it's not really close to equivalent to me citing papers researched for a paper. That would be more akin to asking me to cite every piece of written or verbal media I've ever encountered as they all contributed in some small way to way that the words were formulated here.

    Now, if specific data were injected into the prompt, or maybe if it was fine-tuned on a small subset of highly specific data, I would agree those should be cited as they are being accessed more verbatim. The whole "magic" of LLMs was that it needed to cross a threshold of data, combined with the attentional mechanism, and then the network was pretty suddenly able to maintain coherent sentences structure. It was only with loads of varied data from many different sources that this really emerged.

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    The single most thing that improved your ADHD?
  • Mainly learning that I did, in fact, have ADHD, Then: medication (Vyvanse); drastically reducing or cutting weed, alcohol, and caffeine; therapy to help deal with childhood issues (which exacerbate symptoms); taking time away from work to start recovering from ADHD-driven burnout and building some structures to support my ADHD in the workplace.

    Systems to externalize things. I've accepted that if I don't see something, it isn't happening, so I try to arrange and organize things in a way that it's physically out in the world for me. Digital doesn't work extremely well for me for the most part, except for some work things where it's all in one place, because digital disappears from existence when the screen turns off.

    I hate it, but regular exercise, eating more healthy, and the nights where I can actually sleep are probably the biggest factors in whether I have a good day or not. Not that knowing that is enough, of course.

    Oh, and just generally learning what my weaknesses are. I'm still hugely struggling with ADHD overall, but knowing the big weaknesses helps. It's not about doing what's easy, it's about facing what's hard head-on and accepting it sucks, but you have to go on.

    • I struggle with transitioning, so random text messages or having to sporadically decide to move from Task A to Task B is hard/impossible, so I have scheduled socializing and build in transition "rituals" like going for a walk, having lights and TV automatically turn off at set times,
    • I get stuck on tasks, so hard rules like "Under no circumstances can you do this after X time" are vital to live by, when you can,
    • I don't notice bodily needs, so practicing meditation and having regular reminders to check-in on myself help to make sure I've eaten / drank water / walked around and generally am not hurting my body with whatever weird way I'm sitting,
    • I'm terrible with detail-oriented work, so I have workflows specifically designed to reduce the amount of detail-oriented work I need to do,
    • I binge a ton of work in short periods and rest for periods, so I moved my career toward flexible scheduling to allow for this, with enough accountability to have deadlines I can't violate.
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    Nope, got it here too
  • I'll say, one thing that helped me here was starting to see the "depth in the breadth", so to speak, and recognizing this jumping around for what it was. A lot of novelty seeking and bouncing between hobbies to avoid conscious regulating, which was tiring.

    Now, in things that I consider important, I try to find the novelty and breadth that comes with sticking to it for a long time - stare at a hobby / occupation long enough to see the big world inside of it and realize it's more than you can take in and take time to put up some blinders so you can hone in there and see it as lots of cool novel things within a smaller space.

    Also, realizing that bouncing around to all kinds of things... well, that's my form of relaxing. If I'm totally depleted, chances are what I need isn't to sit in one place and "rest", or to focus on one thing, it's to schedule time to completely not focus on one thing and allow myself to bounce all over the place and do whatever feels good (within responsible limits). It's usually a chaotic mess that amounts to no long-term benefit, but it's much more resting that trying to relax. Trying was the problem, after all.

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    Apple Reportedly Suspends Work on Vision Pro 2
  • My guess was that they knew gaming was niche and were willing to invest less in this headset and more in spreading the widespread idea that "Spatial Computing" is the next paradigm for work.

    I VR a decent amount, and I really do like it a lot for watching TV and YouTube, and am toying with using it a bit for work-from-home where the shift in environment is surprisingly helpful.

    It's just limited. Streaming apps aren't very good, there's no great source for 3D movies (which are great, when Bigscreen had them anyways), they're still a bit too hot and heavy for long-term use, the game library isn't very broad and there haven't been many killer app games/products that distinct it from other modalities, and it's going to need a critical amount of adoption to get used in remote meetings.

    I really do think it's huge for given a sense of remote presence, and I'd love to research how VR presence affects remote collaboration, but there are so many factors keeping it tough to buy into.

    They did try, though, and I think they're on the right track. Facial capture for remote presence and hybrid meetings, extending the monitors to give more privacy and flexibility to laptops, strong AR to reduce the need to take the headset off - but they're first selling the idea, and then maybe there will be a break. I'll admit the industry is moving much slower than I'd anticipated back in 2012 when I was starting VR research.

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    ADHD Life Hacks which worked for you?
  • Yeah! Not beating yourself up over this is really important, same with not overthinking it. Some days are hard, some are less hard, some, I've heard, are easy.

    Some days the best progress/discipline is noticing it's a day where you need your own compassion to admit you need to let yourself off the hook for a bit.

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    ADHD Life Hacks which worked for you?
  • It's a good start to a long path :) I'm not a doctor of medicine, and not medical advice, but I know it was really helpful for me when I started recognizing I was on a path to helping myself, not the ADHD, not the trauma, not whatever else it may be diagnosed as, but me, my experiences, my patterns, my brain.

    The labels can be helpful for seeing, noticing, understanding, approaching, and getting medical support where needed, but ultimately it's great that the symptoms were validated, and congrats on taking the steps! It's hard work to identify the need, hard work to reach out and get support, and it means you're very likely on a good path.

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    ADHD Life Hacks which worked for you?
  • The remembral is really smart! I might need to find a way that works for me for that one.

    Being really open is also great; radical authenticity and openness (with those it's appropriate and comfortable) has helped me learn and help others, and gotten acceptance from people I'd struggled with. "Let's assume I've been living underground for a while, how exactly do you go about X, if you're comfortable answering?" Also great for those with absent/developmentally lacking childhood experiences.

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    ADHD Life Hacks which worked for you?
  • Yeah, a lot of my systems have been built up by noticing bad patterns and finding easier alternatives. A frozen curry that takes 10 minutes of effort tops, with pre-made masala paste - it may not be the most satisfying, but it's costing me about $4, I'll be eating in less time than ordering in, and I won't get stuck looking at menus for an hour.

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  • Random urge to share some hacks that I've come up with that have worked for me and might be helpful to others, and encourage hearing some more!

    The most generic ones: Reduce decision making, focus on "if this then that" systems, and provide clear visual indicators.

    Tl;Dr:

    • Flip pill bottle upside down when taking meds to remember you took them.
    • Smoothies are a super easy food that can be really nutritious and might bypass stim meds appetite loss.
    • Scales for cooking means only needing one tool for measurements and not needing to clean lots of spoons; use non-American recipes or write down conversions once the first time you make something.
    • Before bed if you're racing thoughts, write things down in a notebook and put it somewhere you have to pick it up (e.g., on coffee maker).
    • Take notes using a non-linear tool like Obsidian canvas to better represent your non-linear train of thought.
    • Freeze all of your food and prep more than you need when chopping to freeze it.
    • Learn to cook meats from frozen, e.g., in the instant pot, to avoid thawing or meat going bad.
    • Keep colourful stickers or sticky notes around so you can place them on things to remind you to look at it and deal with it later when you have time and energy instead of forgetting it when you look away.

    Can't remember if you've taken your meds? Visual indicator systems to the rescue! I flip my pill bottle upside down once I've taken it, and keep it visible near my bed or by my coffee table/desk. If it's past 3pm, if I see it, I flip it right side up every time so that I don't leave it upside down overnight and get confused in the morning.

    Not eating breakfast? Smoothies. Keeping the Sims metres full is important. I always run into decision fatigue in the morning/afternoon and by then I'm too faded to decide to eat, or Vyvanse has me too not hungry to consume food, or I'll spend forever making food to ignore my work. Bonus: Get a scale for cooking so you dont need to find and clean dozens of spoons and convert your recipes to masses (North Americans).

    So smoothies. I ignore work for a day to do a wild research binge, figure out the nutritional value of some different smoothie mixes, experiment, and now I've got a go-to breakfast every morning that doesn't hit my nausea and gets me nutrients. You can also measure out 3-4 at a time and freeze them in small containers, excluding wet ingredients.

    BTW my go-to right now is appx. 150g milk, 50-70g sugar free yogurt, 60g frozen blueberries, 70g banana, 25g rolled oats, 25-50g spinach, 7g chia seeds, maybe 30g strawberry if I'm feeling it, maybe a dash of cinnamon if I want. Seems decent in terms of nutrients, and all stuff I've got frozen or on hand anyways.

    Bonus: A microwaved sweet potato is better than it deserves to be for 5 minutes of microwaving and pretty nutritious and sating.

    Planning tomorrow at bed time? Before bed, I've got tons of thoughts about what I need to do the next day. I write them in my notebook, then put my notebook on my coffee maker (a Clever brewer for easy cleanup, decaf beans) so that I have to pick up the notebook anyways. Not every day, but if anything pressing comes up.

    Note taking is tough linearly? My thoughts aren't linear, neither are my notes. Ever since I started using Obsidian for note taking, I find myself using the Canvas option which basically makes your notes into a graph/flowchart. Then I can colour code, link notes to other notes, turn each bubble into an entire page of notes, tag the notes. It even has an option to show you a random note on startup which can be helpful if you take notes and never read them.

    Food going bad? Prepping is too much transition to cook? Freeze everything. Prep more than you need. If I'm already cutting half an onion for a meal, cutting a full onion isn't hard - in fact stopping halfway might be harder. Cut one or two, toss it into a sheet, stick it in the freezer, and now you're saved chopping for a bit. Bananas on their way out? Cut them into pieces and freeze them, frozen bananas are a freaking snack. Cutting bell peppers? Freeze that shit. Fresh spinach? I skipped the parboil and just froze it in a freezer bag and it worked great for smoothies and adding into curries. Freeze it all.

    Meats going bad? Instant Pot was a saviour. Cooking chicken and sausage from frozen in the instant pot works great for all kinds of things. Slap a premade curry paste onto a frozen chicken, throw in some frozen spinach and frozen peas, meal ready in about 30 minutes. I use naan for everything because it freezes and reheats well; mini-pizzas with frozen pepperoni that's portioned out, naan as a sausage bun, garlic naan with pasta, whatever, it's versatile and freezes well.

    Can't do this right now and then you forget? Having the short-term memory of a fly sucks. Have sticky notes or stickers around the house. Then when you notice you need to clean the toilet or refill something or whatever it is and you can't do it right now, just stick something colorful on it so that you look at it at a better time. I don't even bother writing things down on the note, it just needs to draw my attention at a time I can deal with it.

    Just a few, might add more if some come to mind, but hoping to hear some other's thoughts :)

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