@OP:
Which option did you decide on in the end? Reading through the comments as someone in a similar situation, going for a NUC(-like) with Intel n150 and installing fitting Linux distros/software seemed the easiest choice. What was your take-away? :)
when confronted with it, he did openly pronounce it again, iirc. But I don't use any platform he uses so I can't source it rn, sorry.